Aspie Fiance Arguments Resolution

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2010
Aspie Fiance Arguments Resolution
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 10:16pm

My fiance has aspergers. He has great job writing for a website. He tells me stories and is funny. Lately his anxiety has been really bad. He gets upset before the thing he's worried about even happens. He has a had a few "bad relationships" (his word). He gets so upset he doesn't hear me and nothing I say will convince him that I'm not mad at him. Primarily he is concerned that I am mad at him, or he wants to do something that he knows will make me mad. I'm not someone who gets mad, but he doesn't read me, or anyone, very well and so he thinks I'm mad, when actually I was trying to joke with him or explain that I want him to eat every day.

I learned early in the relationship to not use sarcasm. I try to explain myself in english and not use facial expressions. He used to leave the house when we had a disagreement, but I don't like that. I would much rather have him sit with me and be upset until we come to an understanding. How do you aspies feel about that?

He has severe stomach problems. He does not drink milk anymore. I heard that wheat free might help as well. Are there any other adult aspie's or aspie partners out there?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 07-01-2010 - 12:45pm

Hi and welcome.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Thu, 07-01-2010 - 1:42pm

Hello there,

I really don't have answers to your questions, but I wanted to let you know that I can relate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2005
Thu, 07-01-2010 - 4:27pm

I'm married to an Aspie (undiagnosed, but definitively AS). We've been married 17yrs. Our earlier years were definitely a lot rockier than they are now. I think that's due to a combination of my becoming more familiar with AS, the kids not being as young and demanding anymore, and dh being with me long enough that he's come to feel safer during disagreements (he used to freak out when we had disagreements, assuming I was about to divorce him even tho' I never threatened it).

There are still challenges, no question about it, but we are both better at managing them now. I think it's also helpful that dh welcomes the AS label and is able to self-identify (sometimes) when he is engaging in anxious behaviors as opposed to "the sky" actually "falling!"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Fri, 07-02-2010 - 4:46pm

I am married to an aspie.