son sitting alone in class with back

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
son sitting alone in class with back
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 9:57pm
MY son is 7 yrs old and the school tested him for adhd and they say he has it.Im not sure on medicated him right now have mixed feelings about that but what gets me that his desk is away from other kids and he is faceing the wall with his back turned to everyone else.I just dont feel thats right .They are labeling him and i think the teacher would really like to see him medicated so her work will be easier. What to do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2000
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 10:35pm
I'm a teacher, and I have certainly in my career moved children to different places in my room where they might be more successful themselves or less disruptive to the other children. Right now I have a seat far away from the others in the back of my room. I haven't assigned it to anyone in a long time, but my middle schoolers will often sit there of their own accord just to have a place that's a little calmer. I have other students that sit within arm's reach of my assistant - some by choice, some out of necessity. I have a few that are always right up front where I am.

If I were you, I would seek an second opinion. Here, schools can not diagnose ADD. We can get in trouble for even suggesting to a parent that their child might have it. I would talk to his doctor or possibly try to get an evaluation done privately with a psychologist or psychiatrist. I would also talk to the teacher and find out why she has him isolated what else she thinks can be done to help your son. My Kindergaten DS had some problems this year. He was diagnosed, but we have not yet started him on any medication. His teacher (who is a living saint, IMHO) was willing to work with him on target behaviors and offer him rewards. He thinks skeletons are really cool, so she made a deal with him that when he did certain things (staying in seat or not bothering others) he would get a bone to add to his skeleton. WHen he got the whole skeleton, he got a reward (like a recess with the teacher during nap time or a chance to stay inside to play in the centers at recess). This has helped him A LOT.

Medication is a personal decision. I had reached a point with my 1st grader last year that I had no other option to try with him. We had hours of tearful homework every single night and NOTHING helped....bribery, spanking, timers, yelling, shorter work periods with breaks, taking away privleges, giving him something to work for. Nothing.

Medication is something you do to help your child succeed, not the teacher. We had the teacher from Hades last year, and I sure didn't start him on medication to make HER job easier. I did it to help him be less frustrated, less clueless, and better able to learn. And it has been a godsend for us. He went from failing 1st grade last year to making Principal's List (all A's) twice this year.

Good luck to you. I think that lots of communcication between you and the teacher will go a long way towards helping your child.



PJPIIadoration.jpg picture by Kimberly_sahm

Avatar for keke0116
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-16-2003 - 6:34am
That breaks my heart. To medicate or not to medicate is YOUR decision, not the school's ... and medicating is to help the child to learn, to help him focus in class so that he can learn and reach his potential, and NOT to make the teacher's job easier. With that said, I will tell you that I was anti-meds for years, until we really had a full evaluation done, had the correct and complete diagnosis, and had struggled for years battling my DS ... but his issues were more behavioral (ODD) and not as bad at school. But, because he has ADHD is not a reason to isolate him and separate him from the class unless (and until) he is actually causing a disruption. That, to me, sounds like a punishment ... but must he be punished day after day after day, especially for behaviors that are beyond his control? I don't think so! SO, if he misbehaves and is disrupting the class, he may need to be removed from his seat and moved to an isolated place in the classroom ... perhaps even for the rest of the day depending on the infraction ... but then the next day, he should go back to his regular desk.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Fri, 05-16-2003 - 9:39am
So sorry to hear what the teacher is doing to your son. I wouldn't put

up with that. Kids who are diagnoised with a disorder and are already

some what different then other kids should not be treated like that.

These poor kids feel different already and putting a 7 year old in a

seat with his back against the class is not making him feel good about

himself. I have an 12 year old son who is ODD,ADD and depression. He is

on straterra and it seems to be working for his impulsive behavior and his

focusing. My DS has had problems in school because of his disorders and I

have had teachers treat him differently and the other kids have picked up

on it and he is teased about it. He was diagnoised with depression a few

months ago and I think the teasing has made his depression worse. Just

this past week one boy who has been teasing him for a while now has

started to call him freak, so I made my son go to the principle and tell him

because names like that are not going to make my son feel good about himself.

So my son tells the principle and it has been 5 days now and the principle

hasn't spoken to the boy yet. SO if the boy isn't spoken to today I will

be calling the school on Monday to see why he hasn't taking care of the problem.

And I know why the principle hasn't done anything and it's because my son

has all these disorders and the school puts blame on my son. Like it's my

sons fault he has these problems. MY DS has to live with the disorders all

his life and thats hard enough for him. I think schools need to be more

educated on kids with disorders and something needs to be done. I feel

that your son is being treated badly and that the teacher is wrong.

Good luck, Marie
Avatar for kathy_in_ga
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-16-2003 - 9:39am
Isolating a child is used often. What I have asked my sons teacher to do it at the begining of each day to let him sit at a table with the other kids. IF he is disruptive move him to a desk which is sits near the teacher. THEN if he can get a hold of himself for a while put him back with the other kids. MY son suffers greatly with social situations, for him to be isolated more would not help that problem. Teachers cannot diagnose ADHD or ask for meds. Only a doc can diagnose. It is illegal for a teacher or school to even mention meds, BUT I hear a lot do that. You do what you are comfortable with doing. Read everything you can & educate yourself.

If you are not sure about medication or treatment, here are some things to ask yourself. Is your son happy being singled out & taken away from the other kids? Do the other kids think he's "weird" or strange or just don't want to play with him because of his behaviors (like getting into someone's space, interrupting a conversation or butting into a game)? If you have the gut feeling that isolation is not the answer, then you are probably right. You know how your son reacts, you know how to deal with him to get him to settle down. Try sharing some of that knowlege with his teacher.

