We are beginning the journey (long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
We are beginning the journey (long)
8
Mon, 04-26-2010 - 4:07pm

I think that we are headed for our daughter being diagnosed ADHD, she is only 3.5 years old. This is very long, I appreciate anyone willing to read it and any advice they have. TIA

A little back ground:
I am 30 my DH is 31, we have 3 daughters ages 6.5, 3.5, and 9 months. We have always known that our 3.5 year old is “different” even my pregnancy was different she kicked me so much people thought I was having twins because my stomach was always moving. She walked at 8 months, ran and started climbing our furniture at 9 months, could open child proof locks at 18 months. Our house is like Fort Knoxs , double locks and bells on every door that leads outside. Her cries have always been louder, her tantrums more intense. It took me the first 18 months to stop comparing her to my first born and wondering “what went wrong?”, “why is she so horrible?” It was about this time that I purchased the book, “Raising your Spirited Child” by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. It became my bible in understanding my DD, practically everything in it described my daughter. I found myself reading it every 3 months or so just to reassure myself and to make me feel better about the situation.

Presently:
Our DD is actually doing somewhat better in the last 4 months or so and I don’t feel like I have to constantly be “on-guard” worrying about where she is or what she is getting into. She started preschool this year and is doing alright but hasn’t made as much progress with her behavior as her teacher or I would have like to have seen by this point.

The most concerning of her behavior is she is impulsive. She hits, kicks, breaks things without thinking. I can tell she feels bad about it afterward because she says “Oh, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry” She honestly can’t control her action. She is also Defiant. This is the biggest problem at school. They will ask her to (an example) stop eating play dough several times and she will stop acknowledge them and then look them in the eye and stick it in her mouth. Hyperactive, yes she is hyperactive and always has been. She can’t sit still ever. Sometimes I feel like I am tiptoeing though a mine field when I am around her, because I don’t want to set her off. Once she starts to loose control I don’t know how to calm her/distract her. She just locks in.

I asked her teacher if she thought we needed to see a behavioralist. She thinks we do. I am starting to think we do too. I feel like my other two children are not getting the attention they deserve because everything is about my DD. I can’t take them to movies, to certain parks or fun activities because of her. It seems like our whole house is based on if she is having a “good day or bad day.”

I don’t really care if she is diagnosed or not. I just want some Help. I want to try and help her learn how to control her impulses and be able to calm her self down before she reaches a boiling point. I want to start working on it now before things really get out of hand and she is a 6 year old unable to control things and to physically large for me to carry away from the situation. I am not looking for drugs at this point but am open to diet changes and parenting suggestions. We are going to start talking to the district child psychologist they just gave us the forms BASC-2 and a sensory profile to fill out by us and her teacher.

I just wanted to explain our current situation and ask for any advise or suggestions for the road that we are starting to go down.

Thanks!

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Summer2010sig
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 8:08am

Big hugs moms.


Genetic, probably pretty much a lot.


My brother has it (dx in the 80's, my mom didn't even know what that was, no one did).


And my dad, who just passed away in October, told me that when he was 5 years old, he remembers (this would be in the 50's) being taken out of school for 'testing', like IQ testing etc. His results, while he wasn't dx with anything (because they just didn't know what we know today), were that they knew something was wrong- but they didn't know what. He was a genious is some areas and a complete flunk in others.


As an adult, he said to me that he felt he had autism when he was

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2002
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 11:47pm

This thread reminds me of how my 3 yr old is. I am here on this board for my 8 yr old however. My 8 yr old has always been a "handful" but family members are starting to say that my 3 yr old is worse.
I wonder how genetic ADHD is?

My 3 yr old (just turned 3 in February) is like 10 three yr olds wrapped in one. I also try to avoid taking him places because he doesn't have a quiet button and often screams if he doesn't get his way. When I do take him places, I put him in a shopping cart buckled down or the double stroller with my 15 mo old in the back.
When he throws a fit - he tries to hit, kick, and throw things. He's broken many plates and bowls either from fits of just because he felt like throwing it.
I can't leave him alone for 5 seconds or he'll destroy something or try to do something dangerous. Its embarassing in his little preschool class of 3-5 yr olds when he's the only 3 yr old and he will NOT sit and do a puzzle, color, or any organized activity. He'll last a few minutes and then try to run off as I chase him around the room. He kicks and tries to hit me in front of everyone too..that's always fun.

Then there is potty training and bedtime. He's not potty trained. I've tried and I KNOW he's ready because he's gone both #1 and #2 on the toilet without me even having to remind him before. However if he doesn't feel like doing it then he won't and so thus he still wears a diaper.
Bedtime is horrible with a capital H. If I don't give him a nap then he'll fall asleep anywhere he stands or sits around 4-5pm. Of course falling asleep at that time means SUPER late bedtime. So I give him a nap, in which he wont fall asleep until around 1pm. Then he wont go to bed at night until around 10pm sometimes later. One night we battled with him until 2am to go to sleep. No joke.
He's exhausting.

Perhaps I should bring this up at his 3 yr check-up. I just kept chalking it up to the terrible 3's and us not stepping up his discipline enough.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 2:58pm

Also. It was hard for me to take him places, but I did it anyways.


Try and not let it stop you from going places. My youngest son now (he's typical) stopped using a stroller (except for extremely long walks like, maybe the zoo) at 2.5 or so.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 2:48pm

Wow. I could have written that myself almost 100%.


My son is now 5.5 years old.


Add that I was 25 lbs lighter (very skinny, because all I did was chase him around OUR fort knox) while he was in his worst (10 months-3.5 years old) AND I had a child when he turned 2, not realizing, since he was my first that something was off.


Well, I actually did know something wasn't right, but figured he would outgrow etc or was a 'hard kid' etc.


When I went to see a developmental pediatrician (when he was 4), she described 'early onset ADHD'- as being 'severe ADHD'.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Tue, 04-27-2010 - 3:07pm
It is nice to know someone else has been where I am at and that it gets a bit better as the kids get older. Also thanks for your advice right now I am open to all suggestions :)
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Summer2010sig
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Tue, 04-27-2010 - 3:04pm
Thank you for the advice. I am going to look into finding a neuropsychologist in our area. I agree that her behavior may be caused by something else such as sensory disorder. I am going to fill out the forms that we were giving but will keep in mind that they may not be accurate. The BASC-2 form we were giving is specifically for preschoolers and says for ages 2-5 at the top. A friend just told me abut the feingold diet and I am going to check into it.
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Summer2010sig
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Tue, 04-27-2010 - 11:27am

Hello and Welcome,


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Mon, 04-26-2010 - 5:32pm

Hi, and welcome


She is really very young for an ADHD diagnosis, but it isn't unheard of. I would recommend seeing a Neuropsychologist, because of her age. At 4.5 there is such a wide range of "normal" that it can be VERY hard to diagnose anything, and a Neuropsych can rule out other things that can Mimic ADHD( Sensory Disorder).


The school psych can only diagnose learning disabilities, not ADHD, so at this age unless there is an LD they won't be of much help. (3.5 is too young for the BASC-2)


Diet changes worked well for us, we eliminated ALL artificial colors, flavors and all preservatives,NO Processed foods,

A child may HAVE ADHD, but it is not what they ARE. Never tell a child they ARE ADHD.