The blind leading the blind

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
The blind leading the blind
4
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 9:40am

My sweet dh had the day off last Fri so thought he'd take care of the kids' morning routine and let me sleep in. Unfortunately, he's got the same problems as the kids, so it's like the blind leading the blind.

When I got up, I discovered it was cold and raining. I knew 11yo dd had set out her clothes the night before based on the expectation of warm, dry weather (short sleeve shirt, skirt, and open sandals). I asked whether dd changed her outfit to something more suitable for the weather. He said, "No, she said you said she could wear it." I asked whether she'd taken a raincoat. "No, she left it at school the day before." Did she wear ANY coat? "No, I didn't think of that." Did dd get breakfast? No. Did she get her laxatives? No. So, off dd went to the bus stop, no breakfast, no meds, no coat, no umbrella, no suitable clothing, etc in 40-degree pouring rain! However, dh was soooo proud that he'd let me sleep in and done all the work himself (at least he made dd a lunch)! I never know whether to be aggravated or appreciative of his help! I'm just glad I woke up before the other two kids had to go to school!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 11:11am

Hehehe, Do what my therapist recomends. In a not obvious way, treat your husband in the same way as your kids to get him to change behavior. Not in a kid way but a dad way.

So for instance, if the kids put effort into a new behavior we reinforce that behavior then try to shape it into what we want. So you give him loads of kudo's for helping this time. Reinforce him heavily that you appreciate the help and what he tried to do. Then hopefully there will be another opportunity soon. Then you maybe make a list of what needs to be done in the AM's and put it in the kitchen. Something like 1)laxatives, 2) breakfast....even do it for yourself and dd before hand so he doesn't think you are doing it to treat him like a kid.

Then when the day comes you can say "Honey, here is the list we use to help ....remember what she needs to do for school in the morning"

Hopefully after your comments this AM he will think to make sure she has a jacket next time, lol.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2004
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 12:29pm

Renee, that is beautiful! I've been wondering what to do for my husband so that he can help more effectively. He's the ADD posterchild, LOL! Or, as I call him, the absent minded professor. I'm sure I don't handle it right because I get annoyed with him instead of reinforcing the behavior I want in steps. Thanks for posting that, even though you weren't posting for me. I got something out of it.

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2001
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 10:33pm
I read this earlier in the day and got such a snicker out of it!! lol

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 11:13am

I'll have to try the lists. My biggest challenge is to remember that they're all trying their hardest to be good, and I'm not supposed to be aggravated all the time. I feel a little bad for being so grumpy at them so much over the last few years -- I grew up in a family of very logical thinking people, and this disorder is anything but logical -- but it's still a struggle to thank dh for his "help," and to not stare at dd strangely when she's standing like a drowned rat in the pouring rain and not figuring out by herself that she needs a coat or umbrella! It's truly been a blessing to learn WHY my kids are like this since it's helped me work on being more patient. I'm also finding that the more I understand my kids, the more I also become more tolerant of other people's kids. I still think there's some bad parenting out there, but now I find myself sympathizing a lot more and judging a lot less!