Feeling humiliated

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Feeling humiliated
6
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 10:02pm
Ugghhh.

Today was ds Niels's (5 1/2 yo) Open House at Kindergarten. Having no clue what an Open House was all about, I figured we'd get to see what they did during the day. Instead, it was a few minutes w/ the teacher, then a 30 min. lecture attended by all 80 or so Kindergarten families on the rules, procedures, etc.

Well, the lecture was pretty boring, but I can tell you, Niels gave the whole crowd a show to remember. Skipping, pretending to fall off of chairs, running all over the place, playing with all the toys and breaking some of them by accident (spun one around his head and a part flew off, almost hitting a teacher), me chasing him around the toy football table to keep him from making too much noise with it. OMG, it was humiliating.

And it came as an absolute revelation to me that all those other kids there Niels's age were actually able to SIT STILL the whole 30 min!!! It was the first time I'd ever seen Niels among so many kids his age in that kind of setting, where they're expected to be quiet, and I guess it just brought it home to me how extreme his hyperactivity really is.

Oh, how I envy those parents. What must parenting be like when your child can actually sit still?

Sigh.

Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 11:17pm
Well I know what you mean kids can do things to make us wonder. What we did to get the ad/hd children we have.. Wait because the older he gets he will say you humiliate him also and all you have to do is be in the same room as he is when he is talking to his frineds..

I am going through it now with my 15 yr old dd who also has ad/hd

I hope that he likes school

hugs to you

tina

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 09-05-2003 - 6:47am
Mellisa,

When Liam was 4, he had a Christmas show at his preschool. He started with a bang! He purposely took the toy cardboard guitar he was holding and banged it over the head of the little girl in front of him. this was followed by gleeful almost maniacal laughter! He moved on from there to many other things. I and my DH kept giving him "the look", the teacher kept going up to him with the fake smile to whisper in his ear. He ended with a long session of digging for gold. Of course, it was all caught on film. DH and I stopped filming, but all the other parents didn't!

Sio

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Fri, 09-05-2003 - 4:49pm
Oh, mommy, how I feel your pain! :-)

I have been in your shoes several times, and wondered what it would be like to have a "normal" child. If those other mothers don't support you, shame on them. And, I know my own brother is very critical of parents who "can't control" their children. He controls his by being a mean SOB - very sad. His kids are just afraid of him - don't respect or like him much. So, even if people want to judge you, you never knows what goes on in their homes.

Our kids are who they are - we love them and just have to figure out ways to help them. Don't ever let anyone make you feel ashamed of your child (I'm saying that as much to myself as to you...).



Avatar for kathy_in_ga
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-07-2003 - 11:49am
That's when I realized my son needed help. I didn't know he was sooo different until I actually saw him in a group of peers. BUT don't be so humiliated by his behavior. He was just trying to entertain himself in a very boring situation. Some kids don't know how to entertain themselves. I bet everyone saw how cute your son was, and they will remember him, how many of the kids who sat there listening will they remember? I try to think of my son as being one everyone will remember, he too likes to entertain & make people laugh. It's a gift. Personally, I woldn't have been able to sit there listening to the rules myself. And for the school to expect these young kids to do so was a bit much I think. Type the rules up & hand them out, why bore everyone?
Avatar for kathy_in_ga
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-07-2003 - 11:56am
I know many children who are bullied into behaving. When my son played T ball his coach was one of those kinds of parents. He didn;t like my son, or my sons friend. Mostly because they were challenging. His son cowered under him. Even now, my son is excited to see his old coach & goes up to him HIiiii coach! They guy says hi and walks away, he's such an a##&*!e. Anyway, I would much rather have my son acting the way he does, than have him afraid of me, act like a robot & do exactly what I tell him to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 09-07-2003 - 6:01pm
IMO, this is NOT the time to bring the kids. Although there are some 5-6 y.o.'s that CAN sit still during a 30 min lecture, the majority (ADHD or not) can't! If the kids were to be included, then it should have simply been a matter of the children showing the parents their class, their desk, their work, etc. A quick HELLO with the teacher, and then go home. I went to my DS' middle school orientation recently, and I'll tell you that most of the 6th graders had a tough time sitting through the speeches ... the principal spoke, as did each of the 4 asst principals, the PTA president, each of the 4 counselors, the student body counsel coordinator, etc., etc., etc. These kids just wanted to see where their homeroom class was, and get a general idea about the layout of the school ... and sitting through these speeches directed at the parents was of no interest to these kids. Yeah, they sat in their seats ... but they played with the folding desk tops or their parents' umbrellas (it rained that day) and such ... and they had a tough time sitting. My DS (ADHD/ODD) had a tough time ... and his ADHD is the impulsity type and NOT the hyperactivity kind. So, quite frankly, although I understand how stressful this can be, I have to say that you shouldn't be embarrassed ... this was not an environment for young kids to be participating in.

Nancy

  Nancy