Avatar for ewalsh75
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Tue, 08-05-2003 - 3:28pm
My son was just diagosed with having adhd he is only 5 years old he gets upset over the smalest things(which are big things to him, small to us)such as if his shoe laces arent even or if he cant do something he will call himself stupid or say that he hates himself which breaks my heart and makes me feel so helpless, he lives in Arizona and I am Connecticut he lives with his dad and step mother I dont know if this situation is what caused this all to happen (I have been diagnosed with depression,mood disorders and slight ocd and a form of an eating disorder) could I be the problem? could I have caused my son to become this way?

I really dont know what to do I am so confused and hurt by all of this Jakob(my son) will say to me after one of his episodes that his heart hurts and that he wants to stop crying but he cant I feel that he may also have an anxiety problem also, he is seeing one of the top child pycologists (I know I spelt that wrong) in the ciontry at ucla I just dont know what to do anymore I know that there really isnt much for me to do except to stand by and watch and hope to god that he will be okay he is such a wonderful loving handsome little boy he is the light of my life he is the center of my world and it kills me to see him suffering like this.

I was just in Arizona last week and after seeing what he has been going thru I just broke down and cried until I couldnt cry anymore. I am so confused and I have so many questions with no one to answer them please if anyone can give me any info ADVISE ANYTHING PLEASE FEEL FREE TO POST TO ME.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-05-2003 - 6:46pm
First of all, I want to let you know that it is NOT your fault that your son was dx with ADHD! ADHD is biological, and studies have shown evidence that it might be heriditary. It is not "his situation" at all!

My guess is that you feel helpless and alone, from such a distance away, and it tears you up inside. That little boy that is so handsome and loving, is still that little boy. ADHD does not change that.

My advice to you, is to do some online research. If you look through the archives, you will find some great websites, pertaining to ADHD, that will be full of valuable insight and wisdom.

Hugs to you, and your will all be OK!

Lil, Mom to 8 yr old son, recently dx with ADHD.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2000
Tue, 08-05-2003 - 6:49pm
You did not cause your child to have ADD/ADHD. However, many of these disorders do seem to run in families.

From the short description you gave of your son, it sounds like he may have some things other than ADD going on.

It sounds like he is in good hands. Do you have any input or communication with the psychologist? I assume he is aware of your medical background as well?

This board is a good source of support and information.



PJPIIadoration.jpg picture by Kimberly_sahm

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 5:11pm

First off, let me say Welcome to our board.

Second, YOU did not cause this to happen to your DS. From what I know about ADD/ADHD, they say it's hereditary, however if it is hereditary it is usually from the father's side of the family as the dr's say. Now with a history of medical problems (if any), there might be a predisposition to allergies or some other disorder, but you didn't give Jakob this. Don't blame yourself. That is one of the grieving steps people go through. My DH did this and he worked through it. I would educate yourself with ADHD so that you understand how it works. I would contact the doctor and see if he/she can address some of your concerns. I would also work directly with the doctor and ask him what type of treatment he is recomending and what he feels will be best for Jakob. Working with the doctor will not only show your concern, but also show you want to be a part of the therapy for Jakob.

The one thing that I need to stress to you is that CONSISTENCY is the key here. You and your EH need to be consistent on the treatment and to be able to communicate with each other openly as well as civilly or this is going to hurt Jakob.

I look forward to seeing more from you.





iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Sun, 08-10-2003 - 10:42pm
I'm in the early stages of seeing a child psychologist to help diagnois my son, so I don't have any advice to give you for your child (just yet!). But just from the tone of your message, I am concerned about you.

First, you have to take care of yourself. The healthier you are, the better he will react to you. You will also be able to think more clearly. Second, there isn't anyone to blame for his illness. The only thing you can do is try to be there for him, and you have to try as hard as you can to be a united front with your ex-husband and his wife.

Good luck. Things will get better. I'm sure you have a lot of support out there. Even strangers like me care!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 8:11am

Sweety, I am so sorry to read about wht you are experiencing. I suffered the same pain and selfdoubt, not to mention guilt when my 9 year old DD was first diagnosed. I think all parents do.

the best advise i can give you is to read everything you can find that is related to ADD/ADHD. Knowledge is power as they say. One of the things you will learn as you go is that ADD is no ones "fault". It is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain the same as the health issues you face. You can no more cause your child to have this than you could cause the chemical imbalance that causes diabetes.

You did not say how much controlle you have over the docoters your child sees or the medical desissions that affect him. If you have any say in that area, I would suggest that your DS should see a nurologist. My DD also offten complained of bad headaches after her worse "no reason" fitts, and was eventually diagnsed with migrain headaches. The tantrums and oversensitivity was caused by the migrain arua. usualy a dose of advil and a nap thakes care of that just fine.

I allso want to add, as someone else here has allready said, you MUST be sure you are taking care of your own problems at this time as well. Your son will know if you are unwell and that may make things a little harder on him. Kids like ours do aften take on guilt that does not realy belonge to them, and he may blame his behavior for your problems, the same way you blame yourself for his if he sees that you are not doing well.

I hope I have said something here that is helpfull to you. Be sure to read, read, read. Educating yourself is the best way to help your son!

I hope thigs get better for you soon.