ADHD rant!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
ADHD rant!
12
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 2:49pm

Arghhhhh!!!


Why do I feel the need to tell everyone

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
In reply to: lynn0905
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 3:33pm

um, are we actually gossiping about 2nd graders????


This is exactly what I have said in the past.


I wouldn't feel compelled to tell parents, unless you feel ok telling them.

A child may HAVE ADHD, but it is not what they ARE. Never tell a child they ARE ADHD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
In reply to: lynn0905
Mon, 02-08-2010 - 8:58am

I can totally empathize.


I have told people- certain people- but it depends upon the situation. My family knows, my husband's family doesn't.


My close friends know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: lynn0905
Mon, 02-08-2010 - 9:45am

Feel free to rant!

With the "idea" out there that ADHD is overdiagnosed & is, of course, really the fault of the parents not parenting properly and/or the teachers wanting a "quick fix with meds", it can be hard to tell people your kid has ADHD. They can be so annoyingly judgemental. You can't tell which ones should be told & which not--I tell more now that he's older (because HE tends to include it in any introduction he gives), and it does come in handy to whack people over the head with when they're being anti-ADHD-diagnosis--mine, on meds, isn't terribly obvious unless you really "get" ADHD-inattentive.

Yes, people gossip about 2nd graders, isn't it awful? When it's other people's kids, I try to point on the child's good points, if I know them, but people can be such idiots. No fun when it's your kid they're all talking about. Or your family, that's happened to me too.

You know, if MY kid came home & told me "Josh made me do it", they get a whole lecture about making your own choices & such.

You getting any social skills help for the kid? Lunch buddy group at the school?

My non-ADHD kid, there's kids I discourage him from calling up for playdates because they always say "no" & the vibe I get from the parents is...not good. So it's not just an ADHD thing...

Good luck!

Megan
Megan
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
In reply to: lynn0905
Mon, 02-08-2010 - 3:42pm

Fourfallbabies,


Thx much for your post! It sounds like we have similar things going on. The dairy thing must be really difficult for you guys. One of our kindy classes has a severe dairy allergy where the whole school has gone dairy free and before/after all specials, recess, lunch, the kids have to wash or do hand sanitizer. The child has to eat in a separate room too...omgosh! I've often wondered who the mom was so I could hug her. I have no idea how she gets thru the day w/out paralyzing fear...hugs to you!!!!!


I also have a friend who's son is 8 and was diagnosed at 8 months w/ a brain tumor, leaving him unable to speak and similar to that of someone afflicted w/ Autism. She lost soooo many friends and was so depressed. She finally found some really great friends who would be there thru the good and bad, so while I know ADHD is not even close to what she went thru, nor is it life-threatening of course; but, it presents challenges for lack of a better word. And, like I said before, because it's not something deemed "serious" is open to a world of judgment like the OP said...people who think ADHD is the parents' faults, even some teachers think this, which I was surprised by!


I probably shouldn't have told my husband's family, like you did because they over analyze his every move and mood. If he's tired, then they ask "Is that because of the medication?"...um, yes, we prefer our kids to be really tired so they don't act up! Whatever!


I, too, find that alot of the older kids are really patient w/ Josh OR it can go the other way altogether and they tease the crap out of him and call him weird/annoying, etc. Ugh!


Keep me posted as to how you and your munchkins are doing tho, okay?! :~)


Lynn

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
In reply to: lynn0905
Mon, 02-08-2010 - 3:53pm

Thank you, Megan!!


I totally agree with you on the child coming home saying so-and-so got me in trouble! We tell our kids that daily it feels like because w/ impulsive ADHD, its apparently quite common for them to blame others for their poor choices...so, I feel like all I do is talk about this! Argh! Anyway, one of the dad who told us that they didn't want their son to play w/ ours in Kindy said "Sam only gets in trouble when he's w/ Josh, so we just don't want to Sam to play w/ Josh"...while I appreciated their honesty, my husband told him "we tell our children that THEY are responsible for their own choices and that no one else can get them in trouble if they are doing the right thing" I was sooo happy for hubby! Of course, Sam's dad was like "um, yeah, us too, but still...." Whatever, dude!


The mom who I ran into who was gossiping about that 2nd grader actually said to me "you know..I just wonder what is going on in that home?!", and I told her that it may not be the parents' fault...we just don't know, and that I've been on the other end of the gossip mill and feel very alone, etc., and do you know, she has not spoken to me since. Obviously, if you squelch people's gossip, they don't look too kindly on you! Sigh...oh well!


Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone! It helps to know more

 

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
In reply to: lynn0905
Mon, 02-08-2010 - 4:34pm
You need to find a CHADD location near your home and get involved. At meetings you will connect with LIVE people, in your area, who know the school system, the teachers, the NEIGHBORS... AND they will have kids who are like your kid. It will help him to make friends too. Also, google "ADD support groups in (your area)".
http://www.chadd.org/
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
In reply to: lynn0905
Mon, 02-08-2010 - 6:00pm

Thank you for that suggestion!


I just looked it up, and there's a fee to belong to it...do you belong? Is it worth the $45??

 

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
In reply to: lynn0905
Tue, 02-09-2010 - 9:42am

There was no fee to attend the meetings, when I was involved. I just checked out the link to our chapter, and there is still no fee, just a suggested donation, for the coffee, cookies, money to pay for speakers, etc. In fact, it said... "Meetings are free and open to the public, although membership with CHADD is strongly encouraged, since your local group will receive a portion of your dues to continue supporting your community."

I would suggest you see if there is a chapter near you, and drop in on a meeting. When you click on the state, go thru all the links; you'll see some chapters are more active then others.
http://www.chadd.org/AM/Template.cfm?Section=Find_Local_CHADD_Chapters&Template=/CustomPages/ChapterLocator/findchap.cfm

Edit: My kids are now ADDults, 26 & 28. We survived childhood and the teen years (the REAL fun is yet to come--believe me), and they came out reasonably well educated, self supporting, and still loving us. It can be done.




Edited 2/9/2010 9:51 am ET by sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
In reply to: lynn0905
Tue, 02-09-2010 - 1:54pm

Lynn, I sent you an email through ivillage, let me know you got it.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
In reply to: lynn0905
Tue, 02-09-2010 - 2:35pm

No, my email doesn't work from IV...hasn't for years and tried to change it, but I cannot change it because it's saying my email address has already been taken! IDK?


Anyhoo...I'll email you my email address thru IV

 

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