Goofy and Immature ...

Avatar for keke0116
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Goofy and Immature ...
5
Mon, 05-26-2003 - 7:20am
Is this ADHD symptoms or just personality, or what? ARGH! Kevin is 11, diagnosed with ADHD (impulsivity type) and ODD. He also has some auditory processing issues, and is gifted. He is presently taking Ritalin LA in the a.m. with a small dose of Focalin in the afternoon. Just weaned him off of Strattera which had no benefit. He had done well on Concerta for a good amount of time, but after 16 months, it wasn't working as well.

Anyway, my biggest issue with Kevin right now is his totally weird behaviors. And, I do know that because there is such a huge contrast between his abilities and his behaviors it really grates on my nerves. For instance, this weekend he was playing in a tournament for his travel ball team. This is an 11 and under league, and he is one of the older players. This was his first tournament with this team. As one of the older players (and one of the better players) the coach is hoping (and expecting) him to be a 'leader.' Now, I watch him play ball ... first game, he played 'catcher' and he pretty much saved the game for them. On the ballfield, he is poised and focused and intense. They won the game, and the coaches all complimented him on how well he did, and what an asset he is to their team. But, in the car on the way to the park, he's talking like a baby, rambling on about stuff, intentionally antagonizing everyone (especially DH.) Or, between games, whenever he was near me or DH, he was being really argumentative and defiant. The constant Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. He is really bright, but acts totally stupid (the male version of the dumb blonde!) We stayed at my sis' last night since she leaves near where this tournament was being played, and it was up in the air whether or not they'd be playing today ... and he asked DH if he wanted to shoot a game of pool, and instead of just walking to the game room like a normal 11 y.o. boy, he skipped ... with this goofy look on his face looking really effemenant (sp?) ... almost like Jack from Will & Grace.

I guess it just kills me because I see him in other settings ... karate, where he is a 1st degree blue belt, a member of the black belt club, where other parents tell me what a nice and helpful kid he is, how kind and patient his is, how helpful he is to kids in lower ranks ... or baseball, where he plays key positions (pitcher, catcher, short stop and first base) and is focused and intense and the complete vision of that "all American kid" living a great life ... or how his teachers in gifted program always say how responsible and helpful he is. Geesh! I'm not asking for perfections, but how about SOME of that evidenced at home with his family? DH tried to warm him up yesterday before the game because he was supposed to be the starting pitcher of the game ... and all Kevin did was whine and complain ... he didn't like the ball DH had, he didn't like the area DH selected, his arm hurt, he wanted to sit in my chair ... but as soon as the coaches got there, there's Mr. Sports-Guy all ready to play. Sigh!

Is this typical of ADHD kids? Or, is it about being 11 (balance between being a kid and a teen?) Am I just too sensitive or too easily annoyed? (I know I am but it is frustrating.) What do I do? Ignore it?

Any ideas?

Nancy

Nancy 

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 05-26-2003 - 8:29am
I think that it is part of the ADHD. Granted, all kids can have goofy sides, but I think with ADHD these kids do things, say things, that they don't think about (Thus impulsive/and uninhibited about how they are acting). My son is 8 going on 9. He can have the most mature thoughts- and yet he's very immature at times behaviorally. I think ADHD kids act a little nutty at times too because they crave stimulation. If there isn't something fun or exciting going on, they are going to make it so--even if it's just in their own little world! LOL They are going to use crazy voices, words etc. I see it all the time with my own son depending on the day or what is happening. According to some other boys in my son's class they think he's hysterical and at lunchtime he makes them laugh. Luckily they are laughing with him and not at him, though I know many ADHD kids can draw unfavorable attention to themselves. So I wouldn't worry-I just think it's the nature of ADHD, and even at 11 I am sure that goofiness will be there.
Avatar for kathy_in_ga
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-26-2003 - 11:15am
I would ignore most of it. Sounds like one of those things where he shows more of himself when he is with family, most kids do. Also, he may have problems during "down" times. He is also pre-teen, and I hear they can be obnoxious. As long as he isn't hurting anyone ignore most of it. We get the same at the ball field from my son, he will come over to us & whine or act like a jerk. If he is whinning for something I make him say "I am a baby " loudly LOL before he can get it. But my son doesn't care what the others think, may be the age. He played on 3rd base the other day & acted like he couldn't stand any more. Yelled over to me that his legs hurt & couldn't hold him up any longer! I just laughed at him.
Avatar for ashdenson
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 2:42pm
Nancy,

Is this ADHD....it sure is.

