How can I stop DS from hurting brothers?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
How can I stop DS from hurting brothers?
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 9:52am
First I would like to thank everyone who replied to my post. My son's teacher told him if he has to go to the bathroom instead of raising his hand and waiting for her to acknowledge him he can just say it out loud so she hears him. But I think I am going to call her today and ask her about just allowing him to get up and go, I don't think he needs to shout out that he has to go to the bathroom in the middle of the class. Anyways, it seems like there's always an issue were dealing with in our house, no day ever goes smooth and last night was no exception. My DS was playing with his twin brothers that are two and something happened to upset him and he kicked his brother in the mouth! His brothers lip started bleeding because he bit into it, I sent DS to his room for him and me both to cool down so he immediatley starts screaming and crying when I told him to go into his room and continues to scream and cry and kick his bedroom door for almost an hour! When I finally went in there and told him to come out for dinner he apologized to his brother and was fine the rest of the nightbesides being a little more hyper than normal. I was wondering if anyone has any ideas on how I can make him understand that he can not hurt his brothers, he's constantly trying to wrestle with them and I know he's playing but they always get hurt. Then there's times like last night when he gets mad and will just hit or kick them. I am worried that one of the twins are going to get seriously hurt one of these times. What type of consequence should I use for this type of behavior and how can I make him understand that he could really hurt his brothers if he's not careful? Thanks agian for your reply's to my last post, I look forward to hearing everyones advise agian on this one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 10:21am
Yes, I have dealt with this problem. Our DS, 7, major problem at school and home was impulsive behavior related to hitting other kids. Our son was not a bully, but if someone "bothered" him or teased him, he would retaliate by hitting, pushing, or even biting (when he was younger and 1 time in first grade). It's like one of his first impulses when he got angry with someone (including little brother) was to get physical. Right after, he'd be sorry and couldn't explain what happened.

We started getting pretty tough about punishments - when he had just turned six, he bit his little brother hard and left a bruise on his leg. Brother was 3 at the time. His punishment (and this was HARD) was that we cancelled a trip to the museum with three of his little friends for his birthday. We still had a family birthday party, but we just couldn't have him hurting brother, or any other kids. Good behavior got rewarded. This type of punishments and rewards helped a lot, but nothing helped as much as when we put him on Concerta.

Since being on Concerta for about six months, we haven't had any of the aggressive/impulsive incidents we had in the past.

The other thing is that we've been to family counseling and to parenting classes to learn ways to handle this behavior. It is hard for parents not to yell back (or worse, hit), but we can't do it. I know from personal experience that when I loose my cool, things just escalate.

I'm also taking both boys to family yoga at our YMCA. It is helping all of us learn to be calm, get centered, and that kind of thing.

But - the way I see it now - getting the right medicine was the major breakthrough - and all the other stuff important ways to enforce the rules and good behavior.

Hope this helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 10:43am
I'm so glad you posted this one! I want to know the answer, too!

The reason I'm responding to is, is, after telling you about my cousin and my bosses son on the accidents thred, I thought of something!

The teacher may feel she needs to know where your son is and where he is going, so I propose that he have a special piece of paper, or symbol that is laminated that he keeps under his chair or in his crayon box (as near him as possible) which he can put on top of his desk. that way she doesn't have to chase after him, and he doesn't have to yell. It could be like a laminated star, or large pokemon sticker (with the back on).