? about Fitting in

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
? about Fitting in
2
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 1:04pm

I was thinking after I read Sara's post about Malcolm. (thanks Sara!)

When Nathan isn't good at something...he doesn't want anything to do with it. His frustration, anxiety, anger, etc, prevents him from continuing on. He'd much rather do something he's good at and comfortable with.

Do any of you deal with the same issues that Sara deals with? Where their child wants to "fit in" with their peers, and try so hard to accomplish things that are difficult for them?

Nathan will do this with smaller things...like board games, schoolwork, puzzles, legos, etc. He gets upset, but won't stop until he's done.

Or is this something that Nathan will do as he gets older? Will he work hard at trying to fit in? It doesn't seem to be a concern of his right now. I mean, I know we all want to "fit in"....but will his obsessiveness and routines mean more to him, that he won't give them up just to be like everyone else?

Does this make any sense? I was just thinking about this, and it made me wonder....

michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 5:26pm

I think it varies.

When Cait was little she didn't want to do something unless she was good at it too. She also didn't particularly care about fitting in. She now cares more about fitting in but won't try something new or something she isn't good at. She waits and waits and then suddenly it is mastered, lol. For instance she goes to youth group. This is the first time she has been successful at a social thing like this and she loves it. However, often they have activities that Cait isn't good at or are new. She would rather stand by the sideline then try to participate with the other kids. Fortunately she isn't the only quirky kid there who rather not participate. There are 2 other boys who tend to stay by the sideline. But it is noticable because the leaders and other parents have mentioned it to me. They also don't know Cait's dx (her decision). So I just go with the "Cait is her own person. Independent minded and that isn't her thing" Something like that. It works well enough.

Mike is completely different then both of the situations you mentioned. On the one hand in many ways Mike thinks he does fit in and that he can do anything. He thinks he can do everything and should be able to do it automatically then is REALLY angry when he realizes he isn't or that he may have to work on something or practive. Mike doesn't realize he is different. He knows he has AS but at the most he may say that it makes him very smart. He does not realize he has any challenges. Any problems that come up from his challenges he either doesn't realize or it is someone elses fault. He has no concept of how other perceive him so to him he automatically fits in.

This actually has alot to do with something completely different I was going to post about elsewhere.

Renee

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Registered: 08-26-2005
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 9:21pm
Michelle,
I often wonder about this with Jake. Right now he has very few playdates and really only plays with his cousin. He usually trys hard to play whatever she decides they are going to do but if it involves a motor task he's usually very resistant.If he trys something once and is not sucessful he usually won't try it again without a lot of encouragment from me. I noticed that he does much better with kids who tell him what to do which makes me think he will try very hard to fit in. I guess we will have to wait and see!
Teresa