I feel like a bad parent

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
I feel like a bad parent
3
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 11:00pm
My 6 year old son was diagnosed with ADHD in Nov. of last year. He was also just diagnosed 2 weeks ago with Sensory Integration Disorder. Finding all of this out in the past 6 months, has answered a lot of questions but has been very overwhelming. I currently work full time and have since our son was 3.5. Even before we found out any of this, I really wanted to be home and just be a mom. I started a home based business right before he was diagnosed with ADHD and am making about $200 a month, but had planned to continue working, until I had replaced my current income, with the income from my home based business. Now I'm not sure I can handle waiting. It makes me so sad to think that my son really needs me and I'm at work. He asks me every day, if I can pick him up from school. He has school from 8-11 and then goes to daycare until between 4&5pm. Am I being overly concerned? Do most of you stay home with your children? I just want to be their for him. I don't want him to be scared or sad. I have read a little about Sensory Intregration Disorder but still feel very uneducated. His doctor says she feels I am the only thing that comforts him. Any advice would be appreciated!

Charity

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2000
Sat, 04-05-2003 - 12:22pm
I teach, so at least I'm home with my kids in the summer. But, I must tell you that I was SO glad when last summer was over. I was actually HAPPY to start school. Last summer was torture. I did lots of 'quality' things with the kids...we went swimming a lot, I took them to swimming lessons & tee-ball, I worked a week at Cub Scout Day Camp, we went to the library, we shopped. They played. But there was absolutely no 'me' time. I had visions of my DH finally spending some time with them - since he goes to work at about 2pm every day, but he ALWAYS had something more important to do. He took them fishing 1 day for about 2 hours.

My oldest had just been diagnosed, and we did not use medication much last summer (except for swimming lessons and daycamp). I might do that differently this year. Every outing was stressful with them bouncing around, not listening, etc.

My only sad suggestion is to see about having someone else clean your house. You'll gain a few hours there. (Mine always looks like a bomb exploded in it, too.)

Karen

 


PJPIIadoration.jpg picture by Kimberly_sahm

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Fri, 04-04-2003 - 11:04pm
Hi Bipolarmom! Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it. I really feel my life is just to busy. I don't have time to enjoy life. I work full time. I also take care of my brother in-law who is disabled. I have to do his laundry, do his bills, get him groceries and take him where ever he needs to go, because he can't drive. I have to set up all his appointments and take him to them. I am also trying to work on my home based business, which I have not done anything with in about 2 months. Plus keep up with the housework, therapy appointments for my son, school meetings, grocery shopping and all the other womanly responsibilities. I feel like I am being pulled in 20 different directions. I don't get enough rest, which makes me crabby and impatient and as you know parents with children with ADHD need all the patience they can get. By the time we get home in the evening, I make dinner, clean up and get my son a bath and story it's bedtime. I don't get any quality time with him besides a half an hour story time. On the weekend, I have to clean house because by Friday it looks like a tornado went through, plus catch up on laundry, run errands, go get groceries. It's nuts. I'm lucky I have time to breath. I don't mean to make this sound like my husband does nothing, because he does try to help. But he is extremly busy with work about 8 months out of the year, working 12-16 hour days. He has a few months in the summer and a few in the winter that he works 9 hour days but besides that I have to do the majority of things on my own. I just want to get rid of some of the stress and enjoy life a little more. I want to have quality time to spend with my son. We would also like to have another child. I don't mean to go on and on, I'm just so overwhelmed. My friends keep telling me to just quit my job, but I'm afraid to. Thanks for listening I appreciate it!

Charity

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-04-2003 - 6:17am
((((((((You need big hugs))))))

I am a SAHM and I sit here every day feeling like a bad Mom for the opposite reason. My son goes to school in September and I can't wait. My son is 4.5 and has ADHD and ODD..still being watched for Bipolar.

I did not intend to stay home, it just happened. I am on disability now with no intention on going back to work, at least not for the time being.

My son was put in daycare at 5 months. I did not have to look after him full time until January of this year. I have never had to care for him full time. I thought it would be hard but not this hard.

The way I see it, based on my friends who work, and those who don't, is that a fulfilled Mommy is a good Mommy. Some of my friends work and are fulfilled by it, so that allows them to come home and feel good about themselves. Their children are in daycare from 7am until 5pm.

My other friend is a SAHM and decided to do that from the beginning. She is happy keeping house and bringing up her child. She is fulfilled doing that plus some outside volunteering.

I'm stuck in the middle. I would prefer my son in preschool and that I was working. However, that was not working for my family because I was incapacited when I got home from work and would have to go to bed when I got home. My ultimate decision was to go on permanent disability.

I guess what I'm trying to say is to do what you want but do it out of balance for yourself and your son. Make sure that you do not stay home out of guilt but because you want to. Having a part-time job is not unrealistic and if it contributes to your all around health don't feel guilty doing it.

I guess I got kind of rambly there, sorry, I'm sure you'll make the best decision for both of you

Hugs

Elspeth