"Becoming" tv/movie characters

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Registered: 01-19-2005
"Becoming" tv/movie characters
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Tue, 04-04-2006 - 12:30pm

I don't know whether to worry about this or not. But I know others have seen this with their children, so maybe you all with older kids can help give me perspective.

I have mentioned this before, so sorry to bring it up again, but it is bugging me. Eric "is" the character "Leo" from the Disney Show "The Little Einsteins." To him, I have become "June" (not mama) and DH is "Rocket" (not Daddy.)

At first I thought was just a phase and he'd get over it. We have not made a big deal out of it. But it has been going on for months now. It is to the point that if someone asks his name he says "Leo." When people call him by his given name, Eric, he says, "I'm not Eric, I'm Leo."

I'm a bit worried about this for safety reasons. If he gets lost or something happens to us and someone asks his name and he says "Leo" or what's his parants name and he says "June and Rocket." He used to have his ID info downpat, knew his full name, address, our full names. He still "knows" this, but prefers to say other things.

Also, wondering if he can tell the difference between fantasy and life. I ask him sometimes, "what's your real name" and he will say Eric. When he insists on being called Leo I tell him that's his nickname, but his real name is Leo. That it's ok to be pretend to be Leo.

He is very much a "fantasy boy" and spends a lot time creating scenarios and making up stories. I sometimes feel he thinks his stories are real then he gets very disappointed when things do not happen the way he has created them in his fantasy, if that makes sense. I am glad he seems to have a good imagination, however, and in a way enjoy his creativity.

Renee, I know Mike becomes characters, like currently from Harry Potter. What do you do about it, if anything?

Maybe I'm worrying for nothing. Am I?

Katherine

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Registered: 08-26-2005
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 2:06pm
Katherine,
Jake has done the same thing for months except he pretends to be one of the thomas the tank trains. He pretend plays all day that he is a train and even uses different voices.He gets really annoyed if I call him by his name and not the train he's being at the moment. I too worry about the possibility of him getting lost and him telling someone his name is "percy" or "james" or one of the other trains. I used to think he would never learn to pretend play but now I can't seem to get him to stop. I don't know which is worse?
Teresa
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Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 2:31pm

If I'm not mistaken, Eric is 4, right? My AS son, David, is also a "fantasy boy" (from "Parenting Your Asperger Child" or whatever it's called.) He's 8 now, and I can tell he knows the difference between fantasy and reality, at least for the most part. Part of our daily routine involves David "pretending to be someone" and me "pretending to be David." In fact, at bedtime, we HAVE to do our "phone call". I pretend to be David, and he makes an imaginary phone ring. He pretends to be some character; it's almost always some Lego-based thing, like a Bionicle guy, an Alpha Team character, or something like that. He/she invites me over for a "sleep-over birthday party." He always spends a bit of time talking to me about stuff. Like, if he's pretending to be Nuparu, a Bionicle guy, he'll tell me about his new invention (because apparently Nuparu is an inventor.) Or, if he's being Toa Gali, he'll describe how everything in the room is made of seaweed and shells, because Gali is the Toa of Water. Sometimes I'd love to hear about something REAL, but it never happens.

When he was four, it was the same kind of stuff, but he'd get MUCH more upset if you didn't do or say the right thing. I'll give a couple of examples that I remember. One time, at about age four, I was saying good night to him, and he was pretending that he was a baby in a crib. At his request, I pretended to put up the side of the crib. He continued to talk for a while (probably retelling an entire Pajama Sam computer game story verbatim.) When he was finally done talking, I bent down and gave him a kiss. OMG!!! He had such a huge fit!! Total, screaming, crying meltdown. It took me a while to figure out what was going on (I didn't know about AS). Turns out he was upset because I had forgotten to "put the side of the crib down" before bending down to kiss him. That kind of stuff happened a lot. He'd suddenly freak out for some unknown reason, and we'd later find out that we had walked through a force field or something.

