Do you hide your child's condition/keep all private?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2008
Do you hide your child's condition/keep all private?
6
Tue, 12-14-2010 - 2:36pm

I just got a horrible phone call from my dad and wanted to get some perspective from others in my position. I posted a vague quote from Howie Mandel about ADHD on my Facebook page a week or so ago and interacted with a few friends also dealing with the condition. Not saying anything terrible about our son, just noting how difficult ADHD can be. Well, my dad felt compelled to call me during my work time, I add, to tell me it's a bad idea to say anything about ADHD publicly and that it would hurt our son if he read about it on Facebook (uh, he's seven and not even on there, not to mention, I didn't say anything remotely negative like what other people do on Facebook about their kids on a daily basis). He said it's best kept private. I said, no, it's good to have support and this isn't anything shameful. Besides, I rarely even mention ADHD. I couldn't tell you when I last did on Facebook, perhaps never.

I was really, really peeved. Like it's not hard enough to parent a child with ADHD, I'm supposed to stay in a cocoon and just hide it? To me, this was just another "you're not doing it right," which they already give enough of as we do our very best to manage our son. They have no clue what we go through every day and how hard we work as parents.

Anyway, I was wondering how open the rest of you are about your child's condition. I know you're on here being open, but what about in your daily lives. Do you keep it totally private and just deal on your own? Do you pretend like your child doesn't have it?

I hardly feel like I'm out there with a neon sign being open about ADHD, but I don't feel it's useful to treat it like it's a shameful condition, either. All of my friends and other family know our son has it and until now, have been supportive and open in discussing it in a useful manner.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007

I never had a problem telling anyone - but I would NEVER do Facebook - what if your child didhn't want the world to know

Denise

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2008
All of my friends and family know he has ADHD and he's never been concerned at all about sharing his condition. I guess that's what shocked me most about my dad's comment. I wasn't sharing anything with strangers, just with people I know and in a very general way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004

I have shared with family and friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2008

I have shared with certain people, others I have not. If someone were to act the way you descrivbe they would no longer be in our lives, so it wouldn't matter. My facebook,my child, my descretion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2010

Although my son was just diagnosed...I have not nor would I hide the fact that he has ADHD from anyone who needed or wanted to know. My posting my concerns these past week on FB have led to finding out that many of my friends on there have kids who have ADHD and who are on the same meds we have now started my son on. They have been able to lend support and advice I would not have had otherwise.

As a teacher I know who needs to be told at school and what they need to know about how he is on and off the the meds so that they can plan for that.

As for family knowing, I know that most of our family needs to know that should he act out because of ADHD then they know that I know how to handle it and that should he react in a different way because of starting him on meds then they know why. My MIL will not agree that we put him on meds just because my husband was the experimental age for all the meds and she didn't like him being the test subject for the meds, but she will have to respect our decision for the course of action we have taken with our son and realize that I am not going to be like her and not do anything for my son and then when I can't handle him anymore just send him of to a state run school until he can learn to handle his condition himself.

I have seen too many parents who bury their heads in the sand and deny that their child needs help of some kind. then when their child is getting suspended from school for impuslively hitting another child because they can't control their actions at the time because of this condition, they wonder why their child is getting into trouble. keeping it private can create more problems. I would rather tell those who need to know and everyone else can agree or disagree with our decisions but we are the parents and we know what is best for our kids...as our kids get older if they want people to know then they can tell them but teachers and family need to know.

Avatar for ralenth
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003

I haven't said anything on facebook, but I do not keep it a secret.

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