Newbie here!

Avatar for bears_mama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Newbie here!
4
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 8:54pm

Hi everyone-

I have an 11 year old son that has just been informally diagnosed with ADD (full neuropsych eval scheduled for next month). I've been having tons of mommy guilt as to why didn't I figure this out earlier. He's forgetful, loses his HW all the time, his desk is a disaster (as is mine so I thought he was just following in my footsteps), impulsive...the whole shebang. I'm curious as to what advice you all have on parenting. It feels like this really changes everything in how we approach him.

Thanks!

Mary

Avatar for bears_mama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: bears_mama
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 10:27am

Thanks Megan!

Are there any books in particular that you'd recommend? I've been looking at several online, but haven't ordered any yet.

I am a teacher myself (I teach ESL at a university), so I've been working with him all along on breaking assignments down into parts, setting up schedules, etc. I'm having issues with his teacher though. I met with her last week and she agreed to one accommodation (he only has to do part of the morning assignment), but then immediately went back on her word and made him do it all. I sent her a very pointed email yesterday reminding her as to what we'd agreed on. She's one of those "this is the way I do it and it's always worked" sorts. She also has definite teacher pets and that makes my kid feel even worse. I like the idea of the laminated list. I'll have to make one of those - and then pray he doesn't lose it! Once we get the official diagnosis I'll be able to set up a 504 plan for him.

I am finding that I'm more patient with him now that we know he's not just trying to be a PITA.

Thanks again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: bears_mama
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 9:22am

In addition to what the cl said (why bother repeating wise advice?)--I'd read a book or two on ADHD kids, the ones that aren't all "must do meds right now" OR "meds are evil" usually include long sections on parenting. The honest truth is that the meds aren't there 24/7 so you'll always have some unmedicated-child-rearing to do, even when the meds are lovely (they are for my kid!).

Summarizing, though: Generically, positive reinforcement works better than negative (though we can do ONE sort of negative--taking away electronics time--effectively). But if I want a behavior change out of him, we head for a reward system (and, yeah, it's usually about MORE electronics time ;} ). Realize that you are going to be explicitly teaching a LOT of stuff that other kids seem to "pick up". You don't say if he's got social issues or not--mine needs a fair amount of explicit "when to do what" teaching there. We've also, literally, taught him organizational techniques that we (his parents) didn't need to use until college. Making lists of what he has to do that day. If there's a long project, making a day-by-day breakdown of what he's going to do each day. And we helped with the list making for awhile, but he owns it now...with, of course, parental checkins. Always keeping your stuff organized--7th grade requires everything to be in 3-ring binders, which is easier in that there's a "right" place for everything to be, securely. We go through & make sure all the papers have made it to the right place, about once a week. What -I- tell him is that it's OK to have low grades (he doesn't tend to), but to lose points for not handing in homework you've actually DONE is just silly. Back in 5th when the homework started really picking up, he had a laminated list on his desk at school, with all the things he needed to do to pack up his bag at the end of the day. Same thing there: teachers made the list (fantastic teachers that year!), then they monitored him checking it off for awhile, then he was OK doing it on his own.

I also teach a lot of "organizing" skills--how to organize your desk, your toys, your room. They clean their own rooms, but they get help when it comes to finding the "correct" place to put things that don't have a correct place.

My desk is a disaster too, but I can TEACH what I don't practice, at least!

Welcome!!!

Megan
Megan
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Registered: 04-21-2008
In reply to: bears_mama
Tue, 03-09-2010 - 1:55pm
Welcome to the board, Mary!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
In reply to: bears_mama
Tue, 03-09-2010 - 12:07am

HI, and welcome!


I have always had firm limits, and we use behavior charts. Meds and therapt help also. All kids are different though, and you have to find what works for your family.


Once we had a diagnosis( ADHD/Innattentive)

A child may HAVE ADHD, but it is not what they ARE. Never tell a child they ARE ADHD.