6-yr-old AS says he wants to die

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
6-yr-old AS says he wants to die
16
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 3:49pm

I've been here off an on the past couple of years. My 6-yr-old DS is in 1st grade now. He made it through K with a few problems but nothing major and he made progress. This year though he says he hates school and would rather die than going. I've already talked to his teacher several times. We email almost every day. She

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2004
Sat, 09-29-2007 - 10:22pm

Dear Jackie,


Welcome. I have two asperger's dx guys, one in the first grade and one who's three.


I would push, push, push for the IEP and any evaluations that may be relevant that have not been done. The teacher might not want an IEP for whatever reason, such as that it might mean that she is supposed to move out of her comfort zone of how she teaches. But on the otherhand, the IEP may just mean that she gets more support working with your son. I would try to emphasize that angle with her. She is semi-venting to you, and she shouldn't have to go through all that alone. (It is also possible that she is coached to sway parents away from IEP's.)


Charts and rewards and prizes have never had as much of an effect on my children as many of my friend's children. When I use charts and stickers, it is more to organize than bribe. Such as writing a list of things to do, and crossing them out for my 1st grader. I use a picture chart with chips velcroed to construction paper for my three year old to show him an upcoming sequence of events.


There are some teachers on the board to bounce off how things might sound to teachers, but you are your son's advocate before you are his teachers advocate. You, your son and this teacher may work this all out, but if it turns out that this teacher is a really bad match for your son, you really may as well find that out now, not in March.


As for evaluations, you do not have to wait for them to have any additional school evaluations and a new IEP meeting. A medical diagnosis does help secure services. My kids got theirs from a neurologist, but there are a few other avenues. But I would have that IEP meeting even if the doctors appointment is still in the future. If the doctors eval brings another need or a different need to light, the IEP team can always meet again.


Hope to "see" you around here some more,


Sidney

APOV on Autism
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-29-2007 - 10:49pm

I am really short on time so I didn't read all the replies and I apologize if I am repeating what others said but something in this post really got my teacher ears up.

She hasn't "Had" to use any of his accomodations yet and yet he is in every day at recess because he can't complete his work?

Just what signs would she like him to show that he DOES need those accomodations? Does he need to attack someone, meltdown in school? He is showing throug his not completing the work that HE DOES need the accomodations. I am SURE he is capable of doing the work WHEN he has the accomodations and supports that are neccessary because of his disabilitiy. I hate when teachers assume that students are just willfully not doing work.

If she hasn't tried the accommodations then there is no way of knowing if they are the appropriate ones or not but they definitely need to implement something for him before he totally falls apart.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-1998
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 12:07pm

I'll second what Renee said and also encourage to listen to your son very seriously when he says he wants to die.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 5:53pm

Elizabeth,


Thank you for sharing that story. I don't think I knew that about Chris, although I have "known" you guys for a long time.

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2007
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 9:36pm

I'd like to second Rocket's suggestion to get the school psychologist and any outside psychologist you have involved. I'm a psychologist in private practice, working with a lot of AS/PDD kids. I always talk regularly with the classroom teachers, guiding them in setting up contingencies and behavior mgmt plans that work for the kids. I listen to their concerns about what will and won't work, and do a lot of re-educating (or educating) them about spectrum disorders. It usually works really well--better than when a parent tries to do it for herself. There's a whole collaborative thing that goes on and makes them less defensive than with even the most politically adept parent. Plus, I can be the voice of authority.

If you've only used the school psychologist, get her/him involved. It's their job to work with classroom teachers on handling kids.

Also, I agree with several people who have said that rewards work better than punishments. If his teacher could "catch" him focusing on his work for even 10 seconds, and praise him for it, I bet he'd be glowing.

Good luck!

Beth www.bethkingphd.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 11:15am

Hi and welcome to the board. We also had problems in a previous year with a staff that didn't get DS, even though THEY were trained special ed teachers!!! And the school psych was the biggest part of the problems, as she was being called in when DS started to have meltdowns and THEN things got really bad! Our DS is older (10,mild PDD-NOS) and he started fighting back, consequences be damned. So THEN the school wanted us to place him in a program for emotionally disturbed children!! NOT.

Now after a year of homeschooling and continuing his constant work with his own psychotherapist of many years, plus continuing several social skills groups and summer camp .. well, he is doing great! But we are still very very wary of school. Our best information has actually always come from our DS himself. And we have enough of our own support team who really know DS, which for us has been very helpful when up against school personnel who THINK they know, but...

You are already getting such good advice here. One of the thing that now helps here has been to get our DS' opinion on consequences, and the reward system really does work best. But truly inappropriate actions also cannot be rewarded, so we also take action. But often when we ask DH what his consequence should be, he comes up with great ideas! And we are including him on the team, with the intention of having him take over eventually, in charge of himself and understanding behavior, how it affects others, and what he can do to cope and solve problems under duress and when confused! As our kids age, they do learn. And our DS knows he can learn, which now helps him when he gets too upset. We can point out the progress, what he used to do when he was younger and now how he can master skills and responses. He is no longer in despair, which was such a hard place to have your child in.

Stay in touch, let us know how things are going. This is a safe place, where I personally have been helped so much by the support and wisdom of other moms who have gone before.

yours,

Sara

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