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| Tue, 07-26-2005 - 10:31am |
Up until Jake went to preschool I thought he was the smartest most wellajusted of all my children (possibly the most spoiled as well). He is 4years6monts. Jake could talk in full sentences by the time he was 18months, walked around 11 months.
He loves legos, puzzles, all his toys, riding his bike, swimming (his new thing is jumping off the deck), playing on the swing, board games like candy land and chutes and ladders.
He loves to go to the library,park, childrens museum and the aquarium. While we are at these places I am always the one playing with him as I am a stay at home mom. He does at times ask kids to play and it breaks my heart if they say no.
He started preschool 2hours 2times per week, and by the fourth week the "teacher" who looks to be around 19 askes me how long Jake has been have "problems" Ummmm, What problems he can count to 13, say his alphabet, recognize numbers & letters, can write them all too. He can write is name and can spell lots of three letter words. She says well he doesn't respond when we say his name and he won't make eye contact. And he doesn't play with the other kids. I said well you've known him a total of 8hours has it occured to you that he isn't comfortable with you? He probably doesn't play with the other kids because he doesn't have any kids to play with at home, his brother and sister are 13 & 11 years old.
Then she says well we think he's autistic! What????
So I asked Jake "Do you talk to your teacher?" and he said "nooooooo" I asked why and he said "the rules at school are no talking, pushing or shoving. So I won't do those things."
I asked him if he play with the other kids he said "no" When I asked why he said "because I don't want to"
Shame on me for never joining play groups when Jake was younger he only knows how to play with older kids. But the point is he does play with his brother, sister and cousins. Oh and one neighbor who is his age. He's in the other room right now cracking up with his 13year old brother.
Anyway, since the teacher said this to me I freak out every time Jake doesn't answer me the first time I say "Jake", I do know that snuggling is not one of his favorite things but when my husband walks in from work you can't hold Jake back he yells "daddy" and gives him the biggest hug, and Jake loves to cuddle his new baby sister.
So he doesn't always answer the first time I say Jake, he's not fond of snuggling and he doesn't play really well with kids his own age. What do you think?
Thanks for reading!
Annmarie
Edited 7/26/2005 3:26 pm ET ET by annmassonpardo

I say give him time and perhaps some more social opportunities. A child can be shy without being autistic. Like you said, she has known him all of 8 hours and this is his first school like experience. Unfortunately sometimes I find young professionals (I can say this cause I was one once, lol) like to think they know more than they do. ANd are trying to be too helpful.
If you are concerned, then take him to an outside professional for an evaluation. You know though, he may just be gifted and shy. He may have some really mild sensory issues. There are some similarities between gifted children and asperger types but the gifted children have theory of mind. Their are more differences as well, but to the untrained eye they may look the same. For instance, they tend to be more of loners because other kids aren't on the same level as them. They also tend to have areas of interest. I have to look up the articles I once saw. I don't have the links anymore, but if you do a search on AS and gifted you will likely find them.
Is he starting K in the fall? I depends I suppose when your districts cut off is. If so then I would keep an eye then and see how he warms up. Other ideas are take him to the library for story time (most have them for preschoolers) or to any type of activity your town may have like music, gymnastics, etc and you can see how he does yourself. Perhaps if you are there with him he will be more comfortable and you can also help him learn and be more comfortable in those surroundings. If you feel that he is starting to have difficulty in these situations then you may want to look into it more.
Another though again in sensory issues. Even if he isnt autistic, he may get overstimulated in large environments. For instance one sensory issue is tactile defensiveness where a person does NOT like to be touched. In a situation like that they may become more withdrawn in large situations because they are concentrating on not being touched. That is just one possibility.
I will say you son sounds perfectly marvelous, but always recomend caution and being aware. My AS children where both much more involved by 4 I KNEW something wasn't right. By 2 I KNEW something wasn't right. ASD is so much more than being a bit shy and not being a fan of hugs. Time will tell for sure, but right now he sounds like a happy, well adjusted, happy, smart little boy.
Renee
Renee, thank you so much for your input.
I have started taking Jake to gymboree he really loves it and gets really excited on "gymboree days"
I did take him to his doctors for an evaluation and the nurse practitioner specializing in early childhood development evaluated him then laughed at me and said "if you don't have to bring him back to that school then don't"
One example of the teacher lack of experience was she gave each child 3 circle 2eyes a nose and some bottons and said to make a snow man, well of course all the kids made perfect snowmen but when it came to Jake he glue two of the circles together then glued the rest of the stuff to the bottom of the paper. She showed it to me as an example of his inability to follow direction so I said "Jake, what happen to the snowman you teacher asked you to make" and he "mom, my snowman melted, it's really hot out there!"
I just had something I wanted to add.
I can understand how it must have felt to have someone suggest that to you out of the blue, regardless of whether or not it was true. However, something to keep in mind is that I for one, still see my two children with autism as perfect. Granted, they may not act as those considered typical--but that does not make them any less perfect. It often bothers me when people think that a child's life is less meaningful because they might not be what they thought of as perfect.
So, to the mom who was upset that her son was visualized as "not perfect", you may want to educate yourself that children with disabilities are all around us and they are just as much perfect as the child who met all of his milestones at the so-called correct time.
v
I can't speak for the poster, but I wanted to reply because I'm having my own set of "what am I going to do?" feelings.
Yes, I'm panicked about the outcome of my daughter's pending evaluation. But it isn't because she will be any less in my eyes if she has special needs, but because I will feel like a brand new mother again and lost in all the new needs and expectations. I am afraid, not because my daughter will suddenly become inadequate in any way, but because I might be inadequate to be all she needs.
The thing is, my daughter has a chronic health problem that was diagnosed when she barely 5 months old. Because of that I've always known that she was likely to have some learning challenges. But, as she's grown she's been, rather than delayed, fairly precocious about language development and she has the most phenomenal memory. It made it easy to ignore or downplay some of her quirks. I actually love a lot of them because they make her so unique and interesting. I guess it really didn't occur to me until recently that I could be doing her a disservice by not trying to understand the "why's" of her actions, and just humoring them. I suddenly feel as off kilter as I did when I finally accepted that her physical symptoms were real and life threatening all those months ago.
I just wanted to share my feelings on this finding out phase some of us occassional posters, or lurkers might be going through. I don't think any of us want to imply by our unknowing use of words like "perfect", or "wrong" that any child has less value than any other. And I think your children are monumentally lucky to have so a strong and protective mother.
Mary
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said she has only known your son for 8 hours. Austism diagnosis are on the rise, so I suspect some teachers are on the look out for it. If she had bothered to ask your son why he was doing some of the things he did, she would have gotten a reasonable answer from him. It sounds like she needs to learn to talk to kids, rather than their parents!
If your gut is telling you something may be wrong, then get him checked. Otherwise, just wait and watch. He sounds like a bright, but shy child! I loved his answer for why he glued the buttons where he did.
I honestly wouldn't worry too much. If Jake interacts with you, and others he knows well, I'd say he's probably fine. Some kids are more shy, or take a bit to warm up to new people. It sounds like he's fine. And if he doesn't answer immediately when you call his name, he might just be absorbed in what he's doing, or ignoring you :). If he does respond most of the time, and seems engaged and not in his own world most of the time, I'd say he's probably ok. If you truly are concerned, you can always have him evaluated (by EI, or dr). Good luck.
Jen