One day, we were out in an area where a couple of sidewalks and bike paths cross. David (4) was pretending that it was a one-way system, and was riding his Big Wheel. All of a sudden, a couple of big kids rode past on their bikes, the WRONG WAY! David got SO angry! He totally lost it, and was inconsolable, shouting angry words at the boys. OMG! It was really intense! I can kind of laugh about it now, a little, because I understand about AS. But back then, it was like, "Gee David, get a grip!"

He has gradually matured a lot, and he now recognizes when other people are "not playing". Still, he NEEDS to do that fantasy stuff, and if he has to wait for a bit before I do my part---like if I insist on stirring my white sauce for a few more minutes before I start pretending to jump through a time portal---he still tends to get impatient. He doesn't fly into a rage any more, but he scowls and taps his foot, and says, "Come ON, the time portal is going to close!!" He doesn't see how the white sauce, or whatever, can possibly be as important as getting throught that time portal before it closes, or that he is free to "pause" the game for a moment.

I don't have many opportunities to observe NT 8-year-olds, but from what I can tell, mine is MUCH more interesting. LOL!

So, that's our "fantasy boy" experience. David now uses writing and drawing as an outlet for his fantasy life. Perhaps that's something that will be good for Eric when he's a bit older.

I realize there isn't really any advice here. I think time and maturity will make a big difference, at least to help Eric understand the difference between fantasy and reality.

Evelyn

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Registered: 01-19-2005
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 5:08pm

Thanks, Evelyn. Eric is 4 and your examples about your son David were reassuring to me. It's nice to know that if we accidentally mess up one of his scenarios (like you said, "walking through a force field" and not knowing it!)as he gets older, he will get less upset.

I agree, Eric does somehow need his fantasies so I don't want to stop them. I did like that book, BTW, the one that talks about the different Asperger's "types" (like "fantasy boy"). It's true, it does make life more interesting!

Katherine

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Registered: 01-19-2005
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 5:14pm

I know what you mean about the pretending, Teresa. We spent hours and hours of floortime teaching him how to pretend, and once he "got it" he really got it! Also, we worried that he was so "disconntected" to us and didn't want to play with us or others and now we have the opposite situation, he never wants us to STOP playing with him! Like you say, I guess this is a better situation and show our boys are making some intellectual growth.

Eric loves the Thomas trains too. Now,he just somehow relates more to the little Einsteins. I am sure it will change over time again too. I do have to thank Thomas, however. He is how we got Eric potty-trained. Strange as it may sound, we had Thomas use the potty etc. and had a "golden Thomas" as his reward when he performed, so I appreciate the love of Thomas.

I guess I could figure out a way to use the Leo stuff as a reward or something too. Hmmm. Maybe I could figure out a good way to use this, aside from the safety thing, that bothers me still.

Nice to know we are not alone here!

Katherine

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Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 7:16pm

Teresa,

Can you get him to help out around the house by asking him if he'd like to be "A Really Useful Engine?"

Evelyn

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Registered: 01-15-2006
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 9:09pm

Katherine,

My son Matt is 4 (Aspie) he has been, Timmy Turner (Fairly Odd Prents) and I was Timmy's Mom, Tyrone (Backyardigans), Marty (Madagascar), Mickey (Mickey Mouse), Scarecrow (Wizard of Oz). He insisted we call him by these names and if we slipped up and called him by his given name...watch out. He even insisted the teachers at school call him by the name of the time. Right now he's back to being Matt, just Matt, not buddy, pal, just Matt. LOL. It sounds like this is common amoung our kids.

Carol

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 9:33pm

I honestly don't do to much about it. Sometimes perhaps if it becomes a safety or behavior issue. For instance, when he was Anakin Skywalker from Episode 2. Anakin was a bit moody and a pain in the tush. However, it was just the usual behavior stuff, nothing specific for becoming the other.

I will tell you that my very NT nephew does this, especially around the age 4-5. When the incredibles came out he WAS Dash, mom was Elasticagirl and dad was Mr. Incredible. He will switch too. He has a brother who is autistic but this nephew (now nearly 6) appears very NT and infact quite gifted.

