After school care problems

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
After school care problems
2
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 11:31pm

DD has been kicked out of Extended School Day (After school program run by school district) for aggressive behavior. She had huge problems with this at the beginning of the year & then it seemed to get better - she was learning that the teachers would help her at this school (they didn't at all at her last school). Now it seems that she has completely reverted back to the old behavior. Yesterday she ripped up game instructions & dumped the game that other kids were playing just because she wouldn't get her way. Today she attacked and slapped a girl for walking thru the creation that she was making in the woodchips on the playground. Apparently several kids had done this to her & she was just fed up with it & took it out on this one kid. I've tried & tried to get the staff to understand her needs & realize that by 3pm she is tired, she has had to negotiate all the social stuff all day & she just gives up. She wants to be left alone most of the time, but then tries to make friends & it ends up as a disaster.

I took her several weeks ago to a psych - after one visit, she threw medicine at it, but would not diagnose - neither of the meds were appropriate, let alone worked - they actually both made her worse. After slightly less than 4 weeks on prozac she was failing all her classes, beligerent to everyone & was in the principals office daily - if not multiple times daily. It was awful. I refused anymore appointments with this psych. I continue (as I have for nearly a year) to take her to weekly social skills/play therapy with an LSSP, she is ok with not going to psych, it is a choice & she will support whatever I decide. The school provides (thru 504 plan) speech therapy for a diagnosed receptive language problem (weekly), counseling with a psychiatrist that deals only in special ed kids at school (once or twice a month), she has content mastery time because she is slower to complete work - what I have seen leads me to believe that she is slower because she has a different idea of what *complete* is than most her age.

I've known, from a lot of different sources that she falls into the PDD-NOS/Aspbergers category - her LSSP agrees, although she is mild on the spectrum, that she most definately has behavior that shows significant problems in social skills, perserverence, repetative behavior/gestures & a marked inability to relate to peers. AS/PDD - it fits always has.

That said - and it was long, I know - none of it matters at all to the program she is in. Now I'm left with how to find, and pay for a daycare for a special needs kiddo that has now been booted from yet another daycare. I'm a single parent, the budget is very tight now & even if I sent her to a sucky daycare it would be double what this program is. I'm terrified to try to put her in an in-home care because I don't know what they would do to her when she gets out of control, plus she has food allergies that make it even harder to find anyone who will limit her intake to only food that I provide (which for me is an additional cost to daycare if I have to provide food) or read every lable of every food prior to letting her have any. There is no way I feel like she could come home & stay for the 3.5 hours until I could get home - she would end up getting hungry & burning the house down, or something equally dangerous.

I give up - I'm frustrated & I just don't see any options out there that I can use to fix this problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 12:29am

(((hugs))) and boy do I understand your frustrations. Fortunately I don't have to make that decision. I just started back to work but had to take a job way below my qualifications so I had enough flexibility to not work when he was out of school and to be able to leave if the school called me due to behavior. However, I am looking into the problem for this summer as I am working a couple weeks then.

First, do you have any Boys and Girls clubs in your area? I know around here a few actually have inclusion programs for kids with disabilities and they are more understanding. It is also VERY inexpensive. In fact it is typically a yearly membership of $50 or less and afterschool care is free. Sometimes they even transport from the school. If not you may be able to have her bussed there. If not currently, have her put on an IEP (sounds like she could qualify) and then bus per the IEP to something like boys and girls club.

The other option if not Boys and Girls is the YMCA which also usually is welcoming to children with differences, but more costly than boys and girls club.

Last, what state are you? You may want to look into something like respite care if you qualify in your state. We have options here for my son of in home or out of home respite at a specialized respite place. One I liked has both disabled and non-disabled kids attending soit is very integrated and my respite funds would pay for it.

I haven't done it because, well, my sons behavior can be extreme and his anxiety is extreme. Going somewhere new causes his anxiety and behavior to go through the roof so while I have the option I won't do it.

This summer I am actually working at a camp program for SN kids so I will pay for him to go to the camp I am working at so he won't have to get used to new people. The other kids will be going to boys and girls club (which does charge a small amount for full days.)

Good luck.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 1:06pm
I'm in Texas (North Dallas) - Boys & Girls club & YMCA are not reputed to be very good in the DFW area, but I will check them out - I'm in a different area then I was & it may be ok there. Thanks