I feel like a horrible mother
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|Wed, 09-23-2009 - 9:23pm|
I feel like a horrible mother. My soon to be 6 year old son has recently been diagnosed with ADHD and I missed the cues. He used to tell me last year in kindergarten that "he wants to do so good, but his brain won't let him" and I ignored it. I should've seen it. I was ADD as a child. Why didn't I see this? what is that much more important in my life that I didn't pay enough attention to my own child? what kind of mother am I??? the punishments, the lectures, the groundings, the lack of play time... I scolded him for what was physically incapable of doing. The weekends he spent inside...alone...with no toys or no TV or no friends... I did this to him... and why??? because I was too stupid to see what I should have known. I should have known better... I was one of the first wave of children to be diagnosed with ADD, and once on medication, I did a complete 180 and actually enjoyed being a kid.. I'm 31 now.. and I have a failed as a parent. How can I ever make this up to my son? he is my everything.. my baby.. I've never really, truly thought that he was ever behaving like this because he enjoyed being disruptive... or fidgety...or having temper tantrums...but why did it take me so long to recognize this??? this same thing was MY nemesis as a kid!! He's so smart; reading at a fourth grade level and understanding algebra at 5. I suppose the "gifted" diagnoses suppressed my reality. Shame on me... I have failed.
I'm not looking for support... I really just needed to vent. I should be ashamed of myself for what I've put him through, and my failure to alert his teachers; causing them to put him through the same rigors I have subjected him to. He is brilliant, charming, comical and beautiful. How dare I????