Another positive I have read from a number of adults with ASD's is that they learn how to "act" NT by imitating roles. Kids with ASD don't learn interactions in a typical way. Many will use this as a coping skill to learn social behavior and interaction. For Mike it is easier to put on Harry Potter or Anakin Skywalker than to try to figure out the situation himself.

As Mike gets older these persona's do get mixed and he uses what he needs in each situation. He no longer IS Harry Potter all the time but he has practiced him down cold and can be him when need be. When he was little he was always in character, now it goes in and out and changes more frequently and he is also learning how to be more "Mike" too.

One thing to watch for as he gets older is his perception of reality. Most likely he still knows he is Eric and who you are. At this age it is still normal to believe in these fictional things but often kids with AS are so concrete they can have a hard time separating reality from fantasy. Sometimes Mike still believes that the world of HP is real. Though he knows cognitively and can tell me it is not, he still thinks sometimes that he can do spells and forgets.

However, with becoming characters, Mike becomes there personality but will never let us call him by the other name. He is very literal and his name is Mike, I am mom and dad is dad. He gets very upset if we call him by a different name even if he obsesses and takes on the personality. I think a 4yo doing that shows a good bit of imagination. The only one I have really seen do it again is my gifted nephew. Dave is ok with the pretend part, but Mike isn't. Is that really confusing? Mike obsesses on the characters, practices being like them until he perfects it, acts like them, looks like them and will even make elaborate costumes to dress like them but he won't "pretend" to be them or "pretend" he is them.

HTH

Renee

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Registered: 01-19-2005
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 12:15pm

Thanks, Renee, this actually helps a lot. I never thought about our kids using role playing from characters to learn about NT responses, but that makes total sense. I can really see how Eric might be doing that. I sometimes think echolalia played that kind of role too. It's like he was repeating phrases, but then over time, they would be used in the right context and although not spontaneous, it was kind of a stepping stone to more spontaneous speech. Maybe this is that way too?

It is ironic bc Eric is making really great gains lately in little social nuances. He's starting to say please, thank you, I'm sorry, excuse me. Something is just starting to click in that arena with him. His fantasy life seems to increase in proportion to whatever new developmental gains he is having. Same thing with stims, which actually aren't that bad now (I still think it is the enzymes).

Would't I love it if this were a sign he was gifted like your nephews, but I don't think so, although Eric is smart, I think, never had IQ tested. He just seems to have a very rich internal dialogue going. I worry even now, like I said, about his perception of reality.

On a positive note, Evelyn got me thinking of a whole new way to "use" this situation. The little Einsteins always have a "mission of the day" so I think I could use this in some really good ways with "missions" for Eric, maybe. Although he might rebel as is it not "his" vision. We'll see, at least I can try!

Anyway, you made me feel better. Having some sense of why these things might happen always helps me. Guess I'm too analytical!

Katherine

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Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 4:11pm

I think we've chatted about this before. My daughter was Leo for a long time and I was June. Now we're pretty much back to Elmo and Gina. I forget, how old is your son? Kivrin 3 1/2 and won't even admit that she has a last name. Of course most of the time she refuses to admit her name is Kivrin at all. Obviously we've never gotten her to learn her contact info. I'm in the process of ordering id tags for her shoes in case of emergency.

She too is very into her fantasy play. She often doesn't even act like she can hear me unless I call her be the right name.

I don't even know what the right thing to do anymore is. My husband and I try to stress that she can pretend to be whoever, but that's she's really Kivrin, our little girl. Sometimes this works, sometimes it just seems to annoy her further. We try to plan fun things to do for "Kivrin", no one else invited. Sometimes this even works if she wants to do whatever it is enough. Besides that we just try to be patient and take everything in stride. I make myself remember that she's not trying to drive me nuts, and that in the end she gets something from her fantasy world that she's not getting from the regular one. I was like that a lot as a child and I can understand at least a little bit.

(((Hugs)))...As one of my friends told me "It could be worse. It could be baby bear from Sesame street, and we all know how annoying he is." I try to remember that and it makes me smile when she yelling "allegro" when she wants me to push the cart faster.

Mary