out of control three year old

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Registered: 12-31-1969
out of control three year old
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:16pm
I have a wonderful little boy who is turning 3 in august, right now he is out of control. i also have an 18 month old daughter, and i am pg with another little girl due in oct. my son bryce is just out of our control, we have tried everything we can think of to get him to listen to us. we are always saying bryce, don't hit your sister, bryce don't bang on the tv. bryce get down from the counter. we have tried to reason with him, bryce honey, it hurts your sister hailey when you hit her/the cats/me/daddy. bryce you might fall from on the top of the counters, please don't climb on them. Time outs don't work, spanking is not working, we are trying to really limit the spanking in the house too. he does things that are just down dangours. he runs away from at the store, in the yard, etc. he knows how to get around our baby proofing, so he can get to the knives, scisorss and things which we keep moving up and up and up. he won't eat anything. we tried to force him to eat, let him choose what he wanted to eat, cut back on the water and milk(he does not drink soda or juice) tried giving him the food he likes, nothing. not one darn thing!! he askes for somethign you give it too him then he refuses to eat it. i am at the end of my rope. our dr. say that he is just a normal toddler. ummm no! he does not act like a normal child, even simple direstions takes me yelling at him to get him to do. won't pick up toys, won't leave teh animal alone, is always hurting his sister and taking things from her. i am so afarid that he is gonna hurt the new baby when she gets here. please someone help me!!

medication would that help? i am postive he has ADHD, i have it, he has all of the signs but drs won't do anythign for it until he is school age, i can't even take this child to a day center (not that i can afford being a stay at home mom)


Avatar for iheidi66
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 3:08am
Hi Becca,

It's pretty typical for three-year olds to be "busy," but I know what you mean. My daughter came out of the womb running! LOL Can't count how many near-death experiences we had with her by the time she hit age 3. Her brother is almost 2 years older than she is, and by the time she was a year we went from saying, "Be nice to your sister," to "Defend yourself!" She is now 10, and definitely has ADHD. She started meds in the fall.

Although doctors are hesitant to diagnose so early because there is still so much going on deveopmentally, I've read from other people than in cases where they are endangering themselves and others on a regular basis, they can start them on medication. I've known of kids being on it at age three. I would just make sure that you are seeing a doc who is experienced in dealing with this, rather than randomly saying, "Let's try this and see what happens."

About the eating, I know it can be alarming, but that is pretty typical toddler/preschooler behavior. I would try not to make a big issue of it. Give him the opportunity to eat at mealtimes, etc. but don't sweat it too bad. He'll eat when he gets hungry. Kids that little eat instinctively; their bodies tell them what they need. Sometimes between growth spurts they're just not hungry. He'll probably be eating you out of house and home before too long! We could always tell when our son was getting ready to grow because he would eat all the time, and then after he grew he didn't eat as much. We could also tell when his body was craving potassium because when we would go grocery shopping he would yell, "Nanas!" when he saw the bananas and go berserk do the "gimme" hands. He would eat all of the ones I bought in two days flat. I would think, "Okay, he loves bananas," and buy more, and he wouldn't want any for several weeks, when the next craving hit. Then he'd repeat the whole process. It was hilarious.

I hope some of this helped! Good luck with your little boy--he sounds like a very intelligent, busy boy! Heidi



"That which we pers

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 8:00am
My heart goes out to you.

My son Jamie was exactly the same at 3, it was his hardest year for me. He was so out of control. Let me rephrase that he was so in control of everything we did. He ruled the roost.

A pediatrician diagnosed him with ADHD 2 weeks before his 3rd birthday and he started ritalin. It did calm him down but it didn't agree with him and I kept pulling him off it because he appeared so miserable and used to cry all the time. He also would not eat and got very skinny.

In retrospect, I really should have weathered out the storm for a while and waited until he had more of an ability to express himself verbally. I find 3 year olds, even though they can talk well tend to express themselves in a non-verbal fashion more, with the hittng and biting, rather than telling you they are sad/irritated/mad and why. Perhaps that's why he was so bad back then.

I was home with him most of that year and I was terrified to take him most places, and the house was trashed. We put locks on all the doors to bedrooms except the one with his toys in it and took everything but his toys out of it. I had to remove the dresser and his little table and chair because he was always up on them.

The difference a year makes between 3 and 4 was quite amazing, however he was still on ritalin, and appeared very unhappy.

He'll be 5 in August and has mood disorder/ADHD and we are working on new meds. One thing I can suggest that really worked for Jamie is risperdal. It really cut back on the agression and seemed to calm him a little. Also clonidine is a good med to calm the little kids down and it's not a stimulant. In larger doses it makes them drowsy. That's all if you want alternatives to a stimulant.

There is no harm in an evaluation, I had to push and beg and scream before anyone would take me seriously when he was that age. But someone eventually did listen.

Good luck