Another Anxiety question
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| Tue, 02-28-2006 - 4:35pm |
I think I've realized that much of Sam's (6.5, AS) challenging behaviors stem from anxiety in one form or another. I think most of the time he freezes, can't remember what to do next and shuts down or then melts down. This happens for any number of reasons.....
He's reading and can't remember a letter sound.
Beginning any kind of paper work at school or at home.
He's playing and someone says or does something he doesn't like
He's hurt somewhere, usually the more minor the pain, the more he acts upset
He will often throw things or start screaming at the top of his lungs that he" can't". Screaming doesn't automatically become a complete loss of control though. Usually some support from us can help turn him around. He usually just needs some reassurance that he can do the task or some help getting the wheels turning. At school there is very little 1:1 help and he often will come home with incomplete work. He'll refuse to do work too, but mostly I think because he doesn't know what to do or how to start. He actually came home with a paper that the teacher had written, "follow directions!' on. Which annoys the heck out of me because the directions where multi-step and I'm sure he didn't bother to read them off the paper and may not have understood them orally (he has a horrible auditory discrimination problem.) If I review stuff at home he does ok with alot of reassurance and guidance. He's not working up to grade level at all and I think this is what is impacting him the most.
I think some of it is that perseverance thing. He doesn't remember or feels badly and can't see to the other side of the feeling he's having. Right now he's cofused so he thinks he'll always feel confused and doesn't remember ever not being confused and that's frightening for him. He can't seem to think when he's stuck so if he can't remember something, it could very well be in his head but he can't access it. This afternoon he said he had a cut on his finger, one that he admitted you couldn't see. He didn't mention it all the way home from school and was fine the first 15 min. of being home. But then he just freaked out because it hurt sooooo bad. I hate to run around fixing things when he is melting down. I don't want him to associate his crying fits with me making him feel better. I like to try to calm him down (which he needs help with when he gets to this point) before we figure out what to do. This doesn't seem to help him learn how to calm himself though and I'm wondering if that is at all possible.
He's only melted down like this twice at school. Once because he really had to go pee and the sub. thought he could hold it. When he's gotta go, he's gotta go. He doesn't realize that he has to go until it's too late. And once when he had a scratch and it hurt soooo bad that he wanted a bandaid but it wasn't bleeding so the sub said, "no." He has torn up school work and has ongoing hitting or other personal space issues during group work or play periods too. When he gets anxious or excited he cannot sit still and gets very very silly and out of control. Any kind of holiday or exciting event messes him all up. I suppose happy events cause stress and anxiety too.
I realize that it's probably something that can't be "fixed", but how can he learn these skills when remembering, processing, and generalizing are already so hard?
Any thoughts?
Chrystee


Chrystee,
I'm dealing with the same things too. Nathan learns well from repetition, so that's how I'm handling the whole meltdown thing!!! Just lots of repetition. Reminding him to calm down, reassurance, taking a breath, etc. Nowadays, he doesn't always meltdown about everything. He's able to let some things go easier than he did before.
I also make sure that I don't make a big deal about things. And, of course, staying calm myself helps the situation too.
I don't have all the answers here! LOL But I'm hoping that Nathan will get better with this with time. I've seen so many improvements over the last few years, so I keep hoping!
The one thing you mentioned about Sam's finger, how he waited 15 min and then just freaked out about it. We have LOTS of those instances here! Nathan spaces off ALOT....he's always obsessing about something, thinking about something... and then SUDDENLY he'll remember and panic. He's learned alot of new phrases from me and his teachers to help him calm down too. "Skin does grow back" "Everybody makes mistakes" (my favorite) "you will ALWAYS love me?" and "I'm ok, mommy?" There's a few others, I just can't think of them right now.
I think I started saying certain phrases to him when he was younger, when he was learning to talk. Phrases that I would repeat to him. He was able to grasp what I was saying, and eventually he started repeating them back. Like everytime he spilled or dropped something I would tell him that everybody makes mistakes, it's ok. So, now when this happens, he asks me the question, "everybody makes mistakes?"......and he waits for me to answer him AND I HAVE TO ANSWER HIM, or he'll meltdown. Just the comfort of those words helps him to understand....these are words he DOES understand, from repetition. Does that make sense? I'm sure if I explained that right! LOL
Anyway, HTH.....I know how you feel!
michelle