And Bad Mommy Of The Year Goes To...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
And Bad Mommy Of The Year Goes To...
7
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 6:54pm
I haven't posted in awhile, but when this happened today I really needed to come to where others have kids like mine. Billy is 4 and has AS. When he gets overstimulated more of his behaviors begin to show. We took him to Boston today on the train. He did really well. He did a lot of repetitive stuff like opening and closing doors, up and down stairs etc. We let him get it out of his system as he does this to calm himself. Unfortunately one of his sensory things is spitting. He likes the way it feels, sounds etc. I have told him that he can do this at home in the bathroom sink to his hearts contents. We were at the John Quincy Adams statue at Quincy Market, I turned around to take a bite of my sandwich and guess what he proceeds to do. I turned around to hear to people getting really upset at his behavior. They were pointing at him and doing some stage whispering so that others would hear. I immediately got up and went over to Billy and made him stop.THey kept pointing at him, which got him all riled up. So I tried to explain about his AS and the guy says to me "I don't care...that's still gross" So I let that go. The woman follows me around the monument as I'm trying to corrall Billy and move him along. SHe is making comments about his spitting. I couldn't believe they were making such a big deal. She was making these faces and rolling her eyes. Finally I snapped and shouted at her "Lady, why don't you buy a f***ing ticket." She abruptly stopped and turned around and went back to her husband. I think they thought I was a lunatic. I don't feel bad about yelling at this woman, I do feel bad about using that language in public and in front of ds. Even after all of this you would think they would just go about their business, but they kept pointing and making disgusted faces at us. Sigh. I really wanted to walk up to her and whack that look off her face. That wrecked the whole rest of our day. I wasn't trying to make excuses for bad behavior, I was trying to explain that sometimes when he's overwhelmed he does some of these things. I felt bad for him, he had no idea why everyone was getting so upset. I thought he was pretty brave to head into Boston and tackle all the loud noises, bright colors etc. of the busy city. I wish I could have told this lady how at just a year ago the noise alone would have paralyzed him. Oh well...thanks for listening to this big rambling pity party!!LOL

Jen

 

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 9:08pm
well, i don't know if it is kosher for me to say this, but that lady deserved everything she got. how dare she follow you around and keep hounding you about your son. it certainly was NOT her place. i don't think i would have had the nerve to say what you said but i think that was certainly a fair response to some uncalled behavior on her part. kudos to you.

bless

bugs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 11:13am
I am with bugs on this one. Now of course spitting is not good in public, but most people seeing a 4 y.o. doing something innapropriate (which happens often doesn't it) would just make a quick look and then ignore. Maybe say something to the person with them, like "that poor mom, I bet he keeps her going". But being that rude and following you around was just as innaproriate and disgusting as his spitting. And they were adults without a disability, not 4 with AS.

Don't let it ruin trips for you. The vast majority of people are way more understanding than that. Mike also gets into a variety of innapropriate behaviors when over stimulated. He tends to play with his spit or boogers, but not spit. Still way disgusting. I redirect him and give him more appropriate things to do, but I know he has still done it in public and no one has ever been that rude with me.

BTW, if you can find some sensory toy that fulfills that same need, you can take that in public with you. Mike has this stretchy squichy disgusting snake toy he strecthes and is more appropriate. Now I just have to find something for when he feels the need to do the Curly Howard on the floor spinning or spins and bumps into people. (hehe)

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 11:50am
Maybe spitting is gross...it's better than being a souless waste of meat on the planet though. Gee whiz! How small must their worlds be? I must admit I'm biased and my tolerance and patience level is immense (as many other parents here are)...but the lady needs better things to fill her day! Personally, my mission in life isn't to reform all the spitting children of the world. I think you are very brave and funny to have said that cusswords and all. I think you are a gutsy lady and your ds is lucky to have you on his team. You tried the nice way, but it wasn't good enough for those eggheads. You dealt with it in the only language their small worlds are able to understand...Jerry Springer mentalities! Unfortunately, I think this really defines why it's so hard to parent these kids...either people try to understand or they want to judge. If our kids had obvious looking disabilities, people wouldn't feel it was okay to berate them. Being better than someone else is the only way they can feel superior themselves. That's the bottom line. Well, here's a huge pat on the back from me. My dd has made my life beautiful and my heart bigger than those type of people will ever possibly experience. You have to (almost) feel sorry for their ignorance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 6:41pm
Thank you all so much! You guys made me feel much better. I'm definitely not going to let that ruin any future trips that I may plan for ds. It's been a rough week all around. He's got a lot going on right now and I think that is contributing to his behavior this past week. He's starting back to school and that's always a majore stressor. I'm definitely going to look for some type of toy to fill that sensory need for him. I thought the lady overreacted myself too...it's a good thing she didn't see me letting him pee outside my car. LOL. (He's terrified of public restrooms) We are working on this one and he's making much progress. Auto-flush toilets totally FREAK him out. I guess this won't be my first encounter with idiots, but it took me by surprise as overall people have always been pretty understanding once I explain what's going on. Thank you again for the moral support..it was much needed! :-)

Jen

 

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 8:58pm
jen,

here's a tip for those auto flush toilets. find the sensor (usually at the back about 6 inches or so up on the pipe from the toilet) and cover it with your hand. it will not flush until you remove your hand. i do this so my son can go without freaking out that the toilet is going to flush by itself and before he is a safe distance away. not the most comfortable place to be, son sitting on toilet and me straddled around him to cover the sensor BUT he can go without it flushing twenty times. once i convinced him i could control when it flushed he actually went IN the toilet and not on himself.

bless

bugs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 9:10pm
Thanks Bugs! Everywhere we go Billy asks people.."do you have an autoflush toilet?" That's a great tip. I'm forever investigating bathrooms for autoflushers..LOL

Jen

 

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Sun, 08-31-2003 - 10:04am
Jen,

I think you did well to hold your cool for so long!

I also have a spitter. It was school's idea to convert it to blowing. Now he blows on things for fun and on me when mad at me (we even play 'blow ping pong' at restaurants across the table with a crayon). It's not ideal, but it seems to fulfiill the need he has and it beats the bejeekers out of spitting!

Thanks for the autoflush advice bugs, We needed it!

-Paula

-Paula

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