More baseball and ADHD woes

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Registered: 03-27-2003
More baseball and ADHD woes
7
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 10:42am

I wrote a couple of weeks ago about my DS Matthew playing little league (he is 9) and the run in he has had with one of the Assistant Coaches over his problems paying attention during the night games (6-8) and a single incident after one game.

Avatar for kathyjoenathan
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 11:39am

Honestly, if it was my family in that position; I would take my son out of baseball. I think a lot of people on this board would agree that baseball and ADHD don't go hand in hand because there is a lot of down time.


Perhaps I am being overprotected, but by sitting behind the dug-out your son is going to be teased that his Mommy has to watch him.

Kathy

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Registered: 06-10-2007
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 12:18pm

I would bring it to the attnetion of the people in charge. The LL Board( if it is Little league there is a board), or whoever. I am not sure how it works there, but as coach I have final say over ALL players on my team, noone else does. I have and will tell other coaches, parents etc to mind their own business.


Try istting behind the dugout in a chair if possible, and I would DEFINETELY make notes of everything that persons child does, and present them with a list at the end of every game, but

A child may HAVE ADHD, but it is not what they ARE. Never tell a child they ARE ADHD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 1:05pm

*start with an expletive I can't put in*

First, please, please, don't quit, I really don't like the message that sends to your kid, and I remember you saying he enjoyed the sport in the original email.

Second, KEEP pursuing this with the league. Look up your league's rules about proper parent/coach behaviors if you haven't yet. It really sounds to me like the league--Head Coach, little league commisioner, etc. are handling it really well.

Yeesh. Sorry, but that asst coach is pretty evil, IMHO. By the way, they CAN ban him from games, even if his kid is on the team. Especially for behavior to the kids & to other parents. It's probably rare, but I know OUR bylaws let you & I'd bet yours do, too.

I DO think that the head coach--or maybe the head of your little league--ought to send an email out to all these parents. They've been seeing the complaints, but not the responses. What'd he do, blind copy them?

My worry about you sitting behind him...will he actually behave better that way? Mine can behave better, sometimes, for strangers.

Wow on the complaints. Don't ALL the kids get bored towards the end of the game? ALL the kids on BOTH my son's teams (AA & AAA) mess up sometimes. They're kids, after all!

Medication wise--you had an appointment coming up to review, right? If you can, do try to get a booster dose--Focalin only, not XR--for evening use.

Anger management in the face of unfair teasing--yeah, this is one that I've been working on with my kid for AGES. We're getting somewhere at last & what helped was reading through a couple kids anger books with him. The trick--and I think you've got the same situation?--is that he exploded so rarely that it doesn't work to do standard behavior mods, the changes had to come from within him. For him, it's understanding how to think in his own brain not to get angry...but he's 11 & that's alot of maturity over a 9 year old. Look, I could be wrong, but honestly--ANY kid can snap on a very rare basis (once?).

Anger & meds: hah, another thing I have experience with. Over medication, for my kid, can lead to what I'd call emotional unstability--more likely to end up in tears than anger, but either one. So, by the way, can UNDER-medication, because then he can't think enough to compensate.

Back to the sitting-behind. You need to have a conversation with the head coach about what this is going to mean. It may be the optimal solution, it may not. What, specifically, are you there to stop? Picking up small sticks & fiddling with them? Picking up large sticks & whacking people? (OK, that's a joke). What if it's a DIFFERENT kid? What if it's the antecedent to the problem: someone doing nasty teasing, either to your son or to the whole team? What message does this send to the other parents? Is it actually reassuring & will help ALL the kids on the team, or is it going to simple reinforce "this kid is dangerous"? That kind of thing. If you sit back there, should you perhaps be an official coach, not in the coaching-baseball sense, but in the kid-control sense? Are you really only controlling Matthew, or ALL the kids?

This is too long already, so I'll quit--but I'm SO sorry it's been so rotten for you guys! Baseball really can be a lovely sport. We've had ridiculous things happen to--one guy said he'd beat up my spouse, for example--but it's really been the exception rather than the rule.

Megan
Megan
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 3:00pm
Thanks, Megan for your helpful comments.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 4:19pm
Hi, Kathy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 4:24pm
Thanks, baykrismom!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 8:14pm

<<>>

Ditto! And for two reasons. One, team sports and my DS' ADHD symptoms just don't mesh, and two, if my DS were acting out during practice/games like the way that the PP's son was, I'd pull him for behavioural issues.

My DS' T-ball experience was bad enough that I've never suggested another team sport and my DS has certainly never asked. We stick to gymnastics and martial arts, ect. Individual sports.