social problems w/ 7 yr old girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2001
social problems w/ 7 yr old girl
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 12:00am
Hi there, I have a daughter, 7, that we are just realizing has ADHD. My main concern is that she is isolating herself socially and has a difficult time maintaining friendships. Because my older son has Aspergers and really struggles socially, I never understood or realized that social problems went with ADHD. This is the hardest part for me, to see my kids without friends. Is social struggles a common symptom of ADHD. What do you do about it? Thanks, Hattie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 10:18am

I've certainly been told that my son's social struggles are part of the ADHD, yes. 7 yrs old? Let's see, they recommended having 1-on-1 playdates at that age. Is there any kind of lunch-buddies thing at your school? My kid did a lunch-friendship kind of thing where they played boardgames (supervised), the idea was to train them in social skills. He's in 7th grade, and I have no idea how well either of these worked (couldn't really manage LOTS of playdates, because we both work, and also, it was very hard to tell who would want to come anyhow). Finally, would the school give you social pragmatics? (how to have a conversation, deal with things socially, etc.)

Completely with you on the "hardest" bit. Somehow it's a bit easier for me to deal with in 7th grade, because that's around when I had no friends, either. Oh, and he does have 1 friend.

On the possibly plus side for you, what -I- did was simply use the ideas/suggestions they give for aspergers kids on my ADHDer, since the social issues seem (in MY kid) fairly related.

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 2:04pm

I think that it's probably pretty common, or else it has been for my DS (who is 12).

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 3:33pm

HI, and welcome!

A child may HAVE ADHD, but it is not what they ARE. Never tell a child they ARE ADHD.

Avatar for kathyjoenathan
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 8:43pm

Hi -

Check with your daughter's school - our elementary school has a program my son attends every other Friday during his recess; it's


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2009
Fri, 05-28-2010 - 9:58am

Yes, imho (and experiences), adhd kids do have trouble socially. In my experience it really depends on the kid. My DS has a few friends at 7, but personally, i don't care for a couple of them, but he tends to gravitate towards older kids, which i think he needs the intellectual stimulation, but maturity-wise...he's too young for them and i don't like he wants to be with them.

Another common theme that another person mentioned is the blaming thing.... my step-daughter, who is nearly 22, was/IS ALWAYS blaming th other person and she, over her life, has jumpe from one best friend to another....and if you ask about why she is no longer friends with the other person we are/were always told that they are "stupid" or "dumb" or some other similar story. When in reality the friend probably dumped her b/c they got tired of the lies...yet another common theme I have seen.... my brother and step-daughter both have ADHD and are two peas in a pod when it comes to the lying thing; DS is too young yet to be heading that way with the lying. Step-daughter lied to us all of last year about being enrolled in college. All the time we were sending her money and had no clue she wasn't in school until yet another lie got her busted and now WE are stupid, etc... and it's all our fault...blah, blah, blah...

Anyway, getting an appropriate diagnosis is really important for you to get the best help, which i am sure you know from your older child. DS goes to a social skills group, but it doesn't really teach him HOW to make friends, which I think is something that can't really be taught, it's just a natural thing...idk... maybe I am wrong about that thought b/c I never had problems making friends and DD is quite the social butterfly at age 5. And even though DS doesn't have a lot of friends he knows a LOT of people (hmmm....just like my brother). I struggle with it too and I totally empathize with you. It IS heartbreaking to have to see your child with no friends. I had a best friend when i was 3 and we are STILL best friends 35 years later!


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2010
Mon, 05-31-2010 - 5:17pm


I know exactly how it feels to watch your child all alone. I remember my daughter telling me I was her only friend in the whole world when she was seven.

She is now nine and still