Tantrums over not getting her way

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Tantrums over not getting her way
Mon, 12-19-2011 - 11:26am


I'm new here. My 6.5 yo daughter was recently diagnosed with ADHD. She holds it together at school, but loses it mostly with me at home, not my husband so much. It has gotten worse recently, holidays, I suppose. It can be around turning tv off, getting ready for bed, anything she doesn't want to do. She starts yelling, hitting, throwing things. Time outs don't work because she will not stay in her room. She doesn't care if we take away privileges. She is really out of control. She is in therapy, we have tried lots of things, OT for sensory, parenting group, reward charts. Sometimes we have to hold her to protect her and us. She is not on meds, but we have recently started melatonin to get her to sleep. It has worked a few nights, but didn't last night. We also give her omega 3's.

I am really sad because I miss my sweet girl. She seems so out of control. Anyone had experience with this and what has worked for you?


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2011
Sat, 12-31-2011 - 1:25pm
Transition periods like going to bed are always tough to handle. I would continue with the reward charts, but develop a routine and be consistent with it daily. Your behavior problems are a response probably due to maturation, and her feeling insecure. Schedule, and knowing the consequences for her behavior. Best transition I have seen for bed is: 45 minutes before bedtime, tv goes off, jammies go on, and quiet time with a story.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Thu, 12-22-2011 - 5:05pm
Until you are able to do what Sartooth says, write down a complete routine for the day, and go over it with her. (School days, non-school days.) Build in there some time for shopping and stuff. If she knows what is going to happen, and can look at the schedule to see, yes, it is time for dinner, bed, etc, it may help some. For holiday visits, make the schedule the night before, and go over it with her. (7:00 get up, breakfast, get dressed. 9:00, get in car and leave for Grandma's. 10:00 get to Grandma's, go play with cousins outside. 1:00 Dinner. 3:00 Leave for home. Some time in there, no exact time, we will open presents. )

Limit red dye (if you aren't already, and be aware it is cheap chocolate and lots of juices.) We have friends with issues with dye and react like you say your daughter does. Keeping a food diary would be good, to see if any of the things she is eating is a trigger (or, conversely, the lack of food - she is hungry and needs a snack and can't vocalize it, which is something a fair number of kids can't do.)

Not sure how your bedtime routine is, but for my kids it is very helpful to have a small bedside lamp and books to read. The don't need to go to sleep, they just need to stay in bed. Some new books just for bedtime may help with this at first.

Good luck, and may this just be a stage that passes soon!

You may be doing all of this already, as suggested by the therapist. If so, keep with the routine as much as possible and give her warnings before changing things. It does sound like she is letting her hair down when she gets home because she feels that you are a safe person that she can do that with. Acknowledge that school is hard, tiring, lots of work. Let her know she can just veg for a while, or go out and run around before you expect her to do homework or such. And be sure there is a good snack in there too!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Thu, 12-22-2011 - 12:37am

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