She told me she hates me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
She told me she hates me...
3
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 10:05pm
and I know she didn't mean it, but darn, that HURT! I took DD to the fireworks last night so she missed about 3 hours of sleep (made up about 1 1/2 hours sleeping in this morning) and I know how much of a crab she can be when she misses even a minute of sleep. Anyhow, I gave her the "we're leaving in a few minutes" warning and she got all upset and threw a stupid plastic thing on my car in defiance. So she got a swat on the rump and it just set her off. I haven't seen her go to the extremes she went to tonight.....throwing her bag, yelling, and just losing control in general (all of this happening in front of my parents) She just looked at me and screamed "I hate you!" Ouch..... I didn't respond to that at all, but I did cry the whole way home. When I tucked her in, she said she was sorry and she didn't mean it, I kissed and hugged her and told her I know she didn't. So, now she's sleeping (and has been since 7 pm) and I'm hopeful for a much better day tomorrow.
Avatar for keke0116
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-06-2003 - 8:27am
They never mean it, but it still hurts. All kids say this at one point or another, and what they really mean is 'I'm angry right now' but they don't express it well ... so they go for the jugular. I think when our ADD/ADHD (or ODD) kids say it, it hurts even more 'cause we know just how much time and effort and love WE put into THEM day in, day out ... so it becomes even more personal. Kevin will sometimes throw the 'you don't love me ... you do so much more for Kelli' crap at me and I want to hand him the list of just how much time I spend on time (plus money and effort and energy) and how, in the scheme of things, Kelli (his 7 y.o. sis) is actually terribly neglected because of it, but what's the point? They're kids, they don't really know how to argue or rationalize or negotiate, so they do what they know ... and that's to say the thing they know that will get a reaction. "I hate you" works every time.

Nancy

Nancy 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Sun, 07-06-2003 - 10:10am
Both of my kids have said that to me. I don't for a minute think they meant it. I think they just try out these things to say "I'm really, really mad at you...I'm really frustrated...I'm smaller than you, but here's something that can get you!" This is a pretty scary thing for a kid to say - for themselves. They don't mean it.

Plus - I have a great mothering example - I can remember saying the same thing to my mom. She never let us see if stuff like this got to her. So, I did the same. When one of my kids was about 5, he said "I hate you." And my response was, "I always love you, no matter what." Then I sent him to time out for being disrespectful. After a while, he apologized. It hasn't happened again. He has been ugly since then - but he hasn't said this again. For him - I think two reasons: He doesn't hate me and it didn't work - he didn't get the reaction he wanted.

I'm sure your child loves you - and besides - it is our job to do things that make them mad. If we only did things they liked, we'd be their friends, not parents!


Avatar for kathy_in_ga
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-06-2003 - 11:10pm
This is my responce when mys on says that to me. "Well good, I've done my job then". Or "Then my job is done". He hates it when I say that. ROFL. They only say that kind of thing jsut to hurt you. They really don't mean it. And if you show emotion over it, they will use it again. Chin up dear, she will have many more years to "hate" you! ;0)