Anxious but survivng
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| Mon, 02-13-2006 - 7:53am |
Malcolm's first week at more challenging private special needs school went pretty well, all thing considering. He has been anxious and waking with bad dreams, normal for him when stressed, had a good-sized breakdown at school 2nd day although it sounds like it was handled very well. He has actually enjoyed many things at new school, but also is expressing great dismay at leaving his friends at ASD school and LOL ASD school has now become object of great affection (let's just say that a week ago, not so much...) and I am a bad parent for switching him. Even though he was actively a part of decision... We are repeatedly telling him that this school is now better for him because he needs more challenging school work 'cuz he's too smart, and I can tell on some level this is the hook that will really get and keep him until he relaxes enough to enjoy himself again.
And he IS already enjoying the more challenging schoolwork. Man, oh man, the improvement in the level of schoolwork is really staggering! And, yup, no problem for him to do it. He is writing a report on Thurgood Marshall, researching online and even interviewed his grandmother on the phone, who was in civil rights movement and knew Dr. Martin Luther and Coretta Scott King. Higher level math, reading assigments... This is more like it! I still am a little sorry we had to move him now instead of next Fall, the socialization at ASD school is just brilliant and I would have not had him stressed midyear, BUT! It's not a perfect world.
I am pleased because he is EXPRESSING his difficulties. His new thing when he is angry with me now is to plan his escape by running away to one of his best friend's houses and moving in where the parents will be nicer to him and he will have siblings!!! He asked me for cab fare the other day in middle of argument. I am trying to explain that asking for cab fare is cheating when running away, anyways, I love his creativity at expressing his upsets... I am planning a few overnights at his friends' houses soon to try and honor his feelings on some level, I guess this could backfire if he refuses to come home. (Actually, the twins' dad said to Malcolm it was fine with him!! Move on in!! They love him!!! ... Big help)
And this is our version of least restrictive environment, as the class is bigger (by a few students) with one less teacher (2 instead of 3), and the kids are all way more verbal, social and interactive. In my mommy gut, I am excited through and through by this opportunity for him to step even further out, my beautiful big boy!!!
Now maybe I can breathe for a year and change before thinking about the next big step, MIDDLE SCHOOL!!!!!! (Aughh)

Sara,
Sounds like things are going well for Malcolm. Changing to a new school is difficult. This is Tyler's first year at this school. Nathan was already going there, so I moved Tyler there to make things easier. Better dealing with one school, instead of two!!
Tyler is just starting to adjust. After coming back from his week and half off of school (tonsillectomy), he was able to see how all of his classmates missed him. This made him feel liked and more apart of his new class and school. So that was nice!!!
That's wonderful how Malcolm is able to express being upset. Nathan still folds his arms and stomps toward the door or goes upstairs to his room!! He does say, "I'm outta here!!" But doesn't ask for cab fare!! LOL (We don't have alot of cabs here though).
I'm glad the schoolwork is more at his level. There's nothing like having the work be too easy for them...where they don't learn anything! I'm sure with time, Malcolm will become more adjusted to the new school!!
michelle
Hi Sara,
Well it does sound like you all made the right decision. I am glad that you are cautiously optimistic! I bet he will continue to thrive and do great once he totally adjusts.
I will be interested to hear of Malcom's progress as things go along. He is much older than Eric, but I can see this type of problem for us down the road. Even at the pre-k level, I can see "academic" stuff is is his strength.
It's funny the sentimentality our kids have that sometimes seems hidden, I guess. Although just a little guy, Eric reacted similarly this fall when we switched him from a "warm and fuzzy" pre-k that he really liked, with caring teachers who had no understanding of how to teach ASD kids, to a more structured ESE program. One of the teachers had an ASD nephew, and she had good instincts, but Eric needed more structure. Most of the day at this school was free-play, with one short 10 min. circle time, Eric would sit and do circle time fine, but no real interaction with other kids otherwise.
Eric's "new" public school ASD program is way more structured and Eric has only recently become verbal enough to express that he misses the old school. He talks fondly of his old teachers and of two children he calls "friends" that I didn't even know he cared about! We still do "visit" the school to see the teacher he likes and he does play with a couple of the kids in our neighborhood who go there. I'm toying with the idea of his going back there for a summer program, just bc I think it would be fun for him, kind of a "break". But I am still not sure bc I am afraid he'd think that is where he was going in the fall too.
