2yo beating up 7yo

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
2yo beating up 7yo
3
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 8:39pm

My 7yo ds is NLD/PDD, 2yo dd is NT (as far as we know). DS can get pushed and pushed but then he'll fight back with siblings and neighbor boy (which we don't approve of as the method of solution, but it demonstrates that he knows how), but he just seems helpless when it comes to 2yo sister. DD regularly attacks DS, and DS just doesn't seem to know how to defend himself. 2yo pulls hair, hits, and pushes until 7yo falls down. I'm sure part of it is 'cus DS realizes he usually loses control when he's mad and attacks the aggressor, and he knows that wouldn't work with 2yo, but I don't know how to help him help himself. DS will just lie helplessly on the ground, sometimes crying "heeeeelllp!" until we pull off his little sister who's a fraction of his size. I'm working on curtailing DD aggression, but how do I teach DS to be more assertive without being aggressive?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: hwife
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 10:01pm

I would do a social story with him and teach him to do exactly what you do. A firm and neutral "No" and as gently but firmly as possible remove her from himself. Teach him step by step what the appropriate reaction would be.

Then also be ready to remind him each time for a long time what he needs to do. It takes lots and lots of repition to teach a skill with our kids.

So go over in advance what he is to do if she tries to hurt him ("Say no! and move away and take her hands off you. Then go talk to mom if she wont stop) Then when it happens instead of pulling her off him remind him what to do and let him do it. Then he learns how to protect himself and she learns that he isn't to be her favorite target.

Now one can hope it would help. I am not feeling to positive tonight based on the interaction I just had with my sons.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
In reply to: hwife
Sat, 04-01-2006 - 8:49am

Yes, it makes sense that he doesn't know what to do. She is his little sister and he is afraid of hurting her, also she is small (and probably very tough, bring 2 and all, lol) And when attacked, the size of our kids' reactions "fight or flight" is huge, so he must be having alot of huge conflicting emotions when she does that ... and shuts down.

Renee is right, you are going to have to teach him and repeat, repeat, repeat what to do so he can start to learn. He will probably not figure this one out on his own somehow. And the 2 year old needs to learn not to do that to him as well, so lucky you! You've got 2 of them to teach. And the 2 year old just may get it sooner...

Good luck, let us know how it goes!

yours,

Sara
ilovemalcolm

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
In reply to: hwife
Sun, 04-02-2006 - 7:21pm

You received some good advice and I don't have too much to add.

The best method to teach him is tricky, but the safest: Teach him how to gently make "bracelets" on her wrists with his own hands, using his fingers and thumb, then to gently remove her hands from him, firmly say "No", then place her hands at her sides and say "Hands down"

Once she figures out big brother won't be bullied, she will probably shift her attention to the cat, and then you can post all over again on the Pets board (just kidding! ;) )

The "bracelet" restraint is a good one if done right. It should be loose enough not to squeeze and to allow movement, but not so loose that she can slip her hand through. If you use the Aikido trick of relaxing your hand totally in the correct position, once found, your hand will lock, making the "bracelet" very difficult to break, and yet not tire so quickly.

-Paula

-Paula

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