New foster to adopt 8 year old

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2003
New foster to adopt 8 year old
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 9:07pm

My husband and I have recently taken two brothers into our home to foster/adopt ages 3 and 7, so I am now posting all over the parent's soup boards pleading for help! :)

The 7 year old is ADHD and the biggest issue we are having is his not listening and arguing every single thing we tell him. He is most definately a challenge! He is a pretty social child once he gets to know people and he has bonded very well with my husband. But the incessent arguing is making us crazy. He will also lie about simple things. I can sit and watch him mess with the buttons on the TV and when the picture goes to all snow, he will tell me he doesnt know what is wrong with it. I'll tell him what is wrong is that he just sat there and pushed the buttons and he will look right at me and say "I didnt push anything!" When he call him on the lie, he goes all quiet.

Should we be discipling this behavior and how? I don't know a lot about ADHD, so is this something that just happens or can the behavior be changed? He is on medication. We are new parents and trying to find tactics that work, but need help with his arguing and lying!


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Sun, 07-27-2003 - 2:57pm
Congrats on your two new boys - mine are the same ages and they are a challenge - with or without ADHD thrown into the mix.

I don't know what kind of environment your children came from - maybe lying was a survival skill? But, all kids lie - hard to say.

When my DS - 7 - does stuff like that - I send him to his room until he can tell the truth. He'll usually 'fess up - though I have to say this more of a problem at 5-6 than it is now. Seven/eight is the age of things being more concrete and lying being more of a conscious choice - earlier it is more of a wishful thinking kind of thing - "I wish I hadn't pushed those buttons, so I'll just say I didn't." They are so darn convincing, too!

How long have you had your boys with you? Are your working with a social worker? She may have some referrals for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 11:44am
Hi. Glad you found the board. Is your DS on any medications at this time? If not you may want to consult a Dr. Also, behavior modification is good for any child that has trouble behaving. I would make sure you and DH as well as the school are all consistent with this. You may even need to get an IEP at the school in order for them to do the behavior therapy for DS.

You can try to use a behavior chart to help with the modifications you want. Make sure you allow DS to put on the happy face or star stickers. Let him pick something that he would like to do or get if he makes his goal.

Hope this helps.