My son has no more friends...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
My son has no more friends...
3
Fri, 06-20-2003 - 4:29pm
Hi all,

Well I posted last week about the mail incident that happened in our neighborhood. Well, all the people got a letter from the post office stating that there was an incident and tht the "perpetrator" has been spoken to and it's a little boy in the neighborhood and they've been spoken to about the seriousness of the matter, it's a federal offense and how children should not be going in anyone's mail boxes. Well, I didn't know if people actually knew that my son was involved. I don't know if someone called because they actually saw him do it or they are just assuming because he rides his bike around with the other kids. Well, today his friend came over to play and then went over to the neighbors because they were all out playing ball and the mom said my son couldn't play over there. He came in and all the boys were out there playing ball but him. I got so upset. We are moving soon anyways but I have to deal with my son being shunned all summer. I'm so tired of this. Is this how it's going to be for the rest of his life, people hating us and my son because he's not a typical kid?? It's so hard for me to deal with. I don't like people giving me dirty looks or looking down on me. Yesterday our landlady who rents our townhome out to us called and said she got a call from someone because my son was out digging up the grass in our yard. BUt he wasn't, he was shoveling up the rabbit poop from our pet rabbit. So people are spying on my child and calling my landlord. She thinks it's a joke too. Like, she said what do they want her to do? I hate it here, I can't stand to live here anymore because all the yards are open and these people are so catty. And my son is learning to stay off people's property the hard way, but until then how do I deal with these types of people? But will it be like this wherever I move? It wasn't this way when we had our own home and yard. I'm wondering now though....

Thanks for listening...

Amy
Nurturedheartmom

Amy -

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 06-21-2003 - 8:40pm
Gosh, I hope this whole thing gets better for you! I'll be thinking of you and your son! Sio
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-22-2003 - 9:07am
I'm sorry you're having to go through this. One positive is: You are moving, and you can get a fresh start and your son won't be labelled. Until then, take your son to playgrounds or parks when you can, let him meet kids who aren't right in the neighborhood and play at the park etc. Just do all you can and remain positive because those people are obviously not understanding of children. Do you plan to live in an apartment or house when you move? Will there be children there? One thing you can work on this summer, is discussing with your son some rules about playing outside (though i'm sure he's learned about the mail issue! lol). Just review them with him on and off thru the summer before you move--so that when you get to where you're going, he'll have a fresh start and an idea of what he is not to do. ADHD kids may be impulsive and forget rules, so it's good to review them verbally in discussion more often. I'm sure he wants to please you and others, so i know he'll try. You can also discuss meeting new friends when you move, and how he can approach kids, what to say, examples of things to say or share (like bringing a toy out to share with another kid).. It helps them to learn this stuff, because it's not always stuff they just "know"..keep us posted and i hope you let us know how things go.
Avatar for keke0116
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-22-2003 - 7:18pm
Ya know, he IS a typical kid. OK, OK, he has 'issues' and things are 'harder' for him than others ... but kids will be kids. What kid NEVER did anything destructive or wrong or bad? Come on. We all did stuff as kids that we aren't necessarily proud of. I'm glad that you'll be moving because that will (hopefully) give you some peace of mind. But, 'regular' kids do stupid things. The teenagers around here play 'mailbox baseball' traditionally the last week of school ... so you can pretty much assume that in June, your mailbox is gonna get knocked down. Kids destroy property and annoy the neighbors .. they throw rocks and baseballs and break windows ... and this is how they LEARN. To pick on a kid for being 'a kid' is insane, and it sounds to me like someone needs to get a life. Sigh!

My best (and only) suggestion to you is now and when you move, get your son involved in some activities he enjoys. Whether it is scouting or baseball or karate or another team sport or art, get him in a group/club where he is with other kids that share a similar interest. Don't depend on the neighborhood for his social interactions. Take him to where he is happy and comfortable and fits in ... and it's not as tough as it seems. Kevin (my 11 y.o.) plays baseball, and has now for 5-6 years, and loves it. He is now sought after to play travel ball, and is playing on the All Star team. No one even knows he has ADHD (or ODD or any of the other 'labels' that make up his profile.) They just know he's an awesome ball player and one of the best catcher's in his division. He also takes karate and is currently a 1st degree blue belt and a member of the black belt club. He'll have his black belt by the time he's 14 if he sticks with it. They don't know he has problems. All they know is he is focused and attentive ... and very patient and helpful with the younger and less experienced students. Set your son up to be successful. Put him in situations where he'll excel. Let him be in situations where he can be proud and happy. That is one of the BEST gifts you can give to him.

Nancy

Nancy 

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