vent -resentment, unsuccessful meds,IEP
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|Fri, 06-19-2009 - 9:25pm|
I'm tired of trying to 'figure out' my DS who is now 12. I'm tired of going further into debt driving hours to doctors that aren't covered by my insurance, for tests and/or counseling not covered by insurance. (I live in rural place without even a regular child psychiatrist, let alone a neuropsychologist) I'm tired of trying med after med, and combo of meds after combo but never seeing any positive results on my end. (Nor is my child able to tell any tangible positives - which by this age should be happening) I'm tired of hearing the people around us (family, school etc) second guess me (often in front of my kids). I'm sooo close to just giving up.
My life and my 6yr old DS are being ruled by DS 12's situation. (I say it w/out DS 12 included because on top of everything else he has such a fast 'recovery rate' that little one and I are the only two who appear to suffer any long term effects. I can't get DS 12 to care about his condition, be invested, etc at all) I still don't even know that I believe we've gotten the complete diagnosis - not that the dx even matters I guess - if I could just figure out what works (behavioral/cognitive restructuring, meds any combo thereof- I don't care as long as it works) and make it keep working for more than one instance. I hate the bogus IEP's and the bogus IEP 'process' that all end up looking cookie cutter, and dismissing my thoughts while never addressing any real workable accommodations. Heck, his last set of organizational objectives weren't even 3 part, let alone 4 part measurable/observable and they hinged on the phrase "will be self motivated to...".
I just need some support - not even necessarily fix it/fight it advice. I'm not there right now, I'm too beat down. I love my kids - really I do even though it doesn't sound like it. I'm really good at my job (btw I'm a special ed/reg. ed teacher - which I swear makes everything worse not better), I cognitively KNOW this stuff and yet I feel useless, stupid, angry, and alone. Every school year gets worse and I don't think the summer is enough to recover anymore. I've basically had to give up any free-time, friends, a fiance, etc in this process and I'm about out of anything else to give.
Please tell me that someone here has BTDT.