Appt Update
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| Tue, 07-01-2003 - 6:31am |
Kevin took the whole thing as a joke. OK, OK, I know it was his cover because there were tears in his eyes after we left and all through dinner, and I know this is CRUSHING to him ... knowing that he has a problem and isn't 'normal' and that he needs help. I just wish I had the answer. The doc thinks we should take baseball away from him ... but that scares me because I don't want him to 'not care' about baseball like he gets with the other things we take away from him. AND, that's the one outlet he gets during the week (other than time at camp.) He doesn't have a lot of friends that he hangs out with during the week, and when he's playing baseball, he's with other kids, having fun, running out, being physical, and getting rid of some of that energy. AND, if he doesn't have that, it's 2-3 hours he's home with me ... so WHO exactly is being punished???
Kevin said that I talk too much ... guess it's that mother in me trying to rationalize with him ... and the doc sort of agreed. Not that I'm too wordy (well, you all know me, so you know that to be the case, LOL) but because I need to stop explaining myself or repeating myself to Kevin. State the facts and let him live with the consequences if he doesn't comply. Period. I need to try, of course, but it's hard to tune out the endless whining when I do try to ignore him. Guess I need to pray for some more patience ... which I'm seriously lacking these days.
On meds or off, there isn't much change ... In addition, I'm definitely seeing the pre-puberty stuff going on (oh, the joys of motherhood) so life is definitely a challenge. Not sure what I'll do to get a break or how I'll survive some days. Right now, however, things just aren't great.
Nancy
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Maureen
I wish I could send you a hug with my prayers and + thoughts! In one way or another, I think I've been in your shoes many times! If it were me, I'd try and remember you are at the beginning of a new tunnel and look for the light at the end of it. First, if you otherwise like the therapist, just tell him taking away baseball isn't an option. Explain why, and do so in front of Kevin. This way both Kevin and the therapist will see you are facing this as a family and "team". And kevin will know you realize the value of things that he finds important. Second, I love the camp idea. Personally once Liam is old enough, I'm sending him to an ADD/HD camp. I think it will be important for him to see there are a lot of his peers out there with similar issues. Hopefully while in camp he will pick up some strategies that we can use at home. My OT sends her daughter to the SOAR camp here in NC and they LOVE it. Also, why wouldn't you and your husband need a break? I think NT parents send their kids to camp for a break. We are talking camp, not reform school!!! Finally, Kevin will or wont like therapy, but take him anyway. Because if you've got a good therapist, he will benefit. Eventually what we all want (or at least I want) is to give our kids the tools they need to have happy, fulfilling lives. Think of the therapist as a tool builder.
Hope this helps!
Sio
I do not plan on taking baseball away as a consequence. Right now, Kevin will be spending the next 2 weeks (locally) at a baseball camp at our local university (with the head coaches and some players from the college team.) When he plays baseball, he is focused and disciplined ... and when I watch him play baseball, he looks like the All-American Kid, and I'm not taking that away from ME. There are enough other things to use.
The doc we have is a good one, and his suggestion about sending Kevin away was because he saw how exhausted and tired and stressed DH and I were, and he knows that there aren't people in our life that can take Kevin for a week to help out. Not that he wouldn't behave, but because my inlaws are in their mid-80s and not in good health, and my parents don't live locally. The camp he mentioned actually sounds interesting ... because they really work with the kids. They supposedly meet with the kids ahead of time to see what their main 'issues' are, help them set goals, and spend time at camp working on those areas and goals so that they can continue this when they're home. It actually sounds like a very good program, and I'll call and get more info and consider that for next year.
Truth is, DH and I do NOT get out enough together. We probably could count on 1 hand how many times we've left the kids and went out alone in the past year! That's not healthy for ANY parents ... but for parents of kids with problems, it's even less healthy. We need a break once in awhile ... if only to recharge our batteries so we can have the patience and tolerance needed. We aren't as effective if we're all stressed out all the time. That only is logical.
The doc we see is tops in his field, highly recommended by our pediatrician, and has helped Kevin a lot over the years. We don't always agree on things ... and I can see why he'd suggest using baseball as a consequence ... but we also don't do everything he suggests just because he suggests it.
Anyway, I appreciate the input and support. Nice to know I'm not alone.
Nancy
Nancy
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