Basketball woes - aka someday I will

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Basketball woes - aka someday I will
8
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 10:36am

learn!

Here we go again. I tried Mike in 2 different extra curricular activities he wanted to try. Karate and Basketball. I think I had written about his awesome coaches and such here and how happy I was. But I think I spoke to soon and again i am learnign that my son can't do things with typical peers.

His behavior is getting consistently worse. Not listening to the coaches, being goofy etc. Drawing stares and comments from others, which is no biggy but showed the beginning of the decline.

Last Thursday at Basketball there was a change of schedule due to taking pictures. They only had 1/2 the court for playing and the other 1/2 for pictures. Well the kids that weren't taking pictures the coach was organizing various games including tag, relay races, etc. Mike got consistently more stimulated. There were a couple glitches and some angry words here and there. I kept going over to intervene. Then.... All the kids were lined up for something and Mike had been goofing before. All the little boys decide to start goofing around and pushing on him in play, and he snaps and starts yelling and swinging at them all. I got there before he made contact and had him sit out but there it is, the beginning of the end.

I tried to explain to him after. I tried to talk to him during but his ears were turned off. He didn't get it. We go over the rules every time before he goes in 1) keep your hands and feet to yourself, 2)talk nicely, 3) listen the first time. He knows these rules by heart but in situations like this he has no desire or ability to follow the rules and they go out the window.

UGH.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 11:42am

Rats!

Renee, I'm really sorry. That sounds tough.

However, maybe next week, when they are back in routine, he will be better?

-Paula

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 12:43pm

Dear Renee,

Well, I can relate. Poor Mike, poor you. It's the intense demands of physical interaction and distractions, throwing in the huge change in routine! Rules, schmules, it's fight or flight, panic, brain not working. Malcolm says "My brain just forgot!!!" My dh and I often get involved physically as a sort of back up coach when Malcolm plays in his clinic, coach is friend. We will actually pull him out a few seconds to help him calm down, reinforce the rules, and if he still gets too overstimulated, he is warming the bench (or my lap with neck and shoulder rubbing) awhile under threat of imminent departure if he doesn't get it together. Feels like being the ringside trainer for a boxer, but now with practise we are all managing OK. Maybe someday I will have a new career as ringside coach for one star player for the NBA, LOL!!! Also, he trains in basketball with a sports therapist and 2 other boys and dh every week, and even THEN there are tough days occassionally, although alot better.

Malcolm has no trouble with competition playing chess, nice quiet game using brain, no jostling and whistles. He WANTS to play basketball, but he needs lots of help to do it.

How's the Karate? Again, we have Malcolm taking class with 3 of his buddies, he has gone into the big class and done well, but we only do that, say, once every other week or so. Partly that's because he is so overscheduled... He starts sparring in Jan. Should be interesting, but it's so much more controlled physical interaction than basketball.

Anyways, I want you to know I feel for you and empathise. We only have the one child to heap all this focus on, you have FOUR. I honestly can't imagine having another child, fun as this one is mostly. Don't give up yet, that was just a bad day, I'm sure! Maybe he will care enough about continuing to keep working on the hows? There could be more strategies set up in advance to help him do this?

yours,

Sara
ilovemalcolm

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 5:03pm

Renee,

How does Mike feel about basketball? Does he comment about it? Nathan isn't into physical type activities. He gets too tired....at least that's what he says! He'd rather sit and do something quiet. I know that there will come a day where I'll be in a similiar situation though. Are you planning to continue basketball? I remember from your original post that Mike was really excited to play!

michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 5:56pm

He is still excited to play so I will give it longer and hope, it is just that my past experience has been that soon after the behaviors start like this, things go downhill and next he will refuse to go or have such behaviors that I can't take him.

I had gotten lax on thier supps and diet this holiday season. I have started to be better about it again and hope that will help.

