sadly we've made up our minds

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
sadly we've made up our minds
11
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 2:56pm
We pulled my son from public school this week. I know only two weeks or so left.

this is kindergarten. but some of the parents thought my son was hindering the performance of their children. oh and he had a crush on one of the little girls.

The parents, gosh it reminds me of that scene from Frankenstien when all the towns people go looking for the monster. Well in my case he's a 6 year old boy.

I know my son isn't innocent but he doesn't deserve what these other parents are doing.

These are my nieghbors and they are spreading gossip around about us, these are the same

people that have sat at my table and ate my food. well F*@k them. I'm so mad right now

I can't have my son at the school they (the parents) have threatened to call police and

or have him taken out, becasue they say he is distruptive. God he is just a typical 6 year old. He hasn't even been diagnosed with anything yet. His Pedi says nothing wrong with him. two shrinks say the same, school counselor says he is ADHD and want me to get

ritalin for him or some thing like that.

I keep thinking i'll wake from this dream...and all will be well in the world again.

thanks for listening again..I'm new to the board and haven't posted an introduction yet.

I'm a mother of 3 I work my husband stays home.

how was that.

thanks again...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 5:31pm
What are you going to do with him? Are you going to send him to school in the fall or homeschool? Your husband is just as capable as you to homeschool. I have found it very challenging to homeschool with other kids in the house. I have homeschooled for 2y now and next year I will be sending my girls to public. My situation is the opposite of yours. I can't homeschool because of my undiagnosed 3yo. He is so disruptive--my girls can't concentrate and learn what they need to. He goes to a special ed preschool--2x/week and next year it will be 4x/week. But when he is home--I need to spend good quality time with him and the baby.

When the time comes---my son will either HAVE to go to school to learn how to socialize or will have to be homeschooled because he CAN'T socialize. He's still young--so we have hope.

Good Luck!! You are in a tough situation!!

Holly

Avatar for littleroses
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 7:16pm
Wow, I don't know your whole story, but your son certainly sounds persecuted and completely misunderstood. They want to call the police because he is disruptive in class? I would say, go right ahead. What's the worst that could happen? They can't haul a kindergartener to jail. They can't haul you to jail for having your son in school. If they have a problem they can pull THEIR child out of school. It is a public school. If they want their child in a school where everyone is the same race, religion, financial background, etc then it's their job locate that for their child. I have 2 disruptive children. One has mild autism and makes all kinds of of loud noises during class. Children are perfectly capable of having crushes, too. That seems sort of...human. I recall having little crushes at that age and it was cute. Now it's what? A lawsuit? Whatever you decide is best for your family, I am so sorry you are having to experience this. You know, these kids aren't bad. They process the world differently. When you tell a kid like this who has trouble processing stuff something like "You can't go outside until you've cleaned your room." Oftentimes all they can focus on is the first part of the sentence: *You can't go outside* Then it's meltdown city. People have difficulty understanding that we don't come into this world neatly and identically packaged. A little compassion and tolerance goes a long way. I'm so sorry this has been so hard for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 8:20pm
Wow do I know what it feels like to be in your shoes!!

I spent several years taking my son, who is now 12, to Dr's. I got everything from it was just me to he is overly anxious. The school would tell me he was adhd but the dr's wouldn't. What was I to do??? Well I kept trying to find out what was wrong, most kids do not act the way he did. I took him to a physcoligist who preformed a 3 part test on him. Most of the testing was to see how impulsive he was. It shows a picture on a screen and tells them to click when they see that picture come up again. The point behind it was to see if he could wait for the picture to appear before pushing the button. He couldn't!

Part of this was also observing him, this is very improtant because kids with adhd often behave in an erractic manner, by this I mean they don't stay on task with one thing. If you feel that your child has adhd I would recomed that you seek help in getting it under controll. Once you have that dignosis he becomes intitled to special help in school and you will NEVER have to face teachers that are constantly putting your child down. He will get the help he needs to stay on track and lean while he is in school and that is one of the most important things you can do for him.

I complettly agree with your seniment of F the neighbors/parents that show so little concern for another child. He has as much right to an education as thier children do! And if they don't feel the teacher is equipted to deal with the situation, because it is the teachers job to deal with it in the most appropriate fashion, then they need to remove thier child!

I hope this helps! Hang in there!!!

Avatar for kathy_in_ga
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 10:53pm
OMG, do the not know this is a little child???!?

How awful for you to have to go through all this. My son IS disruptive, the kids in each of his grades have learned to ignore his constant noises & tapping & banging. GEEZ, kids HAVE to learn there ARE different kinds of people in the world. Watch your back, keep all records from the school, psychs, get everything in writing. You may need them one day, esp with neighbors like yours. IF CPS is called you will have documentation.

I am glad he is at a place he likes to be. Will he stay there for the next year?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 05-29-2003 - 4:03pm
thanks so much for your responses.

i did keep him in school I went in today and sat in the principals office and told him

that if the other mother didn't want her child in class with my son then that was her

choice. Screw her. I was not going to make my son feel like he did something wrong

and had to be taken out of school. I have had him evaluated but not by a nuerologist, just a counselor and a phychiatrist, both state he is not ADHD or ODD. he is IMPULSIVE, but both doctors think that he will just out grow it, and that maybe he is a bit immature.

my first priority is my son. I could care less if my nieghbors like me or not.