Remember, boys mature slower and with ADHD its even slower

My son is 15.7 yrs old, gifted, ADHD/OCD/depression. A few months ago I posted (to Teen Board) that when I got home my son had been "playing" with three large dogs of ours in the family room with a ball. He was all over the place - every picture/painting on the walls looked like an earthquake hit (we're in So California. I could not believe a 15yr old could act soooo "5ish yrs old". And you know what he said when I was screaming - "Mom I'm only having fun!" OMG!!!!!

Another mom whose son is 6 months older said I just described her son with their dogs.

So Nancy, I'm still waiting for him to mature - maybe when he is 30 - LOL

And, this is one of many reasons that I will not permit my son to get a Drivers License in October!

Don't worry - and take care,


Denise

Denise

Avatar for keke0116
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-29-2003 - 6:05am
I think I need to learn to roll with the punches a bit more. What's interesting is I posted this here, and the reply there is that this is pretty typical-ADHD behaviors. Also posted on the 10-11 y.o. Board and they feel that this is pretty much age-appropriate. So, I guess I'm drawing the conclusion that most kids this age are goofy and immature, they do things to drive us crazy, they talk like babies, they can be very capable in some situations yet collapse in others ... but perhaps Kevin's issues intensify the situation. I'm probably also ultra-sensitive to some of it because we've had so many problems with him for such a long time that my antenna goes up any time something seems peculiar. So, I guess my best bet is to learn to live with it as much as possible. If he is making me crazy, then I'll remove myself from the situation. If he's acting inappropriately in a certain situation, what I usually do is pull him aside and talk to him quietly to try to get him to 'reel it in' ... and I'll continue that. And, most likely, if this is like other 'habits' and such, the more I ignore it, the quicker it will pass.

Thanks, all, for your input.

Nancy

Nancy 

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Registered: 05-29-2003
Thu, 05-29-2003 - 10:46am
Hi keke0116. I'm fairly new to this myself, but I can tell you what my husband and I are experiencing with our 8 year old this year. It sounds similar to your situation. My daughter Lydia, has been diagnosed with behavioral and emotional problems (her school psychologist initially gave this diagnosis), and adhd. Of late we are further noticing a great deal of anger and defiance so now the school is thinking ODD as well. Lydia is exceptionally bright, maybe not gifted, but very intelligent and advanced in her learning ability so she is not learning diabled however her behaviors at school hinder her from maximizing at her grade level. We took her to a psychiatrist and a therapist, which we are currently in the process of changing, they confirmed some adhd symptoms, but not in severity and issues with anger, however their concern is the same as ours is it her or the school. This concern came to light on the basis that she doesn't really show any of these behavioral problems at home or anywhere else. It is exasparated in school. That has been the case over the years. We do have her in an IEP. I'm not happy with what the school is doing there either. She also has wrap around services and behavioral therapy through this service in a addition to the wrap around. That seems to be helping. She still has behavior problems from time to time though. Sorry if I'm ranting on and on. Here are some of the behavior problems that were addressed by the school as a concern:

singing out loud in class, dancing around the classroom acting silly before class got started, the inability to stay still and focus on either school work or activities,(I should mention only some activities not all), talking back to the teacher when told to stop doing what she's doing, throwing tantrums when frustrated or angry in class and having to be removed from the classroom, making threatening remarks or comments when she becomes angry with the teacher, refusing to do her class work and tearing up papers in class. All of these behaviors are indeed typical of adhd and odd. Since she the wrap around service has started she has stopped doing a lot of these things. This makes no difference in the schools mindset. They still won't include her in with the rest of the class. Her behavioral specialist and the wrap around person who sits with her everyday have come to observe that she really is not adhd. Mind you these are professional people in this field of work. What they see is the school not handling her appropriatley in the situations listed above. A lot of what she is doing is an attempt to get attention, which they give her by the way they respond to her. When she started these behaviors at home we are quickly able to get it under control and she stopped and didn't continue behaving that way with us. Other programs and people who have worked with her say they had no problems getting her under control when she was out of hand. There were maybe a few incidents in her summer camp that got her in trouble, but they disciplined her and she straightened up. I don't know if like you said its personality, adhd or odd, or something else going on in certain situations that produce these behaviors. Socially she's fine, even at school. She has friends and makes friends easy. She is however an only child. That could be a big part of the problem for her too, or so we've been told. I wish you the best with your son. I know it's been a very long and trying year for me. I hope this was a little informative if not helpful. Sorry for the length.