Too much stress today...:(

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Too much stress today...:(
5
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 5:22pm
Okay, besides trying to figure out if my son can handle Cub scouts and everything it entails..because he's not giving up on the idea. That was the other thing. He's joined things before like karate and then wants to quit after two or three sessions and then we are out of a bunch of $$$. I want to make sure he really wants to do this and that it is work not just a bunch of fun. That's how they are making it sound anyways.

Today he came home crying because an older brother of one of his friends from the neighborhood announced to everyone on his bus about the "mail incident" that happened this summer. I don't know if you all remember when I told you about it but my son was involved with taking some mail with another boy- the postmaster general was at our door, scared the crap out of him (and ME) but he admitted it and the other boy blamed him so in the eyes of all the neighbors...he's the bad kid on the block. Well, this older boy's parents are splitting up and he's been acting out alot. I just feel bad for my son. He made a mistake and he wasn't the only one. The other kid's mom lied for him. Maybe we should have too!! Now people are holding it against him. He has a bus buddy from his class last year and he overheard but I guess that his friend believed him. I called up his mom but no answer. They are probably left home alone again after school. He's 10 and his brother is in first grade. Isn't that against the law? Anyways, I told my DS next time someone brings it up tell them It wasn't just you.

Then, I already got a note from my son's teacher stating she wants to meet with me sometime next week. Here we go! I can't handle another year like last. I just want some teacher to try to understand my kid. Maybe I should just homeschool!

GRRRRR...ready to pull my hair out today!

Amy
Nurturedheartmom

Amy -

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2000
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 7:44pm
Sorry about the stress....

A couple of more words about Cub Scouts. One good thing about it is the variety of activities. Whereas soccer is just soccer, Cub Scouts might be visiting a fire station, going camping, going to a hockey game, talking about ways to keep safe and healthy, making birdhouses, christmas caroling at the nursing home, ETC.

That mess with the friend is one of worst things about being a parent, I would think.

I have to tell you what goes in each kids' folder at our school at the end of the year is a copy of their grades, attendance, and standardized testing. That is about it. There are no copies of discipline records and no bundles of teachers notes and observations. I don't know how it is elsewhere, but you might ask to see what is in Austin's folder and alleviate some of your worries.

Try to go in to the meeting with his teacher with a sense of working together as a team.

As a teacher, I do try to give everyone a fresh chance at the beginning of each year. Even the ones that I've taught the previous year. And every year there are a couple who surprise me - either for the better or for the worse. But, eventually, it seems, the status quo returns. The kid that I have this year who went ballistic last year for other teachers, has finally shown his true colors to me. Refused to go to his assigned class today and then stormed out of my class slamming the door when I started to write him up. He still has a short fuse.

We do seek to understand our kids. But even though I understand - or try to understand my students - there are some things that I just cannot let go. And often my first step is to call the parents to see how THEY handle this or that behavior. And very, very often, I get "he does the same thing at home, and I have no idea what to do about it". Well....OK.

I'm a teacher who genuinely cares for my kids. But I still do have discipline problems, paperwork problems, parents who can't stand me, etc. I work with a staff of teachers who do their darndest to educate every child that they are given, but often fail with some.

I don't know where I'm going with this. Just wanted to say that not all teachers are ogres out to get kids. We want what is best for them, and hope for each one to meet their full potential.

Stopping my rambling for now...

karen

 


PJPIIadoration.jpg picture by Kimberly_sahm

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2003
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 7:53pm
Hang in there.

Not all notes from school are bad. I got the same note again this year, but T's teacher called me in to say that she had met T last year and knew her limitations and also knew how smart she was. Wanted to know what it was she could do in her classroom that might help T to excell. I was never so suprised in all my life. Good days do come, just remember to savor them when they do!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 9:16am
Thanks Karen!

<< have to tell you what goes in each kids' folder at our school at the end of the year is a copy of their grades, attendance, and standardized testing. That is about it. There are no copies of discipline records and no bundles of teachers notes and observations. I don't know how it is elsewhere, but you might ask to see what is in Austin's folder and alleviate some of your worries.>>

The only reason this was a concern for me was his old teacher would have notes and notes in this folder that she kept. Every time I met with her, she'd pull it out and it was a book full of paper. She just kept this for herself? It seems like she's covering her butt. And several people have mentioned to me to check my son's file just to rebut anything in there that I don't agree with. But thanks for the heads up, I might just request it to see what's in there.