Anyway, great for you and Malcolm! I know such big changes are stressful for everyone and am glad it is going well so far.
Katherine
It's nice to see how well Malcolm is doing at his new school. Keep us posted in the future.
Teresa
Sara,
Congrats on the successful first week. Hopefully everything will just really start to smooth out now.
What grade is Malcolm? 3rd? (I think he is a year younger than Mike). That will give him another 2 years before middle school which will be good. This private school doesn't have middle school too? Most of our private SN schools include middle school. Most don't start until upper elementary and then continue on through middle and often high school. The one I want Mike to go to is currently 3-12 I think. I like his current class so I don't want him to go until middle school though.
A changes are tough. Glad he made this one well.
Renee
Hi Renee (and Happy birthday again),
Yes he is a year younger, however, his dad and I have to start over a year in advance applying to get him into a middle school! It is so competitive here as there are so few spots for so many kids, we will be WAY busy working on next step. The sad thing is that the spectrum kids are REALLY finding it hard to get in anywhere, the ASD school actually has a deal with BOE that they can "hold back" their 5th graders for another year of "5th grade", so the school has had an unofficial 6th grade of kids who didn't get in anywhere for several years in a row now (school is real new).
We know Malcolm has a better shot than most, as he doesn't struggle as much with behavior and his academics are so strong, which means that there are more schools that will look at him. There are a few schools that go through high school, but one won't look at him 'cuz his scores/academics are too HIGH (they are only learning DISabilities, no spectrum) and another has alot of EBD kids, not a good match for him.
And if we want to try mainstream, there are a few private schools with special ed components that we can look at who might be interested in him, small classes, etc.
Many of all these schools are not "funded", which means we have to pay up front and then fight BOE to get reimbursed. The parents all win, but you only get a little more than half of money back and these schools are NOT cheap. There are only 2 funded schools we can really consider, one with middle school only and one through high school, and as Malcolm is "funded", those would be free to us automatically. We are crossing our fingers on one of those 2, they are both really good schools and he would be happy there.
Any other school we will need a lawyer for, that will be our first time... But as I've said, everyone else I know here works with lawyers all the time, so at least I have lots of good referrals!!!
Crazy world.
Sara
Sara,
Yea! sounds as though the new school is great! and that even though Malcolm is upset by the change it's not really hurting him, just difficult (as it would be for any child even an NT one to change schools-- my nt DD was the one that reacted -- and is still reacting this way to our cross country move 1 1/2 yrs ago).
I had to LOL to him asking for cab fare in the middle of an arguement! too funny!
Betsy
Sorry, I had to laugh at being called a 'bad parent'. I get that at least once a day from Alex whenever I tell him he needs to do something (i.e. brush his teeth, put his shoes on, etc.). If I interrupt him when he's "playing" (usually drawing maps or making his own car magazines), he threatens to run away from home. The other day when I asked him where he was planning to go, he said he'd buy a sailboat and go to France (?)
Within the same hour of calling me a 'bad parent', he'll tell me I'm the "best mother he ever had" and I'm his "sweetheart".
Too funny.
Laurie
Laurie
Laurie,
Ohmigawd, Malcolm ALSO said he was getting a sailboat and going to France. Do you think they've been communicating somehow? Do you think they have a line on a boat? Oh, wait, Malcolm said he was taking the sailboat by himself, so that's not it. How weird is that for coincidence, ooo-ooooo-ooooo-ooooo...
Malcolm has a storybook about a dog who sailed away by himself and lived alone on a boat, and he loves it. He's mentioned this fantasy a few times. Well, I remember fantasizing about running away and living alone in a hollowed-out tree vis-a-vie "My Side of the Mountain" when I was his age, so I relate.
And yes, then 5 minutes later I am also his "little love", "best girl" and "sweetheart", also "leave that man and come marry me" (he means his dad, uh huh...). Never a dull moment.
Sara
ilovemalcolm
Its sounds like a really good move for him. I hope his adjustment is quick. His asking for cab fare really craked me up :)
Samantha