ASD Christmas humor
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| Fri, 12-29-2006 - 5:59pm |
My Christmas was not good and I feel quite like the Grinch. I won't go into it. But we traveled to visit family, LOTS of family, we all got sick, lots of family dysfunction j(and my family did not put the "fun" in dysfunction!) I could go on and on. So when I read these parodies of Christmas songs from another list I had to laugh. I'm just posting a few but you can check out the link.
On the link I got these from, there is also a "your child might be on an IEP" bit based on the Jeff Foxworthy comedy stuff that is kind of funny too.
I love Christmas, but this year was not great. We are trying tomorrow to "rewind" and have a quiet, ASD-friendly Christmas at our house with just the 3 of us.
Anyway, these are pretty sarcastic, but I think funny too! I truly hope I do not offend anyone, but my Christmas was so bad, these ditties summed it up for me!
Katherine
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Some Christmas Autism Humor
#1: We Won't Go
(sung to the tune of "Let It Snow")
Oh, your party sure sounds delightful,
But our child's behavior's frightful,
And since we'll just bring you woe,
We won't go, we won't go, we won't go.
Well, the tantrums he won't be stopping,
And we'll chase him 'til we're dropping,
He just can't stand the stress, and so
We won't go, we won't go, we won't go.
If we actually made it there,
After miles of yelling and gripes,
We would suffer your guests' cruel stares
And overhear all of their snipes.
Oh, they'd whisper that we're bad parents,
And our child is quite aberrant,
'Til our spirits were sunk, and so
We won't go, we won't go, we won't go.
#2: I'm Dreaming of a Quiet Christmas
(sung to the tune of "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas")
I'm dreaming of a quiet Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know,
Without ER dashes,
Mysterious rashes,
Or kids injured in the snow.
I'm dreaming of a quiet Christmas --
With every Christmas card I write,
"Our year has been quite a fright!
And I hope that Christmas will be quiet."
I'm dreaming of a quiet Christmas
Without a crisis to control.
Let there be no sirens
In our environs,
No crying children to console.
I'm dreaming of a quiet Christmas,
Oh, Santa, won't you hear my plea?
Make our day peaceful and stress-free --
That's the best gift you could bring me.
#3: Too-Silent Night
(sung to the tune of "Silent Night")
Silent night,
Too-silent night,
All is calm,
Something's not right.
Someone's up to some mischief, I think.
I smell a rat, and it's starting to stink.
I won't get any rest
'Til what they're up to I've guessed.
Silent night
Sneaky night
I'll catch up
To those scoundrels alright.
Stealing money? Hiding snacks?
Forging signatures? Planning attacks?
When their plotting has ceased,
Then I'll find heavenly peace.
#4: Echolalia Bells
(sung to the tune of "Jingle Bells")
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the time.
Sing it in the morning,
Sing it in bed,
Sing it at suppertime.
Oh, jingle bells, I hear those bells
Constantly, it seems,
Every waking moment now
And even in my dreams.
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Endlessly, that thing!
Jingle bells, I've got to yell,
Is it all this child can sing?
Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle jingle JING!
Oh what pain is in my brain
>From this endless jingling!
#5: We'll Be Ill for Christmas
(sung to the tune of "I'll Be Home for Christmas")
We'll be ill for Christmas.
You can count on that.
There'll be snot,
Oh, quite a lot,
And vomit by the vat.
Christmas Eve will find us
Fighting with the flu.
We'll be ill for Christmas,
Contagious and full of goo.
We'll be ill for Christmas.
Santa, stay away!
Don't come near,
Bad germs are here,
They'll slay you in your sleigh.
Leave us meds and tissues,
Throw them through the flue.
We'll be ill this Christmas,
Infectious and feeling blue.
#6: Have a Hypoallergenic Christmas
(sung to the tune of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas")
Have a hypoallergenic Christmas.
No gluten for you!
Hold the eggs and dairy, hold the peanuts, too.
Have a low-carb, diabetic Christmas,
Light and sugar-free.
No sweet treats, no sugarplums beneath your tree.
Here we are, eating carefully.
Eating healthfully, for sure.
Missing things that aren't good for us,
Can be difficult to endure.
One day there may be a cure that lets us
Eat what we skip now.
Until then, we'll have to muddle through somehow
And have the Christmas a restricted diet allows.
#7: Trouble on the Rooftop
(sung to the tune of "Up on the Rooftop")
Up on the rooftop, what's that then?
Our child has escaped again.
Out through the window, down the spout
How does that little one get out?
Uh uh oh!
Look at him go!
Uh uh oh!
Look at her go!
Oh, out through the back door
Quick as can be,
Off down the sidewalk
So merrily.
Wanders around the neighborhood --
This escaping's just no good.
Wanders the highway, goes to town.
Call the police to hunt him down.
Uh uh oh!
Go on home!
Uh uh oh!
Don't ever roam!
Don't sneak up the chimney
Or through the dog door
Stay in your room
Forever more.
For the entire collection of holiday parody items (this is only half):
http://www.sarnet. org/lib/xmasparo dies.htm

ROFL!!!!
Those are hilarious!
Katherine,
Who was recording my life? That "we won't go" song is sooooo us! Thanks for the laugh.
I am sorry Christmas didn't go so well. May your New Year be better!
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!
Tummy ache from too much laughing...can't breathe...
ROFL!! that's too funny! it pretty much sums up my last week or so. Weston managed to do pretty well w/ my family, they're much more laid back and understanding of his issues. DH's family is stressful for everyone ESPECIALLY Weston and the autism comes through!
Betsy