And I understand what you are saying about teachers. Believe me, I've really tried to keep an open mind but from his first kindergarten teacher who placed his desk facing the blackboard for the entire school day(I guess this was her way of disciplining him) to the last teacher he had who didn't have one good thing to say about my son and after two weeks of him being in her class told me "he needed to be tested for ADHD" , which in my opinion, was just a tad early to know my son and besides, she doesn't have MD behind her name and doesn't have the right to diagnose anyone for that matter. It was very tough year and I feel like they are just pushing me to get my son on meds. They don't want to understand him, they don't want to do any modifications, they just want him to be on meds. The one teacher last year even told me--- Well you could monitor his meds real well because you're a nurse! It's like that's their main goal. And I really resent it. So that's why I have such a sour taste in my mouth about teachers. I'm sure you're a great one though. Maybe it's the public school system. It just seems it's all about the kids meeting the standards. They are pressured so much...they can't be kids anymore. And I don't want that for my child.

Just my 2cents:)

Amy

Nurturedheartmom

Amy -

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2000
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 9:41pm
Amy, I too keep files and logs of phone calls, discipline incidents, notes, etc. You have to to cover yourself. Some parents will come and say "well I never knew there was a problem" and it helps if you have some documentation to the contrary. Believe me, I'd rather save myself the trouble on all that paperwork.

I was on the other side of the desk when I wrote a note to the evil elvira one night stating that we would not be writing our spelling words that night, since we had hours of other homework to complete (make-up work from 2 missed days of school) and that it didn't matter if he wrote the spelling words from now until October he was still going to fail the test. This spelling word crap took us an hour a night, and i think he passed 2 tests all year. Well, she clipped that note out of his homework notebook, and I wondered what on earth she was going to do with that. So much so that I had him write the damn words the next night.

One that I never did see again was when she spelled his name wrong for the 100th time, and I corrected it for the 100th time and finally added in large letters "would you at least care enough about my child to spell his name correctly?" Wish I had copied that one. Never saw it again, can you believe?

I will agree with you 100% on the standards. I have not had time to do any reading with my 7th and 8th grade students this year, because I've been spending about 90% of my time with mandated requirements on punctuation, capitalization, context clues (did a little reading there) and prefixes/suffixes/roots.

My kids go to a Catholic School, and even though they don't have to take the same stupid tests, the pressure is still there. I felt like Kindergarten was what we did in 1st grade 30 years ago. And there is also the homework issue. We did not have homework when I was in Kindergarten. Or 1st grade. We thought it was cool when we got to 2nd grade to have homework.

Sometimes I feel like I'm pushing meds on you, too. But I can hear and understand some of the aggravations you are going through (and probably Austin, too) and I know that meds helped #1 DS SO much. Even his soccer playing improved, if you can believe that. Being able to focus and concentrate on the game. I kind of felt like it was like giving him a pair of glasses. Yes, you could have a kid with vision problems sit up close to the board and read stuff outloud to him, but what finally opens up the world is pair of glasses. I think the meds kind of brought everything into focus for DS.

I like to think that I am a kind, caring, effective teacher. But if you want to see what kind of week I had, you should go look under the Friday Roundup on the 6/7 year old board. Days like today, I really doubt myself.

Karen

 


PJPIIadoration.jpg picture by Kimberly_sahm

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2003
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 1:48pm
Amy

I just wanted to encourage you to try to calm down and go to the teacher meating with an open mind. The first "lets have a meeting" note I got last year I felt like screaming. In pre-k my DD had a good year kindergarden was bad first grade was worse and 2cnd grade made us all want to pull our hair out! so that note the thrid week of third grade just seemed like a armed nuclear warhead. What a surprise when I got to school and heard the teacher start with "Rayvn is the smartest kid I have had in my class in a very long time!". Wow, she went on to say that she had noted that R was having some problems in the areas of concentration, socailization and organization. After that she aquainted me with the way her class room works and explained the steps she had allready taken to help Rayvn and told me of the results. Then she asked for my input and requested info on what we do at home that seems to help. She is the best teacher we have met and the school year last year was so much better than any before it!

Wwhile there is no way to know before you get there how things will go, there is a chance that this is the teacher who will want to realy work with you and your son and help him to do well, so try not to panic before you get there!

Wishing you the very best!!

Annie