can this be happening???? help

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
can this be happening???? help
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 4:32pm
My son is in kindergarten.

He has been expelled from school and taken off the bus numerous times.

He is newly diagnosed as adhd, but not on meds (yet?) we are not sure if we

will go the med route (thats another long story). Anyways he has a crush on a

little girl in his class, so he pulls her pony tail. Yes we've gone over this with

that this is not appropriate, and that he can not do this again.

Well now the mother of the little girl called and told us that her daughter is "scared" to go to school now, because of our son. So we assured her that he wouldn't bother her again. but that didn't work because the next day he pulled her pony tail again.

so this time the Mother wrote a letter to the school and said that she would call the

DSS and the police if this happened again. Can she do this?????

I am pulling my son from the school. Its kindergarten and he'll get into first grade.

So I'm not worried academicallyl....but what worries me more is that another parent

would do this. My son is not a monster. You wouldn't even know he has adhd if you saw him, he just talks not stop and is impulsive other than that he is very gifted.

Has anyone out there ever been in this position.

Thanks in advance, I'm new here and am just coming to grips with all of this adhd talk.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 8:34pm
Hi Sara,

My DD and I just found ourselves in this very position with the daycare she was going to. She was there for one hour in the morning and about 4 1/2 hours in the afternoon (after school). I learned mid April that she was being dismissed from the center as some of the students were afraid of her and one of the teachers had threatened to quit if she didn't leave. I found this all written on a note in her lunchbox (!) There was a teacher there who did know how to handle Taylor and had few problems with her. But, alas, she quit and two weeks later Taylor was out the door. She's with my parents now before and after school and seems to be more relaxed there as it's quieter and Taylor's not having to "compete" for attention.

My advice to you is to speak with the school guidance counselor. Lord knows, I've been talking to Taylor's so much we've jokingly said we need to get together for coffee. The school systems have so many resources. Perhaps a teacher who would be willing to step in for your DS if he needs it. We've been fortunate that our school system offers testing to see if Taylor qualifies for an in-class aide starting next year. Does your school offer this? She also goes to see the counselor once a week on Fridays and absolutely loves it. Most schools also offer psychologists, please inquire. The only reason we're not using ours is that she's met with Taylor and feels a psychiatrist is the route for us to go for now.

Sara, your DS is most certainly not a monster, he is a young boy with some issues that he doesn't understand. I'm sure there are alot of girls who'd like their ponytails tweaked a bit by him! :) As for this mother, she is being momma bear looking out for her daughter. Perhaps a talk between you two with a school mediator?

Good luck to you, chin up and keep us posted!


Avatar for kathy_in_ga
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 11:13pm
Well, has your son been tested by the school for any learning disabilities? ADHD is a learning disability. If not you can request he be tested. After testing they will have a meeting & tell you if he qualifies for an IEP (individual educatuon plan) there can be some safe guards put in place so nothing would happen like this. Personally, I would talk to the teacher & have her watch out for your son, make sure he is not any where near the little girl. I also think the little girl & mother are over reacting a bit, but that's my opinion. ADHD kids have a very hard time keeping their hands to themselves. Is the school you are sending him to for 1st grade more tolerant of these behaviors? What would they do differently that this school is not doing?

You also might want to read the book "1 2 3 Magic". I hear it has some good ideas for behavior modifications. Also, I can't see CCP doing anything to you or your child for this little infraction. The school may call you in & talk to you & your son, may decide on a plan. I told me sons school that he liked ot be sent home, that they were rewarding him for his behavoir. NOT something they want to do, so we figured out a different punishment.

Edited 5/27/2003 11:15:14 PM ET by

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 8:59am
Hi Kathy.

I feel for this little girl I really do. I know the parents are only trying to protect

their child. I feel the school isn't helping me at all. They don't watch the two of them, and they don't keep them separated. When he is dismissed from class, he goes to a private school where he loves it, and I should also note he does not show any signs of adhd at that school infact the director and the school teachers don't believe there is anything wrong with him.

I guess I just freaked out when this mother said she would call the police and child services. I'm a good mother. I know I am. But the school isn't helping me at all with my son.

I have him in counseling and they know this, I also have appointments to have him core evaluated which I am paying for out of pocket since I don't want the school to get that far into his head. I just don't think its right.

He is at the top of his class, and he reads and writes with no problem, he can sit and focus for long periods of time. I think kindergarten isn't challenging enough for him.

am I rambling yet? gosh I'm so sorry but I'm so confused.

thanks for listening.