I would never do that to their children. These are kids we are talking about, and every child matures at a different rate. I should also note my son is most likely acting out because he has been my only child for 5 years, and I just gave birth to triplets. I would think that any professional child care worker would be able to recognize his jealousy.

anyways i appreciate your responses.

thanks it really is good to know you are all out there and I have a place to vent when I need to.

Sara

Avatar for kathy_in_ga
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-29-2003 - 4:22pm
GASP!!!! Triplets?? OMG!! Well, no wonder he's having a hard time. Geez people, let the kid adjust! Happy for you, enjoy them before they drive you nuts!LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 05-29-2003 - 4:43pm
yes and he loves his little sisters very much, even when they teeth on his favorite spiderman toy. My husband and I go thru so much to make sure he doesn't feel left out and work very hard to involve him with the girls. I know we doing the best we can for him. I feel that his impulsiveness is an attention getter the other kids laugh so he is getting the response he set out for.

between his problems with the school and the girls keeping me up at night (yes I'm still nursing)...I'm crazy I know, but this is the last week. I work full time as a software engineer, and my husband is just as geeky as me when it comes to work, we ride Harley's on the weekend, and my son loves to ride on the back of my bike. The girls well when they get old enough...we'll have to see what we'll do then.

gosh....am I rambling on and on again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 6:33pm
Here's a thought for you! My dad came home from the hospital in the side car of my grandmothers Indian. (I wish we would have kept them in the family, but they were sold shortly after my Aunt and father became todlers for a four door)! I bet they make side cars for Harley's. Sio
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 05-31-2003 - 10:22am
They probably do make great side cars. I'll have to have my husband look into it for me.

Thanks for reading my last rant/post. its been such a frustrating week. I sometimes feel that the people where I live are being unreasonable. Even when I put myself into their shoes I still don't see a reason for what they are doing.

Its like they think my son is a monster. these are people that have been to my home,

that have turned on me because my son is impulsive in class.

12 parents have written letters that they do not want their children in class with my son.

I really wish that I could say my son was dangerous, that atleast would give them reason.

All I can really come up with is that my son is impulsive, but has never been a danger to anyone (not even himself) and that the people in my nieghborhood are extremely snobby.

I sometimes wish we had bought in a more modest neighborhood. Maybe then we'd have nicer

neighbors.

I don't know. Has anyone ever gone thru this?

its so weird.

thanks again for listening to me.

Sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Sat, 05-31-2003 - 9:26pm
Sara, I really feel for you and understand how you feel.

One of my friends has had problems similar to your's at our school. Turns out her grade 2 troublemaker was extreemly gifted but the school had always refused to have him tested.

What was actually happening at the time was that as different parents were speaking with the principal he would ask them about this mother and mention how much trouble she was causing him. He ruled the school and heaven help any of us who argued/disagreed with him. He called CPS on them a few times, the child is very large and looked like an 11 or 12 yo when he was only 7. Ended up that even minor altercations (he said no to a teacher) had huge impact. The principal was determined to get all us troublemakers out of the school, our kids did not fit the norm and we were demanding proper help for them. He only wanted 'normal' (read never any problems) kids in his school of 334 kids.

People found out that she had called the superintendant, from the principal no less, and started a petition. It stated that she was a bad mother and her 3 boys were awful and the principal was wonderful. The principal probably offered a computer to the mom who started this, that was his way. BTW I really liked this mother, she was a lot of fun to talk to about anything.

The principal basically ended up threatening this poor child, and the mother pulled him from the school and had him privately tested. Around the same time I was having an awful time with my DD, she would not get dressed to to major SI issues (went from minor SI to major SI due to 5 days on Dexadrine). I finally sent her to school in PJ's with her clothes in her backpack and the principal called CPS on me! I was devastated at the time but CPS was wonderfull, they were getting fed up with this guy and his made up stories. CPS told me they were going to do something about it, two weeks later there was an announcement that the principal was changing schools. Yahoo!!!!!!

That was a long story to say that 'snobby' or not, it's not always the parents that are the start of the problems, its sometimes the principal (even if they act very concerned and seem helpful). What neither the other mother or I knew at the time was that there were actually 6 of us going through this crap. When all this stuff is going on, we don't tend to tell other people all the details, so we may not find out who else has the same problems.

Maybe there are some other's at your school that are also having problems that you don't know about. It all sounds a bit overboard and ridiculous for you and your's, that's what makes me wonder.

I love the new principal, she told me that I had done a lot of work and it was now her time to step in and get us some extra help!!! And she has come through for us, see my note 'A few answers, at last' I posted yesterday.

If some of the above sounds a bit strange, there's a lot more to it. I just tried to post the relevant parts. No you are not alone, yes it is weird. Are the teachers there used to dealing with children that don't fit the norm? If not, maybe its like our school was and someone doesn't want these kids there. If you give the parents a hard enough time, most of them will move, unfortunately. Our teachers are very willing to learn about special ed, but they have never really had the opportunity till now. None of them have ever heard of SI or NVLD, now they have and they are finding it facinating.

Hope this all makes some kind of sense to you Sara,

Good Luck, Susan

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