I need your help and support.
HI, and welcome
I would write a letter to the school asking for a full educational evaluation, they have 60 days to complete it.
i would also contact a Neuropsychologist, and have a full evaluation done. It does sound like there is more than ADHD, and a Neuropsych can find out what that is. I would do this before trying meds.
Guanfacine(tenex) is a Blood Pressure med, it does help with impulsivity, and sleep issues but does little to nothing for attention and focus. It has to be monitored to make sure the BP doesn't drop too low. It is not a timulant, and will not work like one. There are other meds however, and once you have a diagnosis they can probably help.
A child may HAVE ADHD, but it is not what they ARE. Never tell a child they ARE ADHD.
Kudos to you and your son for working so hard.
I have no advice for you but hope you get a diagnosis soon. It seems easier to deal with something when you know what it is.
You said, private testing--with what kind of expert?
Have you been to the wright's law page? It *really* sounds to me like the school isn't doing all they can. Does he get academic support of any kind? Or is this all just YOU?
Has he ever been tested specifically for forms of LD, dyslexia, etc., etc.?
Why don't you *know* if he has memory problems, when that's something that any school or private tester ought to have tested (not yelling at you, but let's be real, memory tests are really fairly simple for them, you should have the results!)
Was the IQ testing only that once? Were *all* the scores low, or is it the case of 1 really low sub-test & rest were higher? That kind of thing (wildly varying scores) is pretty typical of ADHD/LD.
I really don't know exactly what you should do--sounds like you've run through the formal eval-at-school process several times. Do you go for an advocate & get something better there? Maybe force the school to pay for a complete outside eval? Or do you just go for a full private eval on your own? I'd agree with you that a *good* diagnosis should give you some new tools about how to work with your kid. How DOES he learn (since you already know how he doesn't, as it were). How DO you/school teach him? It's not so much about a specific diagnosis, but more about how to effectively help the kid, KWIM?