Any one else in the teen years?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Any one else in the teen years?
6
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 12:10pm
I need advice on how to progress with dignity through the teen years. How to avoid plunges into depression. I need help to get my two kids to the other side of the grand canyon of HS and safely to adulthood. Any one out there leading the way?

Been there, Done that kind of leadership?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 1:25pm
It's been ages since I've been here, but I was going to post today wondering the same thing.

My DSS (Aspergers) is 11 and just started middle school. (1st time he has to keep things in a locker and walk to class changes). He has shot up a few inches, is getting very hairy legs, and has started to blush at the mention of girls - Oh No! I'm worried it's going to be brutal. Already his stimming is getting worse. He started school with his lips chewed raw and someone is surely going to go berzerk with him sucking on his fingers and cracking his knuckles during class. He's a clutz - poor muscle tone, and when he's unsure of a situation (which can be very often) he tends to use a kind of "baby-talk" tone. We can talk and talk to him about this stuff - show him examples of kids interacting in good social ways, etc. But frankly things seem to be going downhill rapidly. He's an emotional rollercoaster. I thought this only happened to girls??? He gets caught up in whatever thing is fascinating him at the moment and then an hour later, he finds out his brother has done something fun and he starts crying because he didn't get to do it. He says no one will play with him when he asks (that leads to a calm explanation of how he shouldn't wait until someone is in the middle of something else - and usually even talking to someone else - to interupt the conversation and ask them to go play a game...) he says his stand-partner in band hates him, he says his step-dad only yells at him. (He has 4 parents with shared custody - a nightmare for even an NT to survive - but we all try really hard).

What do we do? I spoke to DH today about perhaps getting some outside professional help for DSS. Have any of you done this? How can he survive this peer-pressure time? We thought he might not "notice" what the kids think - but it appears he does.

He is an intelligent, talented, handsome, sweet boy and I think he might be becoming very unhappy with himself.

TIA for any suggestions - especially as might relate to Aspergers boys approaching puberty!

Jackie

Avatar for mamabearof2
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Registered: 08-30-2003
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 3:15pm
My DS is in the teen years now. Just started HS. Since I am learning during this milestone with my son I have begun communicating with the school on every question I have. The school has been great so far and I hope it continues to be a positive experience for him. He is a sweetheart and I worry about bullies myself.

With the support of this board we can get over the grand canyon together.

Linda

Linda5Fburgerbear.jpg image by suzyqe1            &nb

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 7:45pm
Not there quite yet, but think about it often. dd is 9 and in 4th grade. There are many concerns coming up, but I find many of the social girl ones already starting.

I don't recall, is one of your aspies a girl. I know I was reading "Queen Be's and Wannabe's" recently. Quite a good book to navigate any mom with a dd through the teenage years. I know there are some books I heard of about asperger's teens and such. Don't know it that is any help.

Look forward to learning what you learn as I get closer with my 2 AS kiddo's.

Renee

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Avatar for maresgood
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 1:05am
Hi, I am looking to you guys for the leadership for the teen yrs. My AS dd will be 11 next month so we haven't gotten there yet, but today as a matter of fact, I called the psychol. (that we are going to be doing social group with) & I asked when were we going to start. We will be getting together with other AS girls in her age group weekly. My dd had a friend in summer school who gave her her a ph.# to call & she could not bring herself to call her up ALL summer. She gets so stressed. She has also been doing things like riding her bike past a boy she likes from school's house just about every day. She is somewhat obsessed with him. He told her last yr. that he "liked" her & that was all it took! Tomorrow she will start 6th gr. There are alot of girl cliques. My dd I know will be off standing by herself just like every yr. My dd has 1 or 2 girlfriends but noone she gets together with outside of school. It makes me sad but I have learned to deal. Anyway good luck all of you with the school issues that may arise & I hope to gain wisdom & help thru this board.~ MaryAnn
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Registered: 07-13-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 9:26am
boy can i relate to all of you moms. i just dropped my 14 dd off and she is a nervous wreck. she has attended this school for the last three years and you would think it was her first year stepping foot on the property. this is a school for learning disabled children and is very nurturing. has anyone ever given thought to starting a e-mail pal club for almost teens and teens. dont you think it would be very supportive for our kids to share their feelings and experiences whith each other. send me your thoughts

mary beth

mom to katy-bi-polar,add(20)/matthew-add(18) and suzanna - epilepsy,add,and somewhere on the spectrum

pk565675@aol.com

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 2:23pm
Ok. So I am not alone. Yippeee! The Grade school and Middle school years were hell with my dd, Now 13. So bad that at the end of 4th grade I removed her from school and homeschooled. In 7th grade we decided to try public school again( with medication) and it is working ok, finally. She has one good friend, who has a brother who is ADHD and "knows" all about how it is to be on the out side looking in. We have had so many tears over social gaffs and situations that we could refill the Salton Sea!

I'm not sure how HS will go for DS as he was dropped from Special services this year. I may have to kick and claw to get them back it things dont go well. Lucky for us, it is a small town and school system. We live right next to the HS and he has taken summer classes and swimming lessons there for years, so he will not be jumping into the unknown. We'll see today when he gets home if he has fingertips left or if he has chewed the pads off...