What are your personal coping techniques

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2008
What are your personal coping techniques
Thu, 09-03-2009 - 7:29am

I am up at 4:15 am with worry about our son. We got word from school yesterday that his start of 1st grade has been a disaster. Yesterday, I was greeted by the school principal at pick up and it wasn't because our son was named Student of the Month. He had pushed a child's head into a wall during recess. This is a friend of his and I suspect it was just playing taken too far, but still ... mortifying and unacceptable. He was grounded and had zero privileges yesterday. In talking to one of his teachers, I learned he's been extremely defiant in class, refusing to do work he's asked to do and losing focus. He's also running across benches at recess and defying yard duty staff who ask him to stop. The teacher described him as tense and unhappy.

I have a call in to the doctor's office about the situation and expect we'll not just need an ADHD med change but need to start an anti-depressant again (had taken one before for OCD but once the OCD symptoms subsided, we stopped it since it's a serious med). He's just always been an unhappy, glass-half-empty child, and I guess we just got used to it and hearing it from a teacher is deflating.

I'm feeling wiped out mentally trying to figure out how to fix our son ... what new rewards and punishment system we can try. Things have always been difficult with him at home because we're dealing with him mostly when the medication hasn't kicked in or is wearing off. Pretty much like trying to tame a wild animal, with him running across furniture, refusing to do what he's told, etc. It's pretty hard to implement any system with him when he just can't control himself and we have to chase him and try to catch him to address a bad behavior and then he is just spacey.

How do you cope as parents? How do you keep yourself sane through these challenges? Our son is just sucking the life out of our house. If we didn't have a daughter who is totally normal, we'd feel like complete and total failures as parents.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Thu, 09-03-2009 - 8:59am


I get it, really I do.

I cope by making time for myself. DH works long hours, and I am essentially a single parent at times.

A child may HAVE ADHD, but it is not what they ARE. Never tell a child they ARE ADHD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Thu, 09-03-2009 - 8:15pm

You bring back so many memories - didn't have any problems in school - but at home I just wanted to kill myself to get me out of the misery - LOL Homework was a battle where I would scream and then cry - then he would melt down - it was pure hell - You need an escape - for me it was TV - I could just zone out - the minute he went to bed it was like I could breathe - I can't tell you how many times I just gave up - "do your homework - or don't do" - I just couldn't take it - it pulled me in every direction possible - he would not work his 504 plan and because of no LD's I couldn't get an IEP - but by that time - high school - he wouldn't have gone to school if he had to go to a special class - he barely, I mean barely grad HS - life for him turned around in college (community at first) He was on every single med that was on the market at that time for ADHD - they all worked and then stopped.