Aspie 19 yr old getting worse

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-1999
Aspie 19 yr old getting worse
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 9:00pm

Has anybody noticed that Aspie kids tend to get more difficult as they get older?



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 12:19am

My son has gotten better as he got older, but he is not yet 12, so plenty of time for hormones and teenage stuff to kick in on top of his Autism.

I'm not looking forward to it

All's I can offer is some hugs.


visit my blog at


visit my blog at
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 1:43am

Uh oh I thought they were supposed to get better!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 9:15am

So far it is up and down, they get better then worse then better. Mine are 14 and nearly 16.

I think for my own kids lots of times they become worse around be life time changes and developmental milestones. Puberty, when first going to school in kindie, changing schools, etc. And my guess would be that transition to adulthood that your son is in. I noticed my daugther in 6th grade and again in 9th and 10th have done worse. She did better 7th into 8th grade. I am still waiting for the better after 10th grade.

They also get worse and better depending on circumstances in their life. for instance, 14yo son was doing quite well for soem time and now he is doing horrible. Partially because his dad and I have been having some marital problems (separated then not separated but it has been up and down). The other part is his current teacher this year just doesn't get him and it has been a slow steady downhill progression all year.

At the tree Tunnel

APOV on Autism
Avatar for littleroses
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: bjw3kids
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 12:05pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2005
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 1:08pm

I have a 15yo AS dd. Her behavior got pretty atrocious 1-1/2 yrs ago. I'm sure part of it was developmentally related, but she was also going through transitions (started high school), was being bullied at school, and she also began exhibiting behaviors associated with a mood disorder.

We found a therapist that dd liked and would listen to. Dd still has plenty of bad moments, but they are now "moments" instead of multi-hour or multi-day behaviors. The therapist helped dd understand that although she may have times where she feels grumpy or oppositional, she still has a responsibility to behave appropriately, esp since she won't be able to get away with this type of behavior as an adult. I know that dd meds have improved her moodiness as well, but her therapy has definitely helped.

We had used another therapist previously with dd, but as nice as she was, dd just didn't "click" as well and didn't feel compelled to cooperate. I think the previous therapist was too much like me in appearance and style, and that made dd feel like the therapist couldn't relate to her. Dd would say all the right things in the therapy sessions, but as soon as we left, dd wouldn't work on anything she'd agreed to.

Our current therapist is younger looking, thinner, and stylish (not at all like mom), so dd feels like this therapist is smarter and understands her better. Dd is more willing to work hard for this therapist.

If your ds is willing to see a therapist, and you can find one he relates to, you may find some positive benefit from it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 8:59pm

This sounds so familiar. My son is only 12, but I can totally picture the mac and cheese thing happening with him at age 19.

I'm wondering, could it be that making two boxes is different than making one? It's not just making a bigger box, right? Two boxes, each with a set of instructions, and having to double everything. Do you measure the milk all at once, or two times? What about the butter? Do you need a bigger pan? Twice as much water (it's only water, maybe that doesn't count)? Do you cook the noodles the same way, for the same time? Or do you need to double that, as well?

I'm feeling stressed out and overwhelmed just typing all that, lol!
I know it sounds silly, but AS people (or ADD, and others with executive functioning problems, myself included) tend to get bogged down in all that, and it can be bad enough that the job never gets done.

My kid can pour himself a glass of juice, provided he's having an okay day. But he hasn't managed to make himself his preferred drink, chocolate milk, because there are too many steps and he gets overwhelmed.

One of the things that gets harder as they get older, is that it's fine when your 8 year old can't get a spoon out of the dishwasher, but when he's 12, it's kind of annoying. I don't know "19" yet, but I can imagine.

I don't know where you are at. We just got accepted into CA's "regional center" which supposedly helps with life skills. I'm not so sure about it, though. So far the only help we've gotten is a total stranger saying, "Have you tried telling him he can't play computer games unless he tries spreading peanut butter on his own bread?" Which is pretty much the opposite of helpful. But maybe your son qualifies for some kind of disability help. (?)