Baby got back?!?!
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| Sun, 06-10-2007 - 8:51pm |
I totally lost it on poor Sam today. Part of me feels bad, but part of me really doesn't.....
It's been a long weekend. Yesterday was Sam's 8th b-day complete with a bowling party followed by a small family cookout (which ended up in my house instead of outside because of the weather.) Then today we took the kiddos to the aquarium because I only get a weekend off of work once in a blue moon and it was likely our only chance to go. DH and I are exhausted but the kids did ok....we all kept it together.
Sigh.....Sam has this thing for my back side. Granted, it's quite large. Junk in da trunk, apple booty, bubble butt....whatever you want to call it. I'm curvy and I have a hard time finding pants that fit me right. He has a hard time not slapping me on the back side every time I walk by. We've talked about personal space a million times, but it's totally impulsive and he can't stop himself sometimes.
I usually ignore it. Or at least try not to make a huge deal out of it. Usually just a, " don't touch me there, " or "stop, I don't like that." It's hard since I grew up with the same booty and have taken jokes...etc my whole life for it. I've come to terms with it post Sir Mix Alot ;) I'm not ashamed but not quite proud either.
Tonight, while I was sqatting to clean bath toys out of the tub, he got the impulse to toss a handle full of water down the back of my pants (he was brushing his teeth at the time.) I lost it. I yelled loudly about how often we've talked about this, how I don't like to have him touching me there, how this is my body and how rude and impolite it is....I laid into him pretty good. I sent him to bed, no stories too.
I know that he doesn't get it or forgets about personal space at times. sigh, this is a tough one for me to deal with every day and I hate that it came to this. I hate that I yelled. I know that I scared him. But I don't want him constantly touching my butt all the time either!!
And I know that he'll probably totally forget about this and be smacking me tomorrow while I'm trying to make breakfast....sigh
Chrystee


(((Chrystee)))
Well, I send ds to bed tonight with no stories too - of course he wasn't smacking me, he was yelling about losing a game and saying "thanks a lot you made me lose," stuff like that.
We all lose it sometimes. It isn't always pretty and it isn't nice, but hey, we're human. Tom (who is 5) likes to rub his hands on my arms. He will stick his hand up my shirt sleeve and pull down my bra strap. Drives me nuts. I've come to terms with the arm-rubbing. It is a comfort for him and if it helps him get through the doctor's appt. or grocery store so be it. But the hand up the sleeve and bra strap thing makes me nuts. It isn't quite the same, but I have gotten really exasperated with the whole thing at times.
Heather
If it any consolation, dh does the same thing and I HATE it. I was also blessed with junk in the trunk and dh loves to give my butt a jiggle. Granted since losing weight, there is less to jiggle, but NO woman likes to have her butt jiggle! I have repeatedly asked him to stop, but he tells me, sorry honey - I just can't stop doing that. Whether ds or dh, if you ask someone not to do it, don't frikkin do it! I feel your pain hon! Can you start smacking his butt back? Give him a dose of his own medicine? Better yet, do it in front of his friends?
Christine
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Christine
Chrystee,
I'm not sorry you lost your cool. You tried everything else, and if you tried everything else, and it is a behaviour which MUST stop because it could end them up hurt, arrested or dead, then you have to resort to drastic measures.
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Thanks, Paula.....that's really just what I needed to hear.
You've nailed my point down too. I try not to make things a huge deal, at first anyway, because Sam tends to get anxious if I mention police...etc. He's become very rule conscious outside of the house since he is more able to control his impulses on his meds. But your point was in the back of my mind each time we had the personal space discussion.
I won't ignore it anymore. He knows he'll end up in the time out chair if he even tries it again. And consequences shall escelate if he can't stop.
I hate that I have to be the bad guy all the time. Sam says that he doesn't like it when I get firm and that DH is nicer...etc. But then when Sam gets all worked up, it takes forever for DH to calm him down. With me it's about 5 minutes. I won't put up with the whining or sticky thinking. "I'm not talking about it, the answer is no....etc." DH is very understanding that Sam can't help it because of the dx, but he puts up with far too much as a result of it too. Argh.
Chrystee
Chiming in way too late, sorry...but here's my two cents-
As usual, I agree with Paula completely! The fact is, boundaries do exist in this world and we have to make our spectrum kids understand them to the best of their ability. If your son knows enough about "smackin' your butt" to find it funny to do so, then he also knows enough to understand that enough is enough. I know I sound like a broken record, but in our house, a diagnosis can be an explanation but NEVER an excuse!
Okay, so you lost your cool...GOOD FOR YOU! I realized way too late in this process that I was spending so much time trying to "stay calm" when, in all honesty, there were times when raising my voices was EXACTLY what our spectrum kids needed! The trick is to only do it when all other attempts have failed or when what they're doing is dangerous. You better believe that every time Claire leaves the house without an adult by her side, my voice gets really loud, really fast! She comes running back inside saying, "Sorry." Can she reason the way a NT 7 year old can? No...but she certainly understands that when mom gets loud, she's doing something very wrong.
I guess what I'm saying is, don't beat yourself up. You did nothing wrong. Yeah, the guilt stinks, but we're moms- it's what we do best!
Amy