Sara - Actually I do act as his personal aide and get physically involved in the practices. The reason Mike only was swinging at kids and never made contact is I was right there, got over fast and sent immediately to take a break "warming the bench" or actually a space on wall until he calmed down. I also regularly go up and do deep pressure, etc. He keeps wanting me to leave though, lol. I know he doesn't like to look different but he can't manage a situation like this without a 1:1.

Of course, at the same time Emily and Dave are playing with another team. Dave has his quirks but I know he gets social situations at least well enough that I do have to be right with him and he won't get aggressive with the other kids. He actually is doing better. He is trying like anything to do it, but his motor skills are frustrating him.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 8:46pm

Dear Renee,

Well, I kinda figured so, and I also know there could come a time where Malcolm might also fall apart even with us riding herd on him. He does seem to be improving slowly with the competition difficulty, though. And he keeps on going back to it, even after a rough session. Here's hoping Mike will, too, and even that this past episode was mostly due to tension from unexpected surprises/break in expectations and routine and he will do better next time, could happen, he's older now.

Does Mike watch basketball on TV? Noone here does, so I have had to make a point of finding games so we can watch and comment on how the players keep focusing when they miss baskets and slam into each other and land on the floor (thinking of Dave some here, too) Malcolm gets a kick our of seeing big strong men have tough moments, me too. Also fun to watch them sweat, 'nuff said... Only once we saw a fight, NOT what I wanted him to see! But the fighters got in trouble, so we talked about that.

Interesting thing is that I was never able to play competitive sports as a kid. I was too timid, contact was too overwhelming for me, I got tired too easily. I was teased a lot for this and by age 10, avoided any competitive sports at all costs, becoming a complete performing arts dweeb. Only now as an adult have I become strong and even somewhat good at sports, although truthfully I think I am better at talkin' smack and acting fierce than the actual sports skills or game... Same with my dh, 'cept he became a computer dweeb. It's only because Malcolm wants to play that we keep at it, really! But I have told Malcolm many times about my own difficulty and not to worry if he ends up not wanting to play alot or join an actual team. Or that he might choose to play again when he is older, stronger, taller and maybe the contact won't bother him as much then. He is very into the idea of how big and strong he will be when he is a grownup!

Good luck, maybe we'll end up basketball moms yet.

Sara

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 12:22am

We don't watch basketball at all, but what sports we do like Mike has no interest in watching.

The reason he likes basketball is 1) we have a hoop and large cement area in the back yard and regularly play family 3 on 3 (boys against the girls - perfect family for this) and 2) he watched his sister play some last year in the same league.

It is likely that watching even college games on TV would just ruin it for him. He did watch parts of the baseball world series this year and actually routed for the Angels and enjoyed it but that took years. He was on the angel's little league (Special needs) team for 2 years, have been to actual AAA baseball games AND dh and I are huge baseball fans and have always watched. He couldn't get the hang of baseball and the rules and watching held no interest for him. Too confusing, lol.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2005
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 6:14pm
I signed Chase and his younger NT sister up for basketball this year but Chase refused to even go on the court. He has so many sensory issues and I think a gym like that just overwhelms him and he becomes very anxious and can't focus. This might be Mike's difficulty as well. The way the noise in a gym bounces off of everything and basketballs flying about, not to mention kids running and screaming. I just think it's too much for Chase to regulate. He doesn't even like to sit in the bleachers to watch his sister play. Vicky
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 6:34pm

That was Mike last year and in the past with other sports. He did go a couple times last year to watch his sister play. MOst of the season I had the respite worker we had then come because he couldn't handle the bleachers either, or Emily just had to attend alone. Toward the end he did go a couple times for part of it.

This year he doesn't seem to be getting angry overstimulated, just goofy overstimulated. Or at least it was. I was hoping he was old enough and after years of OT his sensory system was regulated enough.

He had OT clinic most of last year and isn't nearly as sensory in school anymore. He barely uses his sensory stuff in school anymore and this is coming from a kid who use to rock on the floor and chew the bottoms of his shoes in school. So I was hopeful that he had really improved but alot of it is that he is now in a supportive environment so he doesn't need his sensory stuff anymore.

Renee

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