Having the BIG talk with your ADHD child

Avatar for kathyjoenathan
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Having the BIG talk with your ADHD child
Tue, 04-14-2009 - 1:38pm

So, I'm wondering, when and how much should I tell my DS about s-e-x???


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 04-14-2009 - 3:29pm

Well...my mission was to make sure he knew before he hit middle school (6th grade here); there's enough stories around to be clear that even if not all the stories are true, that the kids in middle school know exactly what sex is around here.

This is the book we used, and I loved it: It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health by Robie H. Harris.

This is for a kid who knew exactly how babies were made at age 3, but didn't ever actually ask HOW the sperm made it to the egg in all those years in between. He's not interested in "girls" at all, yet, even in 6th grade.

But I don't know when for YOUR kid. For me, it's really important that he get the facts a) from me (us, really!), and b) NOT from kids who don't know what they're talking about & make the whole thing more complicated than it actually is. It wouldn't surprise me to end up telling my now-3rd grader earlier; he shares more in the endless rumor-mill of his friends. Now, they just argue about when Percy Jackson books come out, but I can see the "forbidden info" being a big deal before too many more years!

That book does a good job on puberty changes & that stuff, too. Probably more important faster?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Tue, 04-14-2009 - 5:10pm

I'd start by asking what he knows and what he's been taught about sex in school. Ask him what he thinks about it all (sexuality, puberty, dating, ect) and wait for the questions.

I've been talking to my DS (11 yo and in gr. 6) about sex and sexuality since he was quite little and so now we are very comfortable talking about the clinical aspects of sex and also are comfortable talking about dating (though, while he's curious about dating, girls still have *cooties* LOL).

But if we were basically starting from scratch, I'd be concentrating on building comfort with the subject and finding out what he already knows, and going from there. I have to say that I've never sat my DS to talk about sex, but he asks a lot of question and from those questions have come some great dialogues. But if you start asking the questions ("what do you know about...?", "have you ever heard of...?") he might quickly warm up with some questions of his own.


My philosophy is that all questions are to be answered, but that doesn't mean that every question about sex needs to be answered in huge amounts of detail. I make the answers clinical (like I'm reading out of the dictionary) and generally the more awkward ones ("Mom, what's fellatio?") can be answered with dignity ("It's oral sex?" "Oh, ok!"). Seriously, that's one of the questions that I was asked...kids hear all kinds of things between their friends at school and the internet.

I don't want to shut him down or make him fearful to ask, but I also don't want to give out too much info when he's just 11.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Tue, 04-14-2009 - 6:31pm


I waited until my girls asked questions, but we had been discussing body parts etc since birth, and they knew the proper names.. I gave them the answers, bluntly and accurately. I did not answer more than they asked, and waited for more questions, one usually leads to another.

I would suggest not telling him anything he is not asking, and not giving anymore info than he wants.

A child may HAVE ADHD, but it is not what they ARE. Never tell a child they ARE ADHD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Tue, 04-14-2009 - 8:29pm

the day my ds and I had our last bath together - at 2 and he asked me what is that and why we don't look alike is when I started talking about everything.