Anyone else feel this way?
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Anyone else feel this way?
| Fri, 01-06-2006 - 2:08pm |
I have a 7 yrs old ds with Asperger's and tourette's syndrome. Does anyone feel that they are living in secret with their child. It's just dawned on me these past few days. My ds is a wonderful kid but he is a little "odd" at times. And to stranger's he may seem rude, different etc. It's so difficult raising a child with Asperger's because they are completly normal on the outside but a little different inside. I just wish my ds could be accepted by his peers and stranger's for who he is.
Sorry if this is all over the place. It's been a rough week.
Thanks for listening.
Karen
ds - 7yrs
ds 23 months
ds- 2 weeks (and yes my hands are full) lol!
Sorry if this is all over the place. It's been a rough week.
Thanks for listening.
Karen
ds - 7yrs
ds 23 months
ds- 2 weeks (and yes my hands are full) lol!


(((((Karen)))))
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Yes, I think I know what you mean. It can be very hard sometimes because they are expected to be and act perfectly normal. And even often if you try to tell the other person in the interaction that your child is autistic, unless they look like rainman you are not believed. Instead you get a look which says to you that they may be thinking "gee that mom is nuts. She just doesn't want to accept her role in his behavior. If she was just a better parent." It isn't true but it is hard not to feel it.
Ya know, we know a number of people with children with a variety of disabilities. Some are more obvious to the passerby than AS. I know in the past when Mike has been having a hard time I have thought it would have just been easier for him if he were born with an obvious disability rather than AS. It would have been easier for me, but he can get such a hard time from others expecting things of him he can't do. Then his anxiety goes up, his behavior gets worse, etc. This has been especially a problem with my DH's family. We have a nephew who is classic Kanners autistic and all the family treat his wonderful. Gives him space if he needs it, etc. But Mike, is not only more verbal he is the oldest boy of the cousins and as such it was always assumed his lack of response was rudeness, his outburst were bad behavior and bad parenting. It is getting better but I had to be very blunt with them.
Honest over the last couple years Mike has gained more autism looking type symptoms. He is more obviously different now than he was and it is actually easier. If I tell his coach or an uncle that he is autistic they actually believe me and give him a break, and some space.
On the other hand, Cait is just quirky. She is at an age I let her tell people if she wants too. I have given up caring if people think she is rude or quirky. She is Cait and she is cool as she is. I honestly don't care what others think about my parenting and such. What I care about is how those thoughts translate to my kids, thier level of stress and how it affects them.
But yeah, I think I know what you mean. My kids know about autism. Most of the people I know know about my kids autism, I have an autism bumper sticker. It isn't something we hide because it is something they are going to have to learn to live with, accept and even cherish in thier own way for life.
Renee
Karen,
First of all, congrats on the new baby! I'm sure you're really busy (and probably really tired!)
Yes, I feel the exact same way. My ds is 6 with Asperger's, and he is a sweet, smart, interesting little guy, but at times very quirky. Some of the quirks put people off, both kids and adults, and then they never try to get to know him. Those that do, like my family, and most of his therapists and teachers, all comment on how much they like him and his unique way of looking at the world. But it is hard. I'm a little quirky myself, and I never wanted Ryan to struggle with the same things I did in my life, but I know he will.
I always wonder.. why we have such a narrow (imo) definition of what "normal" is in our society? Don't we have room for Aspies and Auties in this world? They're great people, but not often understood by many people. In my neck of the woods in PA, when you say Autism, most people think of Rainman, they only think of a severely autistic child. They can't believe that a kid who is walking and talking and dressing himself is autistic. Like Renee said, they think I'm crazy, or one of those mothers who wants their kid to be sick to make them feel more important. I'm starting to ramble..
I've finally got my family to understand Ryan, and I'm working on dh's. That's a start..
Good luck and take care,
Kate
Karen,
I think we all feel this way at one time or another. It is difficult. Nathan is showing more autistic traits as he gets older, similiar to what Renee said about Mike. I'm not sure why this is, possibly because of the mere fact of "getting older" he has gained more knowledge and awareness....which adds more stress and anxiety to his life.
I also feel that family and people we come in contact with often, are noticing his quirks even more. He may seem NT at times, but then there are times when he doesn't. I often wonder if other people look at him. I have to admit, I don't really look at other people to see if they are watching us. I'm too busy making sure he follows me, keeps up, behaves, and stays connected. I'm sure that as he gets older, alot of what he does and says won't be considered "cute" anymore. But I'll just have to take it day by day.
michelle
Karen,
Yes, I know what you mean. I have developed a very thick skin over the years (you can't not), but what I hate is when they hurt Peter's feelings. He is 21 months older than his sister, but because she happens to be very tall for her age (they wear the same size in clothes and shoes!), and he is a lot more developmentally delayed than she is, I get asked ALL THE TIME if they are twins? Ya know I don't care. It's a logical question, and many people have the sensitivity to ask me out of their earshot, but if Peter hears that question he gets very hurt. "NO. I'm 7. I'm a big kid. She's only 5. She's a medium kid."
But I can't talk. I used to be one of 'them' too. I used to be VERY judgemental about what I percieved to be "badly behaved" kids. I am a lot more understanding now. But I had to walk a mile in my own shoes! Now DH and I forgive and diagnose every boisterous kid we come across! LOL.
I hoope you are getting some sleep! Babies are wonderful, but those first few months are very wearing on Mom. ((((((hugs)))))
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com