where to start?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2011
where to start?
9
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 10:21am
I am new here and my H and I have been struggling with my 8yr old DD. We are thinking she may have adhd or add. I'm not really sure as to the differences are. I haven't researched it very much. She has ALWAYS been a little difficult. She fidgets, has problems with hitting, pushing kids at school. Has received a few citations this year, she is very talkative and distracts her classmates. She has problems with peeing her pants (everyday) and the smell is gross! My H grounds her and it has now come down to having her sit on the kitchen floor where she can be seen because she has been known to steal from us and her siblings and she constantly moves. Can't sit still for very long and my H expects her to sit all day long w/out any kind of messing around and can't talk to anyone! I think its just ridiculous to have an 8yr old sit in one spot all day and not be bored. The more she messes around, the longer (days) she gets added. I am very overwelmed with my DD and H. Is he being to hard on my DD? He is her step dad and I think hes a big u know what for treating my daughter so rudely! Is there anything WE can do? Do I just need to take her to the Doctors and see what they say? I think that's where I need to start so my H will chill out with her (I hope)! Any advise I am willing to hear. I am desperate! TIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 1:00pm

Hello and welcome.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2008
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 2:52pm
I agree. Ask your pediatrician for a referral to a specialist like a child psychiatrist who can determine if these behaviors are out of her control. No eight-year-old WANTS to behave like this and be in trouble all the time. Chances are, there is something going on and a specialist can pinpoint it.

And while your husband may be harsh, cut him a little slack. I know I made my own share of mistakes as a parent before we knew our son's issues were out of his control. It can be very draining dealing with a special needs child and it's hard to know all the time the right way to deal with the problems.

Best of luck to you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2008
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 3:19pm

Hi, and welcome!

As the PP said,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2011
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 3:26pm
Thank you for your replies. I made an appt for her. Not til the end of next wk and then they have to refer her out. Going to take a little time. Something I'm having a hard time dealing with. Been going through this too long and I thought she would grow out of it, but I think there's more to it than that. Is there anything I can do while we are waiting because like someone said she shouldn't be punished for something out of her control? Idk what to do!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2008
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 3:37pm

No, she really cannot be punished for something that is beyond her control, BUT, normal

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2008
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 5:25pm
A temporary fix we used during our long wait for the specialist was giving our son caffeinated soda when we really needed good behavior. Caffeine is a stimulant, so it worked on a smaller scale than medication, but enough to take the "edge" off. We only did this sparingly, though, since caffeine is addictive (and the medication is not).

Also, consider a rewards jar with marbles. Good behavior, throw in a bunch of marble, bad behavior, out some go. Be sure to provide rewards right away. Small inch up on those marbles (say 1/2 day), reward. It might be video game time, TV time, out for ice cream, whatever is motivating. If you wait too long, they'll forget about the rewards, so do them frequently. Just keep in mind, if you're dealing with ADHD, your child doesn't have much control over her behavior, so the reward jar can only do so much (although can help a little).

Also, let the school know you're getting in with a specialist. I've found teachers are a whole lot more supportive if they know you're doing something on your end. It's also helpful to give the heads-up, since they will likely have some paperwork to fill out in the future.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2011
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 6:35pm
Sorry for asking, but how did u do the chart? I'm a working mom and my H is at home with the kids from the time they get out of school til they go to bed, so I need help so I can help him. He's really struggling with her and I feel all the weight is on my shoulders!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2008
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 7:47pm
I made a chart with behaviors/rewards, and chores/rewards. Taking out the trash was 5 marbles, washing the dog was 10, etc. Undesirable behaviors , for example talking back was -10 marbles. At the end of each day we got something out of the "treasure box", filled with stickers, small toys, keychains, chapsticks etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2011
Tue, 03-29-2011 - 10:18am
Thank you. Maybe ill give that a try. I appreciate your help!