I think that's great that your husband wants to get evaluated. I don't really have any answers to the questions that you posted, but I just wanted to let you know that your comment about your MIL made me laugh! Good one! Best wishes!~ Sonya
Tina, My DH has been seeing a therapist for a while now and recently brought up the the AS issue with him. Unfortunatly, the theapist thinks AS is "the diagnosis of the month."He just dismissed the idea that my DH may be on the spectrum.I just hope your husband finds someone who knows what they are talking about! Teresa
have your DH talk to his Dr. The Dr should be able to guide him. I spoke to my neurologist about my eval. and she recommended a person to evaluate me (for ADD). Then if I need meds, she will consult with the psych and prescribe them. I know not everyone has a neurologist. I suffer with migraine, so I do...
My therapist (also my kids and specializes in ASD's, even ASD's with adults) believes my DH may be AS as well as depressed. My DH doesn't think so at all (LOL) but that is ok. My therapist has given me loads of tips for how to live with him and make things better. I was the poster enabler mom and let him get away with lots of autistic behavior for a long time and made my life a living h-e-double hockey sticks basically like having 5 kids. I have to face it, I have 4 pretty darn tough kids. And often I didn't think he could handle it. He would meet my requests with silence or walk away because new things were scary so I never asked. He never took the kids by himself. I never went out anywhere. He never picked them up from school, etc. He did help with some dishes and laundry (his own) but mostly it was all me. Even the majority of the yard work.
Though he doesn't need a diagnosis, going to someone to help me learn how to deal with his quirks has definitely been EXTREMELY helpful. I have learned I need to give him time to process requests. I have learned to be his mirror and explain to him what his behavior means to me. That he doesn't realize when he has upset me. For instance, he can be very critical. Not in a mean way, but in an aspie over honest way. I will ask if he likes dinner and he will point out the flaws or how it could be better. I had to explain to him how that felt. That I just would like to hear sometimes that it is good. Not the honesty of how to make it better. That sometimes things have to be good enough.
You should bop over to our ezine and check out the forum and talk to candes. Her DH was diagnosed officially years ago. They have done basically adult ABA with him and lots of things to help him and her relationship and she has loads of tips.
In fact (shhhhh) she is writing an article about living with AS hubbies for our next issue.
Your right, there isn't alot of services available. But if you think that perhaps there is some AS going on in one of the spouses you should definitely look into perhaps cognitive therapy or some sort of therapy with a therapist who specializes in ASDs. Having kids with ASD's is tough enough. Having a partner like this who is supposed to be your partner and helper can be very trying even if you don't realize it now.
I used to joke about his aspie traits. Finally we nearly separated a couple months ago. My therapist then noticed some trends in our relationship and pointed to possible AS. She helped me recognize how much it had affected our marriage and life. Particularly the difficulty with communication.
Though my DH still does not think he is AS, perhaps it is something else. Alot of the stuff we dealt with is very AS like and in the family it was a definite strain. I am only revealling all this so that if you do believe your spouse is on the spectrum that you will get some help now to help you have a better and strong marriage. Have children with special needs is tough on marriages anyway. At least for yourselves get some support.
Best wishes!~
Sonya
It's funny, we had a 4-hour appointment with the developmental ped last month when my DD was Dx'ed.
My DH has been seeing a therapist for a while now and recently brought up the the AS issue with him. Unfortunatly, the theapist thinks AS is "the diagnosis of the month."He just dismissed the idea that my DH may be on the spectrum.I just hope your husband finds someone who knows what they are talking about!
Teresa
Tina,
have your DH talk to his Dr. The Dr should be able to guide him. I spoke to my neurologist about my eval. and she recommended a person to evaluate me (for ADD). Then if I need meds, she will consult with the psych and prescribe them. I know not everyone has a neurologist. I suffer with migraine, so I do...
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
My son's Ped. Neuro. recommended a book called 'The Shadow Syndromes.'
My therapist (also my kids and specializes in ASD's, even ASD's with adults) believes my DH may be AS as well as depressed. My DH doesn't think so at all (LOL) but that is ok. My therapist has given me loads of tips for how to live with him and make things better. I was the poster enabler mom and let him get away with lots of autistic behavior for a long time and made my life a living h-e-double hockey sticks basically like having 5 kids. I have to face it, I have 4 pretty darn tough kids. And often I didn't think he could handle it. He would meet my requests with silence or walk away because new things were scary so I never asked. He never took the kids by himself. I never went out anywhere. He never picked them up from school, etc. He did help with some dishes and laundry (his own) but mostly it was all me. Even the majority of the yard work.
Though he doesn't need a diagnosis, going to someone to help me learn how to deal with his quirks has definitely been EXTREMELY helpful. I have learned I need to give him time to process requests. I have learned to be his mirror and explain to him what his behavior means to me. That he doesn't realize when he has upset me. For instance, he can be very critical. Not in a mean way, but in an aspie over honest way. I will ask if he likes dinner and he will point out the flaws or how it could be better. I had to explain to him how that felt. That I just would like to hear sometimes that it is good. Not the honesty of how to make it better. That sometimes things have to be good enough.
You should bop over to our ezine and check out the forum and talk to candes. Her DH was diagnosed officially years ago. They have done basically adult ABA with him and lots of things to help him and her relationship and she has loads of tips.
In fact (shhhhh) she is writing an article about living with AS hubbies for our next issue.
Your right, there isn't alot of services available. But if you think that perhaps there is some AS going on in one of the spouses you should definitely look into perhaps cognitive therapy or some sort of therapy with a therapist who specializes in ASDs. Having kids with ASD's is tough enough. Having a partner like this who is supposed to be your partner and helper can be very trying even if you don't realize it now.
I used to joke about his aspie traits. Finally we nearly separated a couple months ago. My therapist then noticed some trends in our relationship and pointed to possible AS. She helped me recognize how much it had affected our marriage and life. Particularly the difficulty with communication.
Though my DH still does not think he is AS, perhaps it is something else. Alot of the stuff we dealt with is very AS like and in the family it was a definite strain. I am only revealling all this so that if you do believe your spouse is on the spectrum that you will get some help now to help you have a better and strong marriage. Have children with special needs is tough on marriages anyway. At least for yourselves get some support.
Renee