2+ ASD kids: how do you not go bonkers?
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| Sat, 02-25-2006 - 5:57pm |
I hope I can manage to make this post a bit more organized than the other parts of my life (my thoughts, my home, my parenting.) Both of my kids have been having issues that need to be addressed, and I'm having trouble dealing with any of it.
First of all, Nathan, 4, has an appointment with our Dev. Ped. on Tuesday. Actually, *I* have the appt, to discuss him. I don't think he's on the spectrum, but I *do* think he has SID and anxiety. I want to get him evaluated so that I can write a letter to the school district and tell them that I think he'll need some supports when he enters kindergarten. This will be the first appt, although this doctor is David's Dev. Ped. She sent us a couple of questionnaires to fill out, and I've been trying to work on that. As you can imagine, I make a lot of footnotes on these kinds of things!
On top of that, David has been having issues at school, and nobody really seems to understand Asperger's or David. I've been reluctant to point the teacher towards any particular book or website, because it's really hard to find "David" in any of those descriptions, and I worry that the teacher will come away with the conclusion that David doesn't really have AS.
A few days ago, I finally found a book that really *is* helpful, and describes different ways that AS kids deal with anxiety (being disruptive and overly silly is included, hurray!) The book is called, "Parenting Your Asperger Child: Individualized Solutions for Teaching Your Child Practical Skills" by Sohn and Grayson. There is so much in there that I want to underline for the teacher and say, "This will be useful for understanding David and AS." However, even doing that takes a certain amount of being able to think clearly, in order to convey the information in a useful way. The book describes different subtypes of Asperger kids. For instance, David isn't a "rule boy", but he is a "fantasy boy", and each type has different needs. The book has helped me realize and reaffirm that we aren't doing him any favors by letting him stay in his comfort zone, playing with his Legos 24/7.
So, I've been trying to organize my thoughts and plans for David. I just spent half an hour trying to write a social story for him about going to the store to look for new bookshelves (MAJOR problem a few weeks ago, had to leave store in shame.) I attempted a social story a long time ago, and David ripped it up, but he has matured a lot since then, so I'd like to try it. It's SO much work, though!! I'm ALSO trying to work on the Nathan questionnaire. I can't seem to complete a thought about any of this stuff, though. One problem is that it's hard to focus on one kid's issues without thinking of the other kid's issues and getting distracted. Also, every ten seconds, someone needs a glass of Ovaltine, spills a glass of Ovaltine, loses the Lego they just put down, needs to tell me his favorite knock knock joke again, or runs into a wall and hurts himself. I came upstairs to my room, and somehow the kids got louder, and suddenly had to play boisterously on the stairs.
DH is AWESOME, though. He just brought me a tray filled with 2 cookies (not 3, because he knows I'm trying to lose weight), 2 Advil, a small glass of water, and a large glass of Diet Coke.) He also brought me news that my father just called and announced that he is bringing his new girlfriend (my dad? with a girlfriend??) over to visit tomorrow. Gosh, maybe THAT would be a good topic for a social story! We almost never have visitors, especially "new" people. Ugh, and our vacuum cleaner broke about 6 weeks ago!
Anyway, it's just all too much (even aside from the visitor). It's all I can do to clear off a spot on the table, so I can sit down and jot down some notes or something, let alone organize therapies for my kids. I can actually *feel* the neural pathways in my brain fusing together into a useless clump as I try to think.
How do people deal with this stuff?
Evelyn
David, 8, AS
Nathan, 4, ??

I have THAT BOOK!!
I couldn't remember the name of it...but when you were describing the book and talking about "subtypes"....a little lightbulb went off!!! I found the book very interesting too!!
Sorry you're having such a hectic time right now. Nathan's been having some mini meltdowns lately. He spilled juice the other day...and just lost it!! Took forever to calm him down. Then, on Friday, I was putting the kids in the car to go to school....he just starting crying!!! Tyler had to sit there patiently waiting for me to calm his brother down, so we could get to school. We've had a few others too. Like the fact that he's always hurting himself and screaming at the top of his lungs!!! He even threw a bowl in the garbage today....instead of putting it into the sink!!! And if I hear him say, " I QUIT, I'M OUTTA HERE!!!"......one more time!!!!!!!! Ok....I'll stop!
michelle
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Who says I am not bonkers?
There is a magic unwritten rule. ONly one child is allowed to be in crisis at a time. If they go beyond that they are breaking Mom's GOLDEN rule!!!!!
But truly, organization and prioritization is what saves me. What is most important for me to deal with today. What can wait. I also have an indepth organization system. I am one of the most organized people I know, which is saying alot since I also readily admit I have adult ADHD. But to keep up with these 4 and all the other stuff in life I have to be organized or everything falls apart. It is my coping mechanism.
Lots of overlap of stuff at home. What I use for one often works for the other. Though I am finding recently I need to individualize more. Like I have to get on that token system for Mike.
I have learned to be ok with letting things go. Some stuff just isn't really crucial or important. I was always worried if everyone thought I was a good parent. Had to have the kids finish every bit of thier school work. I had to send in the cakes and cookies for birthdays and all that other perfect mom stuff. I am so laid compared to what I used to be. I have learned to just shrug it off and say, oh well. Didn't get to it today. Try again tomorrow.
My therapist is my sanity. She helps me organize my brain and blow off steam.
Finding myself again and realizing that autism wasn't all there was to me.
Bunco once a month, and some friends.
And just being bonkers! I am allowed to be a little bonkers!
Renee
Teresa
(((HUGS)))
I have no idea how people get through this... I felt like I had a handle on things when it was just Sylvia I was worried about, but now that we have concerns about Sebastian too, I do feel like I've been pushed over the edge. I guess the way to get through it is... just to get through it. Each day I'm happy to see that I've made it through another day, and the kids are doing okay, and I'm still breathing, you know? Each day that we make it is another day that shows us we *can* make it. We do it because we have no other choice, right?
Remember we're all right there with you!!! And do remember to take care of yourself -- cookies and Advil sounds about right to me!!! :-)
Jennifer