Back again...I need advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2007
Back again...I need advice!
5
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 3:40pm

Okay, I was on here a week or so about the playdate with my neighbor who's son has Asperger's.


Well I'm back with some questions about my nephew, and I don't know where else to ask these questions!


When my nephew was a year old, he still was hardly smiling, and had never once laughed. His pedi told my sister that at his 18 month appointment, they were going to test for Autism. She got defensive and switched pediatricians.


Now my nephew is 2 and still has yet to really laugh. He makes a huffing sound and kind of smiles. He HATES being tickled, to the point where if you try, he bursts into tears and scream and hit you.


He's a very bright kid, LOVES books and is obsessed with cars.


He's also very particular, and will throw. a. fit. if something isn't just so.


I think the biggest part is the no laughing thing.


Anyways, my sister is a great mom...she's a SAHM, reads to him, takes him to the park, cooks home made meals for him and her husband, etc. but while she was here visiting, and my nephew would throw a fit because someone tried to tickle him or didn't move their legs fast enough so he could drive his trucks on the coffee table, she would roll her eyes and say, "Oh, he's just being autistic again." And get after him for throwing the fit.


Now I really hope you won't judge my sister too harshly, I think a main reason she makes comments like that is that she's partly in denial, and partly embarassed and wants to brush it off. I see her get so embarassed in public when he has one of his numerous meltdowns.


Anyways, is there ANYTHING I can do...before your kiddos were diagnosed, did any of you act like my sister? Or know anyone who did? Is there anything I can say without offending her? She and I are super close, we talk daily, and she was just visiting for a week at my home.

 

I'm a vaccinating,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 5:18pm

It can be incredibly difficult to accept that your child may have a special need.

                                

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2007
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 7:35pm

Thanks so much, you're right, if he does have some form of autism/asperger's...it will eventually be diagnosed. I guess I just worry about her comments and hope that they'll stop before he's able to understand them. I know it's just because she's embarassed or in denial, and I wish there was a way to let her know that I think my nephew is the absolute coolest kid.


I know this past week at my house was really hard on her...I have VERY happy/laughing/giggling/smiling kids, and she made so many comments about wishing so bad she could hear her son just giggle ONCE. It broke my heart and I had no idea how to answer that. She's currently 6 months pregnant with another boy and is petrified this baby won't laugh/be social either.


Again, thanks...I really have no one IRL to talk to about this.

 

I'm a vaccinating,

Avatar for betz67
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 9:49am

you know I think it's more difficult to accept sometimes when the child seems so normal in so many ways-- ie. talking and smart-- it's easy to push those other behaviors away or make excuses for them. My oldest is borderline AS, his actual Dx is ADD-nos because the day he went to the psychologist he was holding things together very well but because he was struggling so in school the psych gave us that Dx so that he could get services. We'd had so many teachers/school personnel tell us that he was ADHD and should be medicated that we were very defensive about any kind of Dx. We didn't see the same things they saw, we saw only the incredibly intelligent verbal kid who was quirky, they saw the kid who had issues w/ sensory integration and executive function. We didn't come to a place of complete comfort w/ his Dx and issues until he was in high school-- last year.

Our middle child is autistic. We always knew something wasn't quite right w/ him-- not talking until 3, minimal eye contact, never showing emotion, inability to interact w/ peers, but had such a hard time getting anyone to take us seriously because he is so smart. For us that Dx was a relief (even though it was hard).

Her comments are possibly her way of blowing off steam. But they may also be her verbalizing a little doubt in her mind about how it could possibly be true... that anger part of the grieving process. Being scared that what a professional said might really be true and how that could shatter all the special hopes and dreams she has for her child. It's really scary, emotional and difficult to have those huge concerns about your child. And the next child as well. She might not even be letting herself go there and this is her defense mechanism for keeping those doubts at bay. Being a year or so removed might have made of his quirks more obvious and others less so... always questioning and concerned is really hard on a parent. Autism isn't a death sentence but when you're faced with it, it's a scary scary thing, and seems to be a huge darkness lurking in your life (at least thats how I felt until we got a Dx, therapy, and became comfortable w/ how it changed our lives).

Betsy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 4:51pm

You know, your sister might make comments like that because she IS concerned and needs support and a nudge to get help.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 8:28am

Once you have a dx like autism, the dream of the perfect family goes to heck in a hand bag.