Am I the only one?
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| Wed, 08-23-2006 - 8:24pm |
And maybe this is really just a question for parents of the recently diagnosed....
But am I the only one that walks into every meeting, asessment, or appointment with some secret part hoping, expecting, believing that THIS TIME I will be told "it was all a mistake". I do this every time. I don't know how. I always get to a point where I think I understand and I'm grounded and my expectations are realistic and grounded and routed in goals that have been discussed and well chosen. Then the date is over and that part of me is sadder and more tired and more lost and I feel let down, instead of further along on our journey. In a couple of days I'll be positive again ready to move on, but the lead up to and come down from these sorts of things kills me.
In any case Kivrin is officially eligible for, and needful of, special education pre-K in our district and as soon as paperwork arrives from the univerisity we will have an IEP meeting (next week?) and she starts as soon as the visit to granny is over (Sept 11, good thing I'm not superstitious).
Mary

Well, kinda, I suppose.
Tonight was kindergarten round up.
Nope you are not the only one. I even have a term for it that I consider with much endearment. It is my happy denial phase.
Every, Every and I mean every time I went through the diagnostic process with my kids I had a pretty good idea of what I would be told and yet a part of me always hoped that someone would say "your crazy, s/he is fine and will grow out of it", "you just need to take some parenting classes", (since that is what we commonly hear from non-professionals) or some other similar thing. I wanted to be crazy. I wanted it to be some silly little thing they would grow out of. Just spirited. But it never was and each time it was like a kick in the stomach.
When Cait was in K she was doing well. The school district recomended graduating her from her IEP. Honest, she really never should have been removed from the IEP but DH and I were so excited to hear this that we jumped right on the band wagon. It was just a bad dream. Well within 6 months she was back on an IEP.
Heck to this day each and every time we have a annual IEP and they get to the part about eligibility, it still gives me a kick in the stomach when the consensus quickly is that they continue to qualify for special education.
Just the other day Mike's mainstream teacher was telling me that she thinks he should be mainstreamed full time. I have to really keep my emotions in check because naturally that is something I would love to happen but I know it won't. I know it is just the honeymoon period, but still it is nice to dream.
Renee
Mary,
You are so NOT the only one. I remember those
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Me too. Sometimes my kids seem so tremendously normal. Sometimes even better behaved, more adult, more charming than NT kids and I will think, "Hey, by the time this year is over no one will ever be able to tell my kids are different at all, except in a good way!" Then something will happen and autism is clearly on their faces, in their behavior, can't miss that SOMETHING is out of whack even if you've never heard of PDD-NOS or Asperger's. Then I realize that they (and I) have been faking it and we're not normal at all. But they are such brave little guys. They just troop on, guess there's nothing else they can do. They are much braver than I am.
Kelly
Some will not notice anyway even when they are struggling because they have some really good skills, and I think this is one of the toughest part of having an invisible disability like AS.
ex. Cait has joined karate and didn't want to tell the instructor of her ASD. She is old enough to self determine so I respected that. They were doing this one thing that Cait could not get. Cait was the oldest in the class by far (it is for 5-15 yos. There was one other boy there about 10 who I think has needs and the rest were about 6-8). The instructor was harping on her, making her do this one thing over and over and she was getting very frustrated. It was obvious to me that she didn't understand what he was asking her to do. It was obvious to me she was different and she was ASD, but it was not obvious to the sensei. Now he is a very nice sensei and tries hard but if you don't understand the entire spectrum....ya know. She worked hard and it taught her perseverance that she will need for her future but it was hard as a mom to watch.
Same thing in youth group. Cait loves youth group. Often I will come and she is roaming the perimeter. She did end up attaching herself to 2 other boys who are similarly socially odd so these 3 are the "square pegs" who hang out alone and I am sure the other kids think are weird. I could tell often if I stopped by when Cait would misunderstand what was going on, or when she wanted to interact but didn't know how. The youth group leaders had no clue Cait had a disability at all. I only mentioned it when Cait was diagnosed with epilepsy and at the time the youth group leader finally made a comment on how Cait didn't like to participate (out of concern). That was after nearly a full year.
Cait loves it and she is interacting on her own level. Sure it isn't like a typical kid but she is having fun and learning in a positive environment. But even when it sticks out, it doesn't always stick out.
Renee
THANK YOU!
Thank you to everyone that replied.
I really appreciate it and I don't feel nearly so alone, nor so looney now. It's been one of those weeks, but things are finally coming together so I might get to relax a bit in the near future. After the school district deal we got an unexpected call from the best therapy place in the area offering us a morning slot and it's even on a day when she doesn't go to school. woohooo! Of course it's for speech and I'm really desperate to start OT, but they they think we can get co-treatment with an OT after the September rush on evaluations is done. Now if I can just keep myself from getting too upset when they evaluate and agree she needs therapy...
Thanks again.
Mary