Revisiting DS 12's situation...
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|Sun, 07-19-2009 - 7:38pm|
Hi again, I hope everyone is enjoying summer. (Er, that is everyone who lives somewhere that's having summer right now. Anybody out there enjoying a different season?)
I know I've posted about not being sure of my son's diagnoses...
Let's assume for today that he's correctly diagnosed. Here's how I'm feeling today about our nightmare of a life...I posted earlier on another board (attachment parenting - a few years ago I posted a few times on it but mostly lurked - that was before things went completely south). I was reminded that a big part of good parenting is making sure that what you ask of the child is reasonable, appropriate etc. I started writing back and realized that since most of my reply related to how the ADHD rules our lives, I should probably cut and paste it here to see any BTDT responses from you all.
He's very intelligent (IQ wise) and labeled gifted in math and science but he also has a learning disability and severe ADHD. His ADHD is the combined type and he has all 18 symptoms as well as a bunch of executive function and sensory integration issues. Meds don't help much at all, though we keep trying. Plus, most specialists say that kids with ADHD, no matter how smart, are often emotionally immature by anywhere from 3-6 years compared to their chronological age. With my DS I see that in 'meltdowns' brought on by frustration, anger or physiological issues. Only, I usually can't get to the root cause until after he's put himself and everyone else through the meltdown! So, he's smart and loves information but he has so much trouble planning, doing tasks to completion, and writing things out that he now hates school and literally every aspect of life is a complete struggle: from normal chores, practicing the instrument he's chosen, homework, to even how he treats his brother and I. If he can turn a situation into a struggle he does and purposely or not it's a major problem. (Unless of course I wanted to not parent him and let him completely do or not do whatever he wants every minute every day, but I don't think that's an option.)
I feel like his planning and follow through problems combined with the temperamental extremes make every minute of every day like a bomb waiting to go off. He's a pile of contradictions and is all over the map. When a day or even a task has gone somewhat well, I try to duplicate it but usually it doesn't work. I feel crazy because what works one day in a situation won't work the next in the same situation. To top it off he's often hateful and mean to me if anything is required of him, no matter how I do or don't do things, but usually he's at least nice to others - though not any more inclined to follow through for them either. He's just less mean toward them. - Probably because it's not their job to ensure that he does what he's supposed to, takes his medicine and generally functions. Honestly, I think that over time, I've picked up his way of treating me and now I mirror it back at him and everything is a vicious cycle that somehow I have to put the breaks on.
Does anyone else here successfully navigate anything like this?