Also try a behavior modification, like stickers each hour if he is not disrupting, or a token, he can save up all day and redeem for something like computer time, being able to leave class 5 minutes at the end of the day (gives him more time to get to the bus or walk home earlier). Also, have something the teacher gives him at the end of the day for YOU to see what kind of day he had. I had a box of things for my son to pick out of if he had a good day, Hotwheels, gum, candy, mom time cards, computer time cards, staying up 30 later cards were what I used to reinforce good behavior. Try to work with the teacher in getting your son back into the seating he is supposed to be in. If the teacher is not willing to work with you, request testing be done on your son for any learning disabilities & such. Then you will have a meeting to see if he qualifies for an IEP (individual education plan). In this plan you can incorporate some of the things that may help your son succees in school, socially & academically.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 12:11am
Make the teacher sit in his chair while you stand at the front of the room and talk to her. See if she can comprehend what is being said.

That is an OUTRAGE!!

Know your rights. We as parents are protected by the federal gov.

Read this excerpt:

How are schools involved in diagnosing, assessing and treating ADHD?

Schools are federally mandated to perform an appropriate evaluation if a child is suspected of having a disability that impairs academic functioning. This policy was strengthened by regulations implementing the 1997 reauthorization of the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), which guarantees appropriate services and a public education to children with disabilities from ages three to 21. For the first time, ADHD is included as a qualifying condition for special education services. If the assessment performed by the school is inadequate or inappropriate, parents may request that an independent evaluation be conducted at the school's expense. Furthermore, some children with ADHD qualify for special education services within the public schools, under the category of "Other Health Impaired." In these cases, the special education teacher, school psychologist, school administrators and classroom teachers, along with parents, must assess the child's strengths and weaknesses and design an Individualized Education Program. These special education services for children with ADHD are available though IDEA.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Tue, 06-24-2003 - 10:42am
First off, I would like to state that this teacher, who chooses to alienate your child like that, must not have kids of his/her own. And if He/She does have any children, they need to learn how to treat your child like if was their own. I am sure your child would not be treated like that, if your child was that teacher's child. That teacher might need to be approached in a professional manner and asked what his/her intentions are for doing what he/she is doing and to clarify what your child did to deserve the corner treatment? From what you are telling me, I am assuming that your son is not doing anything wrong and just being put in the corner with no disciplinary reason. If that is the case, you might even need to bring it to the principles attention and I will rest to assure you, that your child will be involved with the other children and not alienated like that.

Secondly, I think ADHD is the most ridiculous diagnosis that doctors created to compensate for teachers inadequacies for delivering the teaching material to energetic children such as your son. Personally, I think Adhd is not a disorder. If anything, it can develop into a lot of positive characteristics in a childs life, later on. Did you know that most children that were supposedly diagnosed with this disorder, are simply children whose minds are able to absorb the material the teacher is teaching at high rate that they are just simply bored and want the teacher to move on to the next subject. Basically what I am trying to say is that just because one doctor makes a diagnosis that your child has Adhd. Then it doesn't mean that your child has it. It is such a frequent diagnosis that anyone can just throw that word up and say your child has it.

On a positive note, let's rid this negative word called Adhd, and call it a highly energetic and enthusiastic child (HEEC). Children who are highly energetic do not have attention deficiencies, yet they just need another approach in learning the material. As I mentioned before that children with high energy levels can develop into positive characteristics. I have seen teachers that have dealt with child that have (HEEC), by asking them to help them around the class room such as: wiping the whiteboard, or passing out the paper, and doing things to help them burn some of that extra energy. Sometimes children do not know how to direct their extra energies, and it is up to us as parents and as teachers to direction that energy in the right direction. As for the doctors who perscribe these hormonal drugs, I find it quite disturbing and very dangerous that they would do such a thing. Children who are still developing, do not need hormonal drugs when they are still trying to develop their own hormones into and towards their puberty to begin with. Famous people like Lisa Marie Prestley are fighting these drugs from entering our developing childrens bodies. I find it unnatural and very detrimental to a childs development to a preteen or teenager or even a matured adult. Please do anything and everything to keep your child away from those hormonal drugs.

Good Luck..

Saying for the day: Take two steps back to look at the full picture and then two steps forward to create the picture the way you would like it to be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 10:55am
My son was in K-5 last year had to have his own desk for some of the year for the other kids protection. He can be violent and can not control what he does. He is one angery child. They were going to video taped him for part of the year, but then his meds started to work. If he wasnt so young he wouldnt have been at school, or that what they told me. He took a pair of rounded scissors and treid to stab a kid so they had him sit at his own table after that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Sun, 09-21-2003 - 6:27pm
What meds worked?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 8:00pm
My son is almost 7 yrs. and has NOT been diagnoised with ADD as of yet.

I am pretty sure he has it as is his teacher but we're not ready for the "label"

yet. His teacher is wonderful! He sits as close to her as he can get and still be

among the other kids in class. She is able to quietly remind him to stay on task and

finish his worksheet with out alerting the other kids. She also sends him secret "signals" to help him stay on task. Your son should not be sitting away from

the other kids. He should be close to the action.

My son is not hyperactive and can sit in class just fine. He does have problems

focusing on the work--especially if he is not that interested.

I feel he needs meds. to help him do this but am petrified of the side affects.

Any thoughts?