X-Post - College DD Sent Porn Pics

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2009
X-Post - College DD Sent Porn Pics
4
Thu, 07-30-2009 - 11:12am

Dear Ones,

I'm new here and have to start with a bang, sadly.

DD just finished her first year in college. Some background:

DH and I have been married for 25 years, we're stable in all ways and each other's rocks.

Since she was little, DD has suffered with an ADD/I - anxiety cycle. Meds have helped a great deal. Her ADD is so severe that she cannot function w/out meds: becomes impulsive, chaotically disorganized, frantic, and tanks in every way w/out them (emotionally, socially, academically).

DD is at her core compassionate, kind, was the go-to person in her HS circle for advice and solace over the usual HS dramas. She is adamently anti-substance use and while we never worried about that, we did worry about her impulse control overall once she went to college.

She's had 2 "serious" BFs, by that I mean long-term, monogamous relationships. Both boys loved, respected and adored dd and she did the breaking up. She broke these boys' hearts.

Off to college last fall where she and a few other students decided they "didn't need their meds." The cascade of crises was bad and we worked on this throughout the year. She agreed to see a therapist and to allow tx to speak to me. Muddled through.

Came home and we learned that she had dropped several classes after deadline and received Fs. She did not utilize learning services enough. She lost one roommate bk. roommate was having sex while my dd was trying to sleep and dd spoke out and finally got her out of there. Next roommate left because my dd, off meds, was a complete
pig: not cleaning, laundry and very, very rare showers.

We started to learn that our daughter was hanging around w/ stoner guys (she has GFs but was teased so mercilessly by girls in middle school that she's hyper aware of "mean girls" and her best friends include several guys).

Fast forward to her arrival home in May. She traveled down to DC to visit a guy we know and w/ whom she has been strictly friends. Boy's parents promised Emma a room of her own, that was breached the minute she arrived and she and this boy had unsafe sex (she had unsafe sex at college, too and is, fortunately, totally healthy).

Because we live by "safety trumps privacy" in our house I recently read my dd's e-mail as I was getting a bad vibe about DC boy she had visited. I noticed that my dd has sent large files to an e-mail address I didn't know. My daughter sent the most outrageously pornographic photos of herself to someone who is "just a friend" at college. I FREAKED. I looked up the guy on Facebook: complete and total skank. I confronted her and asked her WHY she did this - and she said "because he asked me to." !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Same daughter whose favorite shows were Judge Judy, Law and Order, and Dr. Drew.

DD is working two jobs, and says working gives he so much confidence and a sense of ability. She wants to take a year off and we are in support of that (DUH). She's profoundly upset by what she did but STILL doesn't really get how these photos could ruin her life and, even worse doesn't seem to get that what she did was WRONG. Not just stupid/inappropriate, but wrong.

She's 20 and now we are back to 12 year old levels of having no clue
about how to "be" this summer and during the coming year re: rules and regs. She's essentially on house arrest. 1-1 and family therapy begins next week.

DH and I have spent all of her life advocating for her special needs, sending her to amazing summer programs to shore up her strengths, procuring a placement at a private HS tailored to her learning style. We are emotionally and financially wrung out and just wanted some peace and, I guess, some sense that all we had done was worth it.

Please help. I am,

Heartbroken

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 8:30pm
I am so sorry - there is someone here (Sabrooth) - "Sam where are you" that I think can help you.

Denise

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 8:36pm
I found a post from her - she will come - just sit tight.

Denise

Denise

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Sat, 08-01-2009 - 3:36pm
I replied on the Parents of College Kids board. I don't think she was real happy w/what I said.
BTW, how's Ashton doing?? And how are you holding up in this economy? Illinois sure has had it's share of trouble, but Ca's budget woes seem a little worse. Do you have confidence in Ahnold?
By us, Lolo miscarried-don't know if I told you that. Her job is very stressful, so they are waiting a while before they try again. SIL finally landed a good job with a good future--ONE DAY after he signed up for reserves! But the job says they are understanding, and his direct boss is ex-navy, too. Rae's car blew it's engine on Easter, just 6 mos after she'd finally paid it off!!! Instead of $3K to fix it, she bought an HHR. Some guy had it new before her, for only 2 mos -- and keeled over in it w/a heart attack. She got it cheap. She was retained at her school, and has tenure w/the district, but she's starting to put out feelers. Her school failed to make adequate yearly progress AGAIN, so it's only a matter of time before it's turned into a charter, which pays half what CPS does. She also had a second summer in a row w/female surgery, and she taught summer school, so plans to begin her masters went kaput. Cross finger for next summer. Dh & I are plugging along--I'm TRYING to walk off all the weight I accumulated during the 9mos my ankle was on the fritz.
XOXO, SAM
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Sat, 08-01-2009 - 4:06pm

Oh - so sorry about Lola - heck didn't she just grad high school? - LOL


Ashton is doing okay - still struggling without meds - I'm hoping this other neuro specialist can at least give him the okay to go back on Strattera - and with many MRI's and so many other tests - we now have an "idea" about his drooping eye and double vision - 2 specialists have confirmed that the stims just messed him up and totally acclerated this problem (both said this problem could have been avoided when he was about 